'THE INTERVAL'
When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand, explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful
as we undoubtedly are, and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness, and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted to engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance upon my person.'
'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off. Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it had not already been filled, in his army.
'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the flag-bearer.'
'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.
'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And she at once removed her apron and snatching from the astonished Scout the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto by its two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each time jumping as high as she could.
Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman, and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to their forces.
The King now stood up in his chair, and after quieting the general excitement by ringing his bell, he thus addressed his troops:—
'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I appear to you a very fine man indeed, with a good appetite and fairly well covered for my time of life, I am not quite the man I should be. You must know that in my early babyhood I was a victim to the wicked carelessness of the royal cook. One morning this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate had been different perhaps) while chatting with a friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As ill luck would have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof, to which I had climbed through the nursery chimney, and, childlike, was gazing curiously at a strange bird flying overhead, when I overbalanced and fell from the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path, which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'
The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on his head in the form of a parsnip.
'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly indignant, and ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly, or, at all events, as soon as she had finished cooking the dinner.
'The dinner, however, was so excellent that my
father, in his enjoyment of it, forgot all about my mishap, and the cook went unpunished. Nevertheless the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it even to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I should be. A trifle irritable now and again; or more sulky and disagreeable than I care to admit; or at times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt noticed, and which now, knowing my early misfortune, you will more readily excuse.
'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least understand that a little rest is good for me now and again, so that, as we have already travelled half the distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a whole holiday to-morrow, and on the day following, which happens to be my birthday, I will celebrate the great occasion with a grand review, after which we shall once more resume our long journey.'
This welcome announcement was received with the greatest enthusiasm by the brave fellows, and loud cheers echoed again and again through the forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.
Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees, the good souls enjoyed to the full the simple fare before them, and then, after once more cheering the old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to dream of the morrow in store for them.
Next morning, with the exception of the old King, who intended to rest and remain in bed all day, every one was up betimes. After a hearty meal, Bill explained to them all the dangers of the great forest, and the necessity of returning to camp at dusk. Then, taking care not to disturb the King, they all left the camp, different parties taking different directions, seeking amusement wherever they could find it.
Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest sport in the world,—tree-climbing, nutting, chasing
butterflies, fishing in the pools, playing at Wild Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really sensible game that there is to play, while Boadicea spent the time very happily in making beautiful bunches of wild flowers.
Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all the morning because he was not allowed to eat toadstools; so to keep him out of mischief, Bill tied him to the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left him to have his cry out.
The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand, and taught him how to bird-nest, at the same time adding to his own valuable collection of eggs. The Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded Indian, and wondered, while he was swinging him to and fro, whether he enjoyed it or not, for the thoughtful creature's face still gave no sign at all of what was taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The Doctor spent the day upside down, with his feet supported against the trunk of a tree and his nose on the ground, while he studied the habits of the stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually losing his patron and then finding him again, while the Respectable Gentleman himself kept his respectability in hand by behaving most politely to all the trees of the forest,—raising his hat to the silver-birches, leaving his card on the ash-trees, introducing a hornbeam to a blackthorn, apologising to the thistles for treading on their lower leaves, and, in fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and having a really enjoyable day.
The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the Sicilian
Char-woman set to and dusted and scrubbed down a good number of the forest trees, and spent the rest of the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's leaves that everywhere littered the grass.
It was quite late in the evening when all returned to camp, quite tired out, and after supper each crept quietly to bed without awakening the King, and soon the whole camp was fast asleep.
In the morning every one awoke in the best of spirits, and brimful of the many things they had to tell of the happy time they had spent the day before. The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long rest, and before sitting down to breakfast every one in turn went up to him and shook the happy old boy by the hand, wishing him many happy returns, after which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial breakfast. Before the repast was quite finished, and while the King was looking the other way, Bill walked round the ring formed by the army as they sat upon the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old monarch. Every one was delighted to give something to His Majesty to show how much they appreciated his greatness, and when the old chap received the many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he was so overcome that he could hardly stammer forth his thanks. And this is what he found in the parcel when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in opening it:—
Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old fellow was so affected by all this unexpected kindness, that he would not trust himself to open his mouth, so with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he retired to his chair. These interesting proceedings thus coming to an end, he was wheeled into the forest by Boadicea until they came to the open space where the review was to take place.
Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up, with Boadicea standing sedately at his side holding the presents, the King now solemnly awaited the appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great noise in the direction of the camp, and then they could be heard approaching.
First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and Chloe, proudly marching three by three, and as they passed the King each gallantly saluted him. Now followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held aloft, and when she came opposite His Majesty she jumped magnificently three times into the air. She was followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past the Royal Old Boy and saluted him grandly.
Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the general, then the Ancient Mariner approached, and, after placing the Absent-minded Indian on the ground, he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching his forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of the hornpipe, once more resumed his burden and moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed by the Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he passed by. Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the Doctor, who, not knowing quite what was expected of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.
The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy Scout, and raised his hat in a very gentlemanly
manner to the King as he passed him and politely handed him one of his cards, upon which he had scribbled a few good wishes to the old monarch.
Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of the delighted King, before whom each of the sweet creatures performed the most graceful curtsy, and the procession then terminated with another detachment of Bill's charges.
The King was more than satisfied, and they all once more started on their adventurous journey.
THE REAL SOLDIER
After travelling some days, they came across a real soldier seated at the side of the road, and Bill at once persuaded the King to invite so valuable a man to join their expedition. The King therefore left his chariot and approached him, and asked the noble-looking fellow if he would care to make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had a good character from his last general, and the old warrior replied:
'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of my most noteworthy achievements, one of which, peradventure, you may not have read in the numerous books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall thus remove any trace of doubt that may linger in your minds as to my great courage and astute generalship.'
All expressing their eagerness to hear the story, the wordful old warrior proceeded:—
'As near as I can remember, it was in the early fifties when, a mere drummer-boy, with the bloom of early boyhood still gracing my brave young cheek, I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may possibly know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks, to the relief of the Isle of Wight. This island, at the time I mention, was blockaded by that notorious filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed of the greatest audacity and cunning, had earned for himself an unenviable reputation, from Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his depredations.
'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed in his endeavours to usurp the throne of Pitcairn Island, he had impudently resolved to make a sudden raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his own insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease the disappointed rage of his desperate followers, he would have plunged the peaceful little island into abject misery. What tempted him thereto none
can guess with any certainty, unless indeed it were the many false reports, spread abroad by the unscrupulous, of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the finest hearthstone; and of the natural paraffin springs, that could provide the world with the purest oil; and many other reports, alike false and discreditable to their inventor and to those who repeated them to the credulous stranger.
'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid, his small band of followers (mayhap increased to a powerful army by the hordes of discontented periwinkle-gatherers, prawners, and lobster-potterers that earn a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt, have had at their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the numerous other Islets that ornament our coasts. And then, from these a sudden and successful descent on Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the whole of London. Now I am going to tell you how the courage and forethought of a simple drummer-boy frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his knees one of the most unscrupulous enemies that has ever invaded our shores.
'To come back to the beginning of my story, we had a comfortable journey down, the tedium of which had been greatly relieved by delightful conversation and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably astounding the others by the amount of intelligence he displayed. These pursuits were again
varied by interesting recitations, and such parlour-games as could be conveniently played in a railway carriage. We arrived in the afternoon at a snug little hamlet on the coast opposite the island, whence we embarked in a fleet of disused barges and dredgers. We reached our destination, after a fairly calm voyage, without having excited the curiosity of the invaders, only one of whose vessels we passed, and all on board it were so engrossed with the captain, who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.
'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd, of which I was a member, a battery of artillery, a camel corps, two squadrons of the smartest cavalry that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes, and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there was not one of the rank and file who could not play quite delightfully on the piano; while the officers were unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they used to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of an evening. We were ably generalled by that best of all officers, Sir Francis Melville Glowmutton, whose fame in after years very nearly earned for him the honour of being mentioned in a popular Encyclopædia.
'We were met on the beach by a procession of the inhabitants, headed by the president of the island, all of whom were delighted to see us, and extended to us the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waiting
for formal introductions, they fraternised in the most friendly spirit with the troops who, in turn, were charmed with their reception and, being quite beyond themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants and grateful tributes to their kindness.
'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that, as yet, the inhabitants of the island were not aware of it, and when they learnt from the soldiers the real state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond measure, and redoubled their congratulations to the army and to each other, and the president seized the very first opportunity publicly to thank the general for his thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.
'For quite a long time the handshaking went on, and every one was so amiably excited that the president, anxious that so much good feeling should not be thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening with him at his presidency on the Needles.
'And such a bright and happy evening it was too! Every one in the best of spirits, and entering blithely into all the games! "Oranges and Lemons," "Nuts and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had never, within the memory of any one present, been played with greater zest, and, what was more wonderful, never had the rather trying game of "Hunt the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since it was first introduced into this country at the Norman Conquest.
'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled by that of the older inhabitants and the elderly officers, who, seated on chairs placed for them round the wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and merriment, until the tears rolled down their handsome old cheeks.
'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down to a splendid cold supper provided by the President, but it was some little time before the feast could proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there was quite a turmoil of passing things to one another. At last, however, every one was served, and the supper proceeded with the greatest mirth on all sides.
'After a while the president stood up to make a speech, and had only got as far as, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not that we——" when, to everybody's consternation, there was a loud knock at the door and, without waiting to be asked, in stalked the notorious Reginald himself.
'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew his gaze from the refreshments (to which it had wandered on his entry), and, drawing himself to his greatest height, demanded of the president the instant surrender of the island to him as his rightful property, averring that it had been left to him by an aunt, whose favourite he had been. Then, putting his hand to his bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment which, indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub. This he handed to the president, who read aloud
therefrom the following clause, which had been underlined:—
'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.
'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the completed hose on to his heirs for ever.
'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight situate at the south coast of England.
'On reading this the president turned very pale and every one trembled, never having dreamt of the strength of the invader's position. But being a bit of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied to the filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could assume, that he was bound to admit that his aunt Martha had, without doubt, left the island to him, and that he would be the last man to dispute the fact—here the rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise his greatest hopes, could not conceal his satisfaction,
and helped himself to a sandwich—"But hold!" cried the president in a terrible voice, "I do dispute that it was hers to leave."
'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his temper and hurled the sandwich with such fury to the ground that it broke one of the gorgeous tiles that ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have you the face to stand there and dispute the will of that excellent woman, written when dying of a broken heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only solace was the company of her dutiful nephew? Then
your fate be upon your own head." And he strode out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth in the most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the sandwich which he had thrown down in his outburst of passion.
'When the door had slammed to with terrific force behind him there was a great silence in the hall, and we all looked at one another with scared faces. Soon every one arose from the table, and silently left the banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now knew would come on the morrow.
'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking of
the battle in store for us. I counted more sheep than would have fed our army for six months, but with no result. I then tried elephants, and after that camels and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes might bring me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain. At last, in despair, I rose from my hard couch, donned my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel, strode out of my tent.
'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by the way, was our password) to the sentry, I strolled idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and perfectly still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of the sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a little shimmer of light as the phosphorescent turbot rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to the right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and the reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and anon sounds of merriment could be heard as the invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent the night in revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen the tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom except the low monotonous breathing of the soldiers (who were so well drilled that even in their sleep they breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?" of the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he mistook a moth for a spy, or the drone of the beach bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.
'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky, I found a solitary bathing-machine, beneath which
I crept, and here at length my weariness quite overcame me and I slept. How long I remained thus I cannot tell, but I was awakened by heavy footsteps on the floor of the machine over my head. My curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to rush out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in my present position as long as possible.
'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine opened its seaward door and stood revealed in the light of the moon, which had arisen during my sleep, as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed in a deep black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not daring to move a muscle, and was presently relieved to see him, after standing for some time on the steps of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to the edge of the sea, into which he plunged.
'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me, and I instantly crept from my place of concealment, and stealing up to the landward door of the machine nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always carried with me to mend my drum, which was not infrequently broken beneath my enthusiastic blows.
Having secured the front door, I now crept in at the back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those of the unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering about in the sea. Having effected this change, I crept back to my former position under the machine, and had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw the rogue returning.
'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach he mounted the steps and entered the machine, and the slam of the door as it closed upon him was the signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had already secured the front door. Having done this, I waited no longer, but made off with all possible speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which I had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible banging from the interior of the now distant bathing-machine. Losing no time, I entered the camp, and, being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on unchallenged.
'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I found all the men gathered together, having forsaken their revels, evidently in expectation of the return of their leader.
'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as nearly as I could, the mien and rough harsh voice of their filibustering captain, and ordered them to embark at once and to leave the island, as it had been reinforced during the night by such a mass of thundering artillery as would be impossible to withstand, and that they were even now fast approaching along the beach from the other end of the island where they had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared quite incredulous and their growls of disbelief grew louder and louder and threatened a terrible mutiny. Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to hear for themselves the approach of the distant hosts. Leading them all, still grumbling and growling, a little way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which ensued, could be heard far away in the direction of
the bathing-machine a most terrific and continuous banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.
'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their swarthy faces could be seen to change to a ghastly white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they all turned and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled over and over each other in their anxiety to get away, and many got wet to the skin in their endeavour to reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I saw the last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now put on all sail and vanished away for ever.
'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from which still came a terrible din, though not quite so violent as it had been at first.
'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I began to drag the machine in the direction of our camp, the banging meanwhile gradually subsiding, until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the machine to be inhabited. As before, I passed the sentry by murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" and drew the machine up in front of the General's tent.
'The General, having finished an early breakfast, was just setting out to take a stroll before settling down to plan out the battle, and seeing me, whom he at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good man received quite a severe shock. However, I soon undeceived him, and after relating my adventures I unfastened the door of the bathing-machine, and
disclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended knees, imploring our mercy.
'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end to the campaign, for my part in which I was duly honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild punishment, reformed and became a very respectable gentleman, the president kindly using his influence to secure for him a lucrative position in a well-known Insurance Office.
'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of Wight still remains one of our many valued possessions.'
'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy, when he had finished his story, and before proceeding with their journey, he promoted the martial creature to the high position of second General-in-chief of the army.
THE WILD MAN
One day the army were overtaken by a singularly wild-looking man who proved, however, to be at the same time quite an amiable creature, and expressed a great desire to seek some employment with the gallant fellows. The King was pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person, and was more than repaid for his confidence in him by his charming ways. On one occasion, when the King was rather tired and worried, the Wild Man, in order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following story:
'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I claim to be an unspoilt child of nature, whose finest instincts have, unchecked, found their true development. Thus, communing with nature from my cradle and living on terms of the closest intimacy with her wildest creatures, I can appreciate their humble wants, their hopes and fears, and have acquired the truly marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded denizens of the wilderness.
'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore, in which I lived in simple happiness with my good wife, now dead, alas! this many a long year ago, and our five brown children, who long since have grown to men and gone out into the world to seek their fortunes. Harmless indeed were our joys, and our trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not the least of the blessings we derived from our simple mode of life.
'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening late in autumn, I left my cave, with the hungry cries of my children still in my ears,—for, indeed, the poor things had had no sup or bite the whole day through. Wondering what I could do that they might not go supperless to bed, I strolled along the sands by the sea in the hope of finding some odd limpet or whelk which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves, might make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a single crustacean could I find, so I sat me down upon the sands, determined not to return until the children
had fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped up for them at the back of the cave, as their cries were more torment to me than my own emptiness.
'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal twilight, reflected in the pools of still water left by the far receded tide, was gradually fading from the sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending moan from off the desolate waste of sand before me. Again and again it sounded, and at last realising that it might be uttered by some creature in distress, I stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit, scanned the sands in every direction.
'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan still continued at intervals and became, in fact, more and more painful and beseeching, I wandered about, a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to discover whence it proceeded.
'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little distance before me, a small dark motionless object, and at that instant a harrowing sound, arising therefrom on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping as quietly as possible on my hands and knees quite close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue point oyster, and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command, what ailed it.
'"Alas!" said the oyster, "a little while ago I possessed a child as sweet as ever chortled to its
gasping mother, but snatched from me as it has been by the cruellest of whelks, it may even now lie helpless in the grasp of the ravenous brute, as it ruthlessly sups off its delicate limbs. No such grief have I had since that old native, my worthy husband, was slain, and was laid in state, his hoary head supported by a slice of lemon, beside a piece of brown bread-and-butter."
'Deeply affected by her grief, I begged her to reveal the name of the little one and to indicate the direction taken by the marauding whelk. "Bertram is its name," said the widowed blue point, and I could
hear the tears falling within the shell as, with her beard, she pointed out the path followed by the rogue.
'I had not proceeded far in the direction indicated when I overtook a whelk, whose face was quite distorted by a savage look, and whose growls drowned the feeble cries of a tender blue pointlet whom he dragged along by the beard.
'"Now what is all this about?" said I to the sullen fellow. "Why should you, who are maybe blessed with young of your own, rob a poor widowed oyster of her only consolation since the death of her husband? A heart of rock would have melted at the cries of your victim, but you, ungenerous, can have no heart at all, and entirely drag the name of whelk through the mud." I could distinctly hear the ruffian lashing his tail within his shell as he replied: "It's all very well for you, old boy, but all that kind of nonsense you're talking don't come in here. If it were a question of saving your own life I'll bet you wouldn't give much ear to the whimperings of a sentimental blue point. Know then, old stick, that it isn't for the love of children that I am dragging this little brat along, but he's just going to be the supper of an old crab, who caught me this afternoon and only let me go on the condition that I found him something a little more toothsome and tender than I am."
'The cries of the infant were cruel to hear when it
learnt the fate in store for it, and filled my heart with pity for the frail youngster. "Now come," said I to the whelk, "just wait a little while and consider, would it not always be a sad thing for you to reflect upon that you had been the cause of this frail young thing's death?" "Gammon!" answered the leather-hearted whelk, and proceeded on its journey. "Stay yet awhile," cried I, "and I will run and talk it over with the crab and see if his hard shell may hide a kinder heart than yours." "Well, look alive, old sentiments," replied the whelk; "it's a bit chilly waiting about out of the water when the tide's low. You'll see the old rascal over there by the sea."
'I hastened with what speed I might in the direction pointed out by the whelk, and presently came upon the old crab. Before I had time to greet him he accosted me with "Well, old kneebones, what's the trouble?" "No trouble of mine I do assure you," I replied as I seated myself by his side, taking care at the same time to keep well out of reach of his two pincer claws, that wobbled about wickedly in my direction; thus in some trepidation I continued the conversation. "The trouble is that of an innocent blue pointlet, now alas! in the toils of a perfect bully of a whelk, a worthless rough who is thus victimising the innocent to save himself from ending his paltry existence in your inside. Now my good fellow, I am perfectly certain that you are not going to allow this, indeed you are not the sort to sacrifice another's life
to satisfy your own greed. Let me press you, just for once, to go supperless to bed, and thus assuage the anguish of a most affectionate mother."
'Much to my mortification and surprise, my conciliatory speech was met by roars of laughter from the flippant old crab. Peal upon peal disturbed the still evening air, and when the last clash of the hideous uproar had died away among the distant hills, the unfeeling brute, now in a state of collapse from loss of breath, gasped out:—"What, me give up the only chance of saving myself from that scoundrel of a lobster who only let me go on my promising to secure him something for supper a little less hard than myself! Well," continued the crab, "that's a good 'un, that is. My good chap you must be quite out of your senses. Why, not only will I hand over the baby oyster to the lobster, but I intend also to have my supper off that tough old idiot of a whelk, who reckons he's going to get off scot-free, and old mother blue point, too, if I can find her," and then, as an afterthought, "and you, old marrow-bones, wouldn't make half a bad tit-bit if I could get hold of you," and he made a horrid dash at me as he spoke. However, I easily evaded him, and from a safer distance argued the matter out with him in the following way:—
'"Allow me, my dear crustacean, to put the matter to you in this light. Now, first of all, clear your mind of all unnecessary bias. Suppose," said I, "that you
were to change places with the young oyster, suppose, we'll say, that you had the near prospect of being devoured by the greedy lobster. How would you feel, I say, if your neighbour not only refused to exert himself in any way to extricate you from your predicament, but also gloried in being the main cause of the disaster that threatened you?"
'The wily scoundrel merely replied, "Ask me another," and with his left eye-stalk bent towards the ground, insolently winked at me with the other. Despairing of penetrating his tough shell with kindly suggestions, I temporised with him, and succeeded in persuading him to desist from his evil intentions until I had talked it over with the lobster. Out of sheer perversity the crab directed me wrongly, but in good time, after some wandering here and there, I discovered the lobster.
'I pleaded my case to him as eloquently as I had already done to the others,—nay, even more eloquently, being, no doubt, a little more used to it by
now, but yet with no apparent good result. The wary creature pretended ignorance. "To which crab do you refer?" said he, in a questioning tone; "I have so much business with crustaceans in one way and another that you would be surprised to learn how confused I become in my dealings with them." To the best of my ability I described the appearance of the old crab, and aided my description with a slight sketch on the sand made with the point of my umbrella. He gazed at this with much interest and murmured to himself "considerable artistic talent," and then aloud, "Oh yes, yes, I remember him quite well; indeed, he was here only recently about a little matter of supper. Well, well, I'm afraid I cannot be of any help to you here. You see, it's like this. Earlier in the day, I came to a little arrangement (quite a little business affair, by the way) with an old lady conger eel I have known for many years, and it happened in this way. We were having a little dispute as to who should sup off the other, and without going into details, the upshot of it all was that the eel managed to tie herself in a knot round my throat, and so, you see, was mistress of the situation. I need not tell you that I did not lose my presence of mind—indeed, I never do—and I politely asked her if she had ever tasted crab, and effectually persuaded her that they were much better eating than lobster, and undertook to procure her a beauty (thinking all the time, of course, of our mutual
friend), on the understanding that I should go quite free. It's very sad and all that sort of thing, no doubt, about the little oyster—sweet little chuck—indeed, I am more sorry than I appear to be about it, but really what can one do?" And the lobster shrugged his bristling shoulders. "Speaking to you," he continued, "as one man of the world to another, business is business after all, you know. And if we don't fulfil our obligations, where do we stand? Of course, I don't say but what a little chat with the conger might make it all right, and there's no harm in trying—she's a nice eel. I feel sure you would like her, at least I felt I should, when I invited her to be my supper—and if nothing comes of the meeting, well, we shall none of us be any worse off than we are at the present moment. If at any other time I can be of use to you, I do hope that you will not hesitate to come round and ask. Good day."
'I now left him to search for the conger, whom I found dozing in a pool near the sea. I took her out and placed her gently on the sand, and she gradually opened her eyes and fastened them on me. I once more expounded the reasons why, in my opinion, this cruel arrangement should not be persisted in. I quite astonished myself by my own eloquence, which grew more impassioned as I proceeded, and noticed that the old conger seemed deeply impressed. As I came to the most affecting parts of my argument the expression in her eyes grew really tender, and at the
mention of the little blue point a tear gathered in each eye and slowly coursed down her shiny form. At the conclusion of my appeal the conger drew in a deep breath and replied:—"Well, I never! Now that is what I really do call good and kind. Oh pray come and sit down beside me on the sand and tell me all about it—now do, and tell me what first put it into your head—it is so very nice to come across a little real sentiment in these matter-of-fact times." Without waiting for me to proceed she rattled on:—"Upon my word, you really must have the kindest heart in the world—but are you quite sure you are comfy? Why not come round the other side; you'll be out of the wind there, and we can talk it over without anything to interfere with us. I quite agree with you in everything you have said, and I must say that I know of nothing more delightful than to find one's own thoughts expressed so much more clearly than one could do it oneself. Do you know, I am quite delighted to have met you, and hope that this is the commencement of one of those lasting friendships...."
'Thus she gabbled on, and thinking to myself, here, at last, is a kind-hearted soul, I asked her to promise to take the baby oyster back to its sorrowing mother, when she received it from the lobster. "What an extremely kind thought," she replied; "I assure you there is nothing in the whole world I would love to do so much as to take the little thing back to its Ma." Glancing dreamily at the sky the old eel continued:—"Dear little mite! I can see it even now, in my mind's eye, as it skips to its mother; she, dear soul, the while shedding pearls of delight,—a memory to carry to your grave. But I expect you must be going now—no doubt you are as busy as the rest of us—are they all well at home?—good-bye," and she prepared to return to the sea. "But, my dear woman," I protested, "I have not yet received your promise to see the little oyster home." "Now," said the eel, "pray don't spoil the pleasant evening we have had—but never mind—don't look so serious—come round some evening
with the wife and children—don't say you won't." "But, Madam," I answered, "I am waiting for your promise to see the little one home." "My dear Sir," she replied at last, growing rather red in the face, "I can give you nothing of the kind, and must really refer you to the whale who captured me a little while ago, and only released me because I promised to procure him a lobster, which I persuaded him would be much more digestible and less bilious than I should prove to be as a meal."
'I now went in search of the whale, whom I discovered disporting himself in the sea a very little way from the shore. Taking my shoes and stockings off, I waded as near to him as I dared, and to conciliate him right off I wore as benignant an expression as I could assume and thus addressed him: "Of one thing I am convinced," said I, "and it is that you are the last person in all the world who would willingly give pain to anything,—least of all to a baby oyster." "Quite so, quite so," snorted the whale, "and what is more I never have and, upon my soul, I never will." "Bravo, good resolution," cried I, and then in moving terms I explained the situation and urged him to take the blue pointlet back to its mother on receiving it from the conger eel. "What is this you say," roared the whale; "do you mean to tell me that in exchange for her own fat self that villainous conger-eel now offers me a baby oyster instead of the promised lobster? Is it for this gross insult that I allowed her to resume
her wretched existence? Well, I'm thundered!" and the enraged monster leapt seventy feet into the air. "Where is she?" roared he, and made off in the direction of the conger.
'But the old girl was one too many for the whale this time, and having heard his remarks on her conduct, off she darted after the lobster, saying to herself that as the whole arrangement had fallen through, she might just as well sup off the lobster,—besides, the claws would stew up quite well for the children's dinner to-morrow. The lobster in his turn, seeing the conger approach, at once understood that the affair was all off and left his little cave by the back door as conger entered by the front, and made for the place where he knew he would find the crab, arguing to himself thus:—"At any rate, the crab will make an excellent supper to which I have every right; for after all, as I have before remarked, business is business, and he will certainly be unable to fulfil his obligations." The saucy crab, however, saw him coming along with his mouth wide open ready to gobble him up, and shouted tauntingly to him:—"Keep your bristles on, old prawn" and ran off after the whelk. "Nothing really matters," thought he, "and as I feel a bit peckish I may as well eat up friend whelk and the blue pointlet 'll come in for a light breakfast in the morning." The cowardly whelk, reading the crab's evil intention in his eyes offered him the baby oyster. "Thanks, old flint," said the crab, "I'll have you first
and the youngster another time," and he pounced on the whelk and ate him right up. But as he was crawling off in great comfort the old lobster overtook him and in no time polished him off. The lobster, now too contented to move quickly, was slowly returning to the water when up came the conger-eel who, without any delay, proceeded to strangle him and then to gobble him up. After her feast, the old girl, in her turn, felt drowsy. "I think," said she, "I now deserve a nap," and she lay down in a pool and went fast asleep. Presently the whale came along, having been hunting for the conger all over the place. As soon as he caught sight of her he roared in his wrath, "Is this what you call keeping your bargain?" and with one gulp he bolted her,—head, fins, tail and all.
'Then, having accomplished his revenge, and at the same time satisfied his appetite, his contentment was complete and he rolled over on his side in the shallow water, and fell into a deep sleep.
'Now, thought I, is this not providential? Is there not here not merely the evening meal I left my cave to seek, but many meals for my good wife and children,—enough in fact to ward off hunger throughout the winter that is now fast approaching. Taking up a great rock I hurled it with all my force at the head of the whale and killed it on the spot. I now proceeded to cut up the great creature and carry it, piece by piece, to my cave, and that very night, when it was all
safely stowed, we cooked one great steak for supper, waking the children in order that they might share the meal, and the remainder my good wife preserved in brine. Thus in comfort we lived the winter through.
'The little oyster found its way back to its mother, and so grateful were they both for my endeavours to help them, that they took up their abode with us. Bertram grew to a fine chubby blue point. "Just like his father," said the proud mother, and nothing reached our hearts so nearly as his playful, charming ways.'
THE MUSICIAN
Sometimes now the old King showed signs of weariness, and Bill bethought him that a little music occasionally might soothe his nerves. So in the very next town they came to he engaged the only musician in the place, and very willing he was too to come along.
He played very wonderful music on his old concertina, often assisted with his voice, and one evening, after a very beautiful performance, the talented creature related the following story to his enchanted hearers:—
'Right glad have I been, good fellows all, to join you in this your noble enterprise to right our stout old brother of Troy here, and in good time I trust that
my great deeds shall prove my sincerity. But, in the meantime, as supper hour draws on apace, and the frizzling cutlets do scent the evening air, a little story should not be amiss to distract your anxious minds, and thus to check the impatience of your appetite.
'Know then, my jovial birds, my cunning blades, that I am the eldest son of that Prince of Polynesia who united the scattered kingdoms of this unwieldy archipelago into one vast empire, over which he ruled with even-handed justice and some common-sense until his death. Ah! lads, if all had their rights I should at the present moment be seated on the soft cushions of my father's throne, and maybe more able to be of help to you than I am now; but you must take the will for the deed.
'My word! what a plump and healthy child was I, and withal as jolly and as hearty as the day was long. Moreover, was not I the pride of the empire and the envy of all the other kings and princes who had ever seen or heard of me? Alas! who could have foretold that I was thus early in life destined to have a real good taste of the troubles of this weary world, and, though surrounded by every care and attention and the object of the greatest affection that ever bubbled in the human heart, shortly to become the victim of the meanest spite.
'But to proceed with the yarn—neither care nor expense was spared in my upbringing, to which possibly more thought was devoted than even to
the education of our very well-educated and trustworthy friend, the buxom Sicilian char-woman. At all events, the most certificated nurses procurable were continually being engaged, but apparently only to be dismissed again, for, almost perfect as most of them were, I can assure you that, in the course of a very little time they were certain, of course, to reveal (as was only natural) some slight weakness, and I ask you, good comrades all, which of us is without 'em? This overcarefulness on the part of my good parents was to be the cause of the disaster that was soon entirely to change the trend of my life.
'It came about in this way. One of the discharged nurses, indignant at what, with some show of reason, she considered an injustice to herself (she had been dismissed for curling my hair only a little to the right instead of quite to the right), resolved to revenge herself on her late master and mistress, in such a manner as should be most likely to leave them wretched for the remainder of their lives. Knowing the overextravagance of their affection for me, she cruelly determined to strike them in this, their weakest spot. One dark night, after cleverly evading the ever-wakeful guards, she crept into my father's palace. Stealing up the main staircase without attracting observation, she arrived at the now empty throne-room, which she stealthily traversed, keeping all the while close to the wall. She then passed through the little door at the left of the grand throne and found herself in the
billiard-room. She had not, however, taken two steps therein when a fearful panic seized her, for what should she behold but the stout form of my rare old dad the emperor leaning over the table, apparently in the act of making a brilliant stroke. A few seconds' consideration, however, served to convince the vengeful creature that he was fast asleep. Gnashing her teeth at the old gentleman, she hurried across the room and entered the library, in which my good mother was seated, reading. But so absorbed was the good lady in her book that she took no notice whatever of the agile intruder, as she entered by one door and swiftly left by the other. She now successively passed through the state ball-room, the music-room, the third best drawing-room, the second best ball-room, and the state bed-room, and mounting the back stairs, came to the suite of rooms occupied by the nurses, and eventually reached the nurses' dining-hall, into which my nursery led, without having excited any one's observation.
'Opening my door very quietly, she peeped in. All was dark inside except for the glimmer of a night-light which shone on the frilling of my cradle and on the form of the nurse then in office, who had fallen asleep over her supper of stewed apples. Creeping in quietly, the evil-minded woman lifted my sleeping form from the cradle, so gently that she did not awaken me, and, holding me closely to her, once more successfully passed through all the apartments
she had already traversed, without arousing any suspicion, and at length found herself again in the open air.
'Without losing a moment, she now made off to the woods, and after wandering in these for some time, she met an old witch with whom, no doubt, she had an appointment. Seated on the grass, the two women haggled and haggled, and at last the treacherous nurse sold me to the witch for three cocoanuts, and then went on her way and out of my life for ever.
'Now it happened that the old witch lived in the hollow trunk of a tree with her foster son, a tiny gnome named Orpheus, as quaint a little object as ever I set eyes on, who played incessantly and most beautifully on an old concertina, the very one, in fact, which I now carry with me. The little fellow had been found some years before by the old witch wandering near the ruins of an old temple in the very middle of the wood. To whom he belonged, and whence he had come, no one knew,—not even he himself, perhaps. However, the old girl adopted him, and now nothing could exceed the motherly affection with which she regarded this dry and shrivelled-up little chap,—unless, indeed, it was the ardour with which the grateful gnome returned it. In fact, I learned some time afterwards that the old witch had purchased me solely that I might be a companion for this rum little person.
'The old girl, weird as was her general appearance, did all she could to make me comfortable,—in fact far more than an ordinary witch would have dreamt of doing,—and in recognition of her well-intentioned attitude towards myself, I encouraged the spark of friendliness I began to feel for her. But for her darling son, as soon as I grew accustomed to his quaint appearance, and realised his kindness of heart and friendly disposition towards myself, I conceived a great affection. He would climb to the topmost branches of our tree, to practise his exercises every morning, in order that I should not be worried with melancholy
repetitions, and, when perfected in some melody, who shall describe the unaffected joy with which he would come down and play it for my delight? How often in the moonlight (I lying on the grass at his side) would he play over and over again to me some melancholy air, while our foster-mother, mayhap, would be sweeping the dead leaves from our abode, and preparing it for our night's repose.
'Not I alone was gratified and enchanted by his dulcet tones, for all the creatures of the woodland drew near and listened as night gradually covered the sky, and he played through his evening pieces.
'Elephants hovered around in the shadows of the trees, and sighed great slobbering sighs. Bullfinches, sparrows, eagles, flamingoes, wild geese, peacocks, turkeys, cranes, pelicans, and every manner of bird, thronged the branches of the trees, and, with their heads and beaks sunk almost into their feathers,
opened and closed their eyes in their rapturous surprise. The lions and tigers sprawled about, wishing, in pure shame at their habitual monstrous cruelties, that they had been vegetarians from the very beginning: such power had the music of Orpheus. Even the mad-headed monkeys and apes, sitting in rows amongst the trees, thought, Good heavens! what fools they were! and, blushing at their childish tricks, wondered if it yet were possible to reform and take a serious view of life. The old snake, quite overcome and enthralled by the delicious strains, opened wide his jaws, and allowed the little missel-thrush to nestle therein, and, thus protected from the night-air, to listen to the music in comfort. However, no lasting reformation was ever effected in their untamed natures, for no sooner had the music ceased than each scurried away, once again to resume his depredations and savage ways.
'It happened one evening that the gnome surpassed himself by his rendering of some enchanting melodies, and every one was quite enthralled and rendered almost helpless. The birds sank their heads and beaks lower and lower into their feathers, as the music proceeded, until they were no longer visible. The lions and tigers rolled on their backs in the grass, in an agony of despair at their own unreformable lives: the elephants turned quite white, and trembled so violently that they could hardly support their own huge bulks and leant against one another to prevent
themselves coming down with a crash; such a great lump had risen in the throat of the giraffe as quite distorted his otherwise graceful neck; while the monkeys gibbered and blubbered tearfully to themselves, and the old rascal of a snake slipped right off into a trance.
'At last the music ceased, and the little musician left me while he went in to hang up his musical instrument in safety. Meanwhile, in spite of the state to which they had been elevated, the absurd creatures had all scurried off, as usual, with no other thought in their savage minds than to get each his own supper at any cost. The old snake, however, did not recover as quickly as the others, and when at length he awakened from his trance, he could see that all the others had vanished, and that I was lying on the grass, quite unprotected, the gnome not having, as yet, returned to my side. "Ha, ha!" said he to himself, his savage nature having returned in all its force, "what a slice of luck! By gum! I never see such a beauty. Won't the youngsters be just delighted!" He rapidly slithered in my direction and, quickly tying the end of his long form securely round me, slithered away again, carrying me through the long grass at a bewildering speed.
'After travelling in this rough fashion for some time, we at length came to a clearing in the heart of the wood, in which stood all that remained of the ancient temple, and amongst its fallen columns and walls, overgrown as they were with wild flowers and tall grasses, the old snake had made his home, where
he lived in comfort with his wife and a large brood of pranksome snakelets.
'We were greeted by the youngsters with every mark of joy and surprise. "How good of you, Henry," cried the mother, "and what a really fine specimen! Shall we have him to-night, or keep him for next Tuesday, my birthday you know, dear?" After a little talk it was decided that I should be held over until the next Tuesday, and in the meantime I was placed in the larder, and given plenty of odd scraps to eat, no doubt to keep me plump and in good condition.
'Tuesday came round in due course and, in order to celebrate the day in a manner suitable to the greatness of the occasion, the old snake invited all his neighbours. When I was brought out of the larder, on a large dish, roars of delight rose to the sky from the throats of the assembled guests, all seated round on the fallen stones of the ruined temple.
'The old lion was there, smacking his lips in anticipation of a nice cut, and the tiger's mouth was visibly watering at the prospect of such a feast: while, as for the little snakelets, they kept up quite a clamour in their impatience to get at me. The monkeys, of course, contributed their share to the general uproar, though they seemed more inclined to fasten their eyes on the filberts and almonds with which I was garnished. The eagles took the whole thing very seriously and, flapping their great wings, screeched to the sky in their eagerness to begin; and all the other guests,
the giraffes, the zebras, the hippos, the storks, the flamingoes, the wild cats, the pelicans, the wild geese, the peacocks, the turkeys, and every thinkable animal contributing to the general noise, there was such an awful din that the snake could only obtain silence by using the thin end of his long body as a flail on the drum-like sides of the elephant. He then made a few remarks on the importance of the occasion, and referred to his wife in quite a graceful way, for a snake; and, continuing, asked one of the guests to volunteer to carve. The stork, having a very convenient beak for the purpose, stood up and offered his services, which were gratefully accepted.
'I was now placed on the grass directly in front of the carver, who was about to skewer me with his long and sharp beak, when there came to our ears from far away amongst the trees that surrounded us on every side, the sweet harmonies of that lovely song "The Pond where Herbert Drownded," played with the greatest sympathy on the concertina. At once the stork turned its head in the direction whence the sound proceeded, and as it gradually drew nearer and nearer I became more and more convinced that such music could only be produced by my friend and foster-brother.
'All the creatures in varying degrees were affected; the snake and his wife coiled themselves on the grass and gasped in rapture; the stork and all the birds closed their eyes, and their heads sank lower and lower
into their fluffy bodies, until like balls of feathers they rolled over and lay trembling in the grass.
'The lion and tiger were so overcome that they leant their old heads on their paws and sobbed aloud, while the monkeys grew fidgety and quite self-conscious at first, and then abandoned themselves to the melancholy aroused by the music.
'The gnome, whom I afterwards learnt had been wandering about the wood playing mournful airs on his concertina ever since he had missed me, now drew near, and finishing "The Pond where Herbert Drownded" proceeded with "Poor Molly Dawson" and
other tunes of an equally affecting nature. On seeing that all were sufficiently bowled over, he struck up with "Oh, Jack, he was a Bright Spark," and so lively and brisk was the measure that up they all jumped and danced and danced with the greatest spirit.
'The strangest figure of all was cut by the old snake who pirouetted on the end of his tail at the greatest speed, in which weird performance he was soon joined by his wife. The eagle extended his wings and waltzed with the elephant; the lion and tiger spun round, holding each other by the paw, so quickly that it was almost impossible to see them; the old turtle rolled over on the back of its shell and span like a teetotum, with the silly monkeys linking hands and in one wide ring skipping around it; in fact, all got up and jumped and lumped and sprawled about in the most ridiculous fashion until they were quite out of breath. Nevertheless, Orpheus would not let them rest, but marched off playing the most exciting music, and all the infatuated creatures, quite forgetful of their banquet, followed him through the wood. Strange enough, in all conscience, was this, but how much stranger by far was it when the very stones of the ruin leapt up, and rolling over and over, also followed in this odd procession as it tramped and crashed through the trees.
'From where I was seated on the dish I could hear the sounds of the music gradually fading away, as the musician led the noisy crew further and further
off; the crash of the falling branches and the crackle of the breaking underwood died down in the distance and I knew that I was saved.
'The little gnome led the bewitched creatures such a dance through the wood that one by one they fell down in a state of collapse, and when the last was quite overcome, the faithful fellow returned to the temple and carried me home.
'Never again did they leave me alone for a single second until I was able to take care of myself, and I spent the years of my boyhood in great happiness with these two simple and kindly souls. Brother Orpheus took no end of pains in teaching me to play the
concertina and, eager to learn, I soon became proficient. But, dear lads, clever as you know me to be, never could I even approach the skill of my good and patient master.
'In the course of time the old witch had to die, and the grief of her little foster son was so great at his loss that, try as I would, I could not in any way lighten it. One day soon after I missed the little man, and he never returned again. All that he left behind him for me to remember him by was his old concertina.
'I waited by the tree for many a long day, still thinking that he would return, until I was compelled at last to abandon all hope of ever seeing him again. I wandered out into the world with no other wealth than my concertina, but how often since have I had to bless the memory of my little friend who thus endowed me with the means of subsistence, and, at the same time, with a protection against all manner of evil.'
THE LOST GROCER
For many and many a weary mile the persevering little band had now trudged on without meeting with any adventure worth relating, and every one was longing for the end of their travels, when one lovely evening they came across a good-natured-looking policeman, fast asleep on a stile by the roadside. The tramp, tramp of the army awakened him, and with a gentle smile he got off his perch and walked alongside the King. Charmed with his easy manner, the King jokingly asked him of what he had been dreaming that he smiled so pleasantly. 'Oh, of old times and old friends,' the policeman replied, and then as he walked along he thus related the strangest of experiences:—
'Many years ago it was my happy lot to be the
principal policeman of the pleasant little town of Troutpeg, situated, as you know, on the banks of the river Peg, just where it flows into the estuary of the Drip, that here broadens into that well-known land-locked harbour of the same name, and thus finally finds its way to the sea. Nestling amongst its stone-capped hills, the happy place seemed designed by a kind nature as a retreat for all who were blithe and amiable, and such indeed it proved to be, for no more kindly and genial souls than the Troutpegsters could be found. Their simplicity was delightful, though perhaps such as to incline them all the more readily to believe in the wild legends of the country-side. Many were the strange stories told by the shepherds, who tended their flocks on the hills at night, of wild rites, and uncouth dances performed by ghostly beings, in the light of the moon, amidst the ancient circles of Druid stones. Little else, however, was there to disturb the peaceful thoughts of the Troutpegsters.
'The prosperity of the township was so great, and the comfort of each of its inhabitants so well assured that for many years no wickedness of any kind had shown its head, and the life of a policeman in this happy and secluded town was one long summer holiday. To be sure, a little skirmish here and there amongst the lads might make it wise gently to exert my authority, or a little quarrel amongst the girls call forth a slight rebuke, but otherwise my life was one of unbroken peace.
'My dearest friend was the tea-grocer, a man of sad and dreamy ways and quite devoid of guile, who returned my affection with all the ardour of a singularly loving nature. He shared his every joy with me, and when his holidays came round no greater recreation could he find than in my society. Walking by my side as I strolled along my beat, he would confide to me his simple hopes and fears, and in his troubles seek my readily extended sympathy. Such simplicity and inoffensive mien had he as brought to him a rich harvest of respect and love, together with the custom of his fellow-townsmen.
'In time his little store became quite an evening resort for those older townsmen who, no longer able to race about the green when work was done, would perhaps look in to purchase half a pound of coffee or tea, or sugar or salt for the good wife, and stay chatting with the amiable grocer. Then maybe one would look in to buy an ounce of tobacco, or the excellent snuff for which the grocer was far famed, and so on and so on until the shop was full. Seated around on the tea-chests, coffee bins, tobacco boxes and snuff tins, many a pleasant evening have we spent, enlivened by good-natured arguments and discussions on every conceivable subject.
'One sultry summer's afternoon, as I was standing thinking in the cobbled high-street, the quiet of the still warm day disturbed only by the gentle breathing of the shopmen as they dozed amongst their wares,
or the distant bleating of the sheep as they browsed in and out the rocks and Druid stones capping the surrounding hills, the comforting remembrance came to me of many a refreshing cup of tea partaken with the grocer in the snug little parlour behind his shop. With hardly a thought of what I was about, I allowed my idle steps gently to stray towards the homely store of my friend. Entering therein, and finding that he was away from home, I sat me down upon the little chair, so thoughtfully provided for weary customers, and with my head supported by the counter, resumed my broken train of thought until, completely overcome by a sense of drowsy comfort, I feel asleep.
'I was suddenly awakened by the church clock striking eight, and found that all the town was wrapped in slumber and that the grocer had not yet returned. Wondering what on earth could keep him away so late, and hoping that no harm had overtaken him, I stiffly arose from my seat, stretched myself, and betook me to my home and bed.
'On the following morning my first thought was for my friend, and on learning that he had not returned during the night, I called in turn on each of his neighbours,—the doctor, the vicar, the solicitor, the postman, and the corn-chandler, and many another equally interested in his movements. Not one, however, had seen him since the previous day, and all showed the liveliest concern and anxiety at his mysterious absence.
'Night followed day, and day again followed night, with no sign of the vanished grocer. Weeks now passed by, and grief took possession of the little town at the loss of one who was missed at every turn. Hoping that even yet he might return, we kept his shop still open for him, and the little birds, encouraged by the silence, flew in and out and nested in the scales and amongst the stores, glutting their fluffy little bodies with the sugar-plums, the currants, the herbs and spices that everywhere abounded. And even the swallows, so much entertainment did they find therein, forgot, as the summer drew to its close, to fly away, preferring much to sleep the winter through in comfort.
'But alas! months, and years and years and years rolled by, and the grocer never returned, and in time little enough thought was given to one who had, at one time, been held in such esteem by all. But we, the older Troutpegsters, still thought at times of our vanished friend, and many were the theories we suggested to account for his disappearance.
'One held that he had been beguiled by gypsies, another that he had been stolen to be exhibited as a rare model of virtue in some distant clime, while others believed that the fairies, envious of our happiness in possessing such a friend, had taken him from our midst; but all agreed that we should have guarded our treasure with greater care.
'One never-to-be-forgotten evening the doctor, the
solicitor, the vicar, the corn-chandler, and myself (some of us already stricken in years) were seated, as was now our evening custom, upon the rustic bridge that carries the road across the river Peg. The fragrant smoke of our long pipes rising to the evening sky, our conversation, as was now so frequently the case, had drifted from politics, sport, fashions and the latest police intelligence to lovingly-recalled memories of our long-lost friend, and so sad did we become that lumps as large as egg plums rose to our throats, and our eyes brimmed over with tears.
'Drying our eyes we now smoked on in silent contemplation of the past; the night gradually drew down, and the first star appeared in the cloudless sky when there came to us the sound of a distant footstep, coming along the road towards the town, and presently a strange figure hove in sight,—an old, old man, with
long tangled grey hair and shaggy beard, clothed in the most pitiable rags, torn, and held together with straw and odd pieces of string. He passed slowly across the bridge, leaning heavily on his staff, and limped with difficulty towards the town, into which with one accord we followed him.
'Down the cobbled high street he walked until he came to the shop of the vanished grocer into which he turned without any hesitation. Wondering what business could take him there, we all hastened to the door of the shop, and there, with the utmost astonishment, beheld the stranger remove his threadbare coat, and replace it with the grocer's moth-eaten apron that had hung for so long from a peg on the door; then he commenced dusting the shop and putting it
straight. As I gazed, my astonishment gave place to the most incredulous amazement when I detected in the old man a fancied likeness to the departed grocer. At last, after closer scrutiny, I was convinced that it was indeed no other than my friend actually returned after all these years, and as he at the same time more easily recognised me, we fell into each other's arms, and who shall describe the extravagance of our joy?
'In a little while, when we had calmed down, we all retired to the little parlour behind the shop, and our good friend brewed us a cup of tea as of old, and after a little gentle persuasion related to us the following strange story of his disappearance:—
'"On that memorable summer afternoon, many years ago, as I was weighing out the sugar into pound and half-pound packets (which, as you may remember, was my rule at that time of day to prepare for the evening trade), a strange old gentleman, clothed in the deepest black from cap to slippers, yet withal possessed of the most snowy ringlets and beard, entered my shop and begged of me some food for his family, assuring me that they were all slowly dying of starvation.
'"Affected by his story, I was making up for him a parcel containing lentils, raisins, dates, figs, sugar, and other goods which I thought might be acceptable, when, to my astonishment, the ungrateful old rascal snatched up a large tin of the finest snuff, which you
will remember I used to sell in great quantities, and bolted with it out of the shop.
'"Without a moment's hesitation I divested myself of my apron, and donning my coat, followed him at the greatest speed. Away he ran down the high street towards the bridge, which he very soon crossed, and now along the river bends he sped, with me close at his heels. For miles we ran, even as far as the source of the river Peg, which we doubled and came tearing down the other side. I now perceived that, in spite of his age, he ran almost quicker than I did. Presently into the river he plunged, I following close, and then he retraced his steps towards its source. Once more plump into the river we went, and as I scrambled up the opposite bank I noticed to my dismay that, while I grew more tired and out of breath as we ran, he became brisker and fresher. Discarding his hat, cloak, and slippers, though still holding on to the snuff tin, he now appeared in robes of dazzling white, which, with his hair and long white beard, flowed behind him as he ran, and gradually increased the distance between us.
'"Soon I could perceive that he was making for the hill above the town which, with no difficulty at all, he mounted long before I had reached its foot, and when at last I struggled to the top the old rogue was seated upon one of the Druid stones that here in one great circle crown the hill, smiling, and hugging to himself the while the tin of snuff. On seeing me
again, he soon jumped down, and I dodged him in and out of the stones for at least three hours by the church clock, and then weary and utterly dejected I sat me down on a stone in the centre of the ring and wept bitterly. Directly beneath me I could see, through my tears, the lights of our little town shine out here and there from the gathering darkness, while over the hills, away to my left, the edge of the full red moon began to show. As higher and higher it climbed the sky, one by one there leapt from the earth beneath each stone an aged Druid all clothed in white, with long waving grey locks and beard, and crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe. When the circle of Druids was quite complete the old rascal who had lured me from my shop, and who now appeared to be their chief, stepped towards me, now far too bewildered and astounded to resist, and solemnly placed upon my brow a wreath of wild violets. Then separately, each of the Druids came forward with some offering which he placed before me, afterwards returning to his place in the circle, so that presently there grew upon the grass in front of me a great mound of vegetables, fruit, flowers, haunches of venison, fowls, hares, rabbits, and young lambs. At length, every Druid having made his offering, their chief handed round the tin of snuff from which each old fellow took a large pinch, and then, linking hands, they danced wildly round me.
'"In utter silence, by the light of the moon, now
high in the sky, these solemn rites were performed, and still without a sound they whirled quicker and quicker around me, their feet hardly seeming to touch the ground, and their long loose garments streaming after them as they flew.
'"Presently the distant chime of the church clock striking twelve reached me from the town below and I gradually fell into a trance, as one by one the old Druids sank into the earth beneath the stones.
'"Every day since then until to-day have I passed in complete oblivion, and every night have I awakened to find myself seated on the stone in the centre of the ring of Druids, with all the power of resistance taken from me, compelled to be the object of their weird rites.
'"Last night, however, just as the church clock began to strike twelve, such a rush of memories flooded my brain, and such a longing to see my old home and friends took possession of me, that a terrible rage at the cruel tyranny of the Druids had gathered in my bosom before the clock had finished striking the hour. When it was about to strike the last beat, I arose from my seat in the centre of the circle and approaching the wicked old chief, I snatched the snuff tin from his hands and clapped it, snuff and all, right down over his eyes. Strange to say the contents of the tin had not diminished by so much as a single pinch, and such a fit of sneezing seized the old scoundrel that he rolled on the grass in the greatest distress, quite unable to put the usual spell upon me. All the other Druids, with abject terror expressed on
their faces, sank at once into the ground. The form of the head Druid, sneezing and sneezing and sneezing, gradually faded away before my eyes, and long after he had completely disappeared the sneezing could still be heard. Eventually this died away, and pulling my clothes together as best I could (for by now they were all in rags), I made the best of my way home."
'Having finished his story the grocer now became very thoughtful, and we all sat round his little room smoking in silence until far into the night, wondering at the strange events he had related. Next day, and for a whole week, great festivities were held to celebrate his return, and the Mayor very willingly resigned his office in favour of one who was held in such esteem. Innumerable presentations were made to him and addresses read to him, yet, in spite of all the honours he received, never did he forget his old friends. Nor was he too proud to serve in his little shop, now enlivened by the songs of the birds he had not the heart to turn away. He spent the remainder of his useful life in the performance of kind deeds and in well-deserved happiness.'
THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND
THE MERCHANT
'Very, very good, indeed,' the King remarked when the policeman had finished his story, and he was so pleased that he gave all the youngsters a half-holiday, with strict injunctions to be back in time for tea.
At tea-time they all came skipping back, bringing with them a little old man they had found, apparently lost, and moping about the common. He carried in front of him a pedlar's tray, on which were exposed for sale many little oddments, such as reels of cotton, needles, pins, ribbons, and even little toys, which he now hawked round amongst the assembled company. As many as were able bought some small thing or other out of kindness to the little merchant, and the good-natured old monarch invited him to tea.
While they were all enjoying this meal, they were disturbed by a great noise, very much like the galloping of a horse, and suddenly, without any warning, right into their midst there leapt a very large woman, who immediately seized upon the little merchant, and attempted to drag him away. Bill at once went to the assistance of the little fellow, and endeavoured to pacify his assailant. At length the irate creature calmed down, and addressing the company in an aggrieved tone, said:—'It's all very well for you people to stand up for this wicked man, but not one of you knows the dance the little wretch has led me for the last fifteen years.'
'Of course,' the King answered, 'it is hardly to be expected that we should know anything of either of you, considering that this is the very first time we have had the pleasure of meeting you. Perhaps you will be so kind as to enlighten us, and explain to us your strange conduct.'
The large woman now sat down upon the grass and said:—'Well, I suppose I had better do so. Give me a cup of tea, and I'll let you know all there is to know.'
A cup of tea was accordingly handed to her, from which she took a sip, and then proceeded thus:—
'About fifteen years ago I was so unfortunate as to wed this poor specimen of a man you see before you, and we had not set up house together very long before I could see that he wanted thoroughly looking after, and, indeed, that he could hardly be allowed out by himself. Now this was very awkward, as his business required that he should be out all day, so I proposed to accompany him on his rounds. Holding him securely fastened to the end of a long cord, I never let him out of my sight for more than a minute at a time, and so kept him from mischief. After a year or so, however, this grew rather tiresome for me, as I had to neglect my household duties in attending upon my husband, and, in the end, was compelled to let him out again alone.
'But you may be sure I did not do this until I had laid down certain fixed rules for his behaviour, which I made him promise to obey. Amongst these, one was that he should start from home not a minute earlier and not a minute later than eight o'clock in the morning; another was, that if he returned either a minute earlier or a minute later than eight o'clock in the evening, he should go supperless to bed. And, would
you believe me, in spite of all my care, he would sometimes return earlier and, as I learnt afterwards, remain outside until the clock struck eight, when he would creep in as though he had only just returned?
'But my great trouble only began a few weeks ago, when, one evening, having cooked his nightly turnip, I waited patiently for my good man's return. At length the clock struck eight, and, to my surprise, it was not immediately followed by my husband's timid knock. One minute passed; two minutes passed; three minutes passed; four minutes passed; and, on the fifth minute, there was a low knock at the door, and in crept the miserable man, and cowered to his place. But, as you may suppose, there was no turnip for him that night, until he had given a satisfactory explanation of his late return. The only excuse the frightened little ruffian had to offer was, that he had dropped a needle on the road, and had to return for it. So he went supperless to bed.
'The next evening, having warmed up the old turnip, I again awaited his return. Eight o'clock struck, and, to my even greater surprise, it was not followed by the merchant's knock, and this time it was six minutes past before he entered, and with no better excuse for his late arrival than that he had dropped a reel of cotton on the road, and had to return for it. "Let this be a lesson to you, my man," said I, as I once more put away the turnip, which he had been regarding with longing eyes, and sent him to bed.
'For the third time, on the following evening, I warmed up the turnip, feeling convinced that after the severe lesson he had received, my merchant would not again serve me such a trick. But eight o'clock struck, and then one minute passed; then two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and as the minute-hand pointed to the ten, he crawled in on hands and knees, not daring to raise his eyes from the ground. And then I told him what I thought of his conduct.
'Without waiting to hear a word of explanation, I now locked him in a cupboard beneath the stairs, put the turnip away, and went to bed. In the morning I let him out, but of course gave him no breakfast, and in due time he took his tray of goods, and left the house without a word. Hardly had he departed three minutes, when I hastily donned my bonnet and shawl, and followed him, determined to learn, if possible, what had delayed him on the three previous evenings. Keeping at a safe distance, I followed him all over the town, but nothing unusual happened. He called at every house, displaying his wares to any one likely to buy; selling a ribbon here, perhaps some pins or needles there, but his conduct, on the whole, seemed harmless enough. At length the day passed by, and the merchant started homewards; but he had not moved many paces, when he came to a stop, and seemed to debate in his mind whether he should return or not. Then, looking up and down the road, and seeing no one watching him, he suddenly took to his heels, and ran as hard as he could in the opposite direction. I lost no time in climbing over the wall, behind which I had been hiding, and quickly followed him. Out of the town the villain ran as swiftly as he could go, and I followed as close as possible, without being seen by him, and was only just in time to see the rogue climb into an old barrel that was standing, end up, in a field near the roadway. "Now," thought I, "I've got you in a trap, my fine fellow," and I ran up to the barrel. I could hardly believe the evidence of my eyes when I found it to be quite empty. Amazed
beyond measure, I at last turned my steps towards home.
'On arriving home, I found that my husband had not returned, and it was fully twenty minutes past eight when at last he appeared, but I was so astonished that I could not say a word to the little rascal, and once more he went supperless to bed.
'For four more days I followed the little man without approaching a solution to this riddle. Each day he would go about his business in the usual manner and, in the evening, he would run to the barrel, into which he would speedily disappear. He came home later and later every night, until I could stand this state of things no longer; and, on the sixth day I determined never to return until I had satisfactorily cleared up this mystery. This time, instead of following my merchant through the town, I went direct to the barrel, and, hiding myself behind a bush near by, prepared to wait there all day and see what happened.
'I had not made myself comfortable many minutes before I saw two old men coming along the road from the town; so old were they indeed, that they could only creep along by leaning one against the other. Right up to the barrel they crawled, and then, to my surprise, they scrambled over its sides and disappeared. Presently two more just as old and decrepit came along and disappeared in the same way. Now three more came, then two again, and then only one, all as old and wretched as could be, and each
one crawled into the barrel and vanished. This went on for some time when, unable to restrain my curiosity and wondering why on earth the barrel didn't become full, I hurriedly left my hiding-place and looked therein, to find that it yet remained quite empty. I had barely time enough to regain my hiding-place when more and more old men came along the road and disappeared into the barrel.
'This went on all day, and when the evening drew near, I could see my little man approaching from the town. As I expected, he walked straight up to the barrel, and in a twinkling had vanished inside. Without giving myself a moment to think, I once more left my hiding-place and climbed into the mysterious old tub. It was certainly rather a tight fit, but I managed to get in somehow or other. Presently I was astonished and alarmed to find that the bottom of the barrel, which I had imagined to rest on the earth, began to give way and open like a trap-door, and I felt myself sinking lower and lower, down a sort of well. The next thing, I found myself at the bottom of the well, and at the mouth of a tunnel so narrow and low that I could only go through it on my hands and knees. This, however, I proceeded to do, and found that it opened into a great chamber cut out of the solid rock.
'Not daring to enter, I gazed into this strange place, which was lighted with many candles all affixed to the rocky walls with their own tallow. On the centre of the floor was piled a great heap of children's
toys,—tin trumpets, wooden horses, drums, hoops, skipping-ropes, rocking-horses, peg-tops, in fact, every conceivable toy that a sensible child could wish for. Around this great heap, instead of children, sat all the poor miserable old men I had seen enter the barrel, and amongst them I now perceived my husband, who certainly seemed no happier than the rest. Securely hidden in the narrow passage from every one in the room, I could now watch all that took place, in the greatest comfort.
'Not a word was said by any of the decrepit creatures as they stared absently at the toys in the middle of the room. Presently one whom I took to be their host, as I had not seen him enter the barrel, took from a peg on the wall, from which it had been suspended by a piece of string, an old bent tin pipe and proceeded to play. At once the wrinkled faces of the poor old fellows began to brighten up, and as the music grew more lively, they rocked their withered frames to and fro to the tunes. Soon, one by one, they stood upon their feet, and seeming to lose their old age as the music every moment became more enchanting, they forgot their feebleness and danced gaily about the room.
'Younger and younger they grew, until my husband appeared to be such a dapper and bright little man that I could not prevent myself from leaving my hiding-place and going up to him and clasping him round the waist. Not a bit surprised did he seem to
see me there, and as we danced merrily up and down the room, to my great joy and astonishment, I felt myself growing younger every moment, whilst the rest of the company, now all transformed to fine young men, danced in one circle round us, as handsome a couple as you would wish to see.
'Still the magical music continued, and if anything grew more and more enchanting as we grew younger and younger, until we seemed to be frolicsome boys
and girls once more. At last we found ourselves to be a crowd of little toddling children, and, my word! how we grabbed at the great heap of toys placed there for our amusement, and what a time we had to be sure!
'Under the great heap of toys, we discovered the most glorious tarts, pastries, cakes and sweets, and it didn't seem to matter how much you ate of them, for you never lost your appetite for more. At last, alas! the wonderful music quieted down, and by degrees we once more lost our childhood, then our youth, and, when the music suddenly stopped, we all returned to our old selves again, and fell flat on our faces quite tired out, while our host hung up his old tin pipe on its peg in the wall.
'When we had all somewhat recovered, I fixed my eye upon my husband. "Now," thought I, "I've got you. This is how you waste your time, is it? And why you come home late for supper." The conscience-stricken
creature trembled before my gaze, and then made a rush for the door. All made way for him, but I quickly followed through the tunnel and mounted a ladder which led to the trap-door at the bottom of the barrel, out of which I climbed, but only in time to see the rascal disappear into the town. I then made the best of my way home.
'He had not returned when I arrived, so I waited three whole days and nights, prepared to make the unnatural man feel to the full my resentment at his shameful conduct. On the fourth day, as he had not come home, I went back to the tub, and not seeing any sign of him, I gave a kick to the old thing and sent it rolling over and over on its side. Would you believe me, there was not the slightest trace of any passage or well ever having existed beneath it. Since then I have wandered all over the country in search of this ungrateful wretch.' And the indignant woman, having finished her story, once more
attempted to drag the affrighted little merchant away. Bill again intervened, and after a few very kind words, successfully persuaded her to allow her husband to remain with them, at the same time inviting her to make one of their brave band.
This she only consented to do on condition that the policeman also never left them, 'as you never know,' said she, 'what the little wretch will be up to next.'
The policeman having no objection to fall in with her wishes, they all marched on in peace.
THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS
Time was now getting on, and the fidgety old King, weary of being constantly on the move, became more and more impatient to reach his journey's end. For many days they had been
crossing the great desert, and were fast approaching the further side when, one evening, the aggravating old fellow decided that they should march on right through the night. In vain did Bill point out to him how tired they all were; the old King would not even listen to him, so, whether they liked it or not, they had to jog on.
Wearily they trudged along, and towards morning they came upon a great stone sphinx, in the arms of which there nestled a company of little children, every one of whom was fast asleep. Presently, as the sun rose and shone under the lids of their eyes, they, one by one, awakened, and stared in mute astonishment at the dusty figures before them. Assuring them that they had nothing to fear at their hands, Bill, with the King's permission, invited them all to breakfast. Seated in a great circle on the sands, beneath the old sphinx, every one did his utmost to make the strangers comfortable and to remove their natural shyness; and, in a little while, it was a very jovial party that sat demolishing the substantial breakfast prepared for them. Many songs were sung and stories told by Bill and his comrades, and presently one of the little fellows, who appeared to be the youngest of their new friends, stood up and related the following story:—
'We are all brothers and sisters, and lived, until yesterday, with our good parents upon a sandbank in the mouth of the river Blim which, as you know, is one of the smaller tributaries of the river Nile. Our father
was a fisherman, and upon the only spot on the bank which remained invariably high and dry, the clever man had erected a shed which served us for home, and which, at least, protected us from the showers of spray blown from the rough seas, and the chill winds that blew across the neighbouring marshes, as well as the cold rains that, in the fall of the year, flooded the adjacent country for miles around. A dozen stout beams, that had been cast up by the waves, served, each with one end deeply embedded in the wet sand, as a framework for our humble mansion. These were covered over with numerous skins of fish and pieces of old rag, all neatly stitched together by our industrious mother, or pinned by fish-bones skilfully sharpened by grinding their ends between two stones. Our good dad's stock-in-trade consisted of one long piece of frayed string, with a sharpened fishbone, bent in the form of a hook, fastened at one end, a small boat and a paddle, the former of which he had skilfully fashioned out of an old basket that had been washed ashore, and over which he had stretched more of the rags and fish-skins, of which we always possessed a goodly supply saved over from our meals.
'During the long winter months we were entirely cut off from our fellow creatures by the floods and the terrible storms at sea, and were compelled to subsist entirely upon our own resources; and thus we learnt, after many a bitter trial, to make almost everything we required from the spoils brought home by our
hard-working father. The flesh of the fish, of course, served us for meat, either fresh or pickled in brine, and then dried in the sun. The roes, prepared in the same way, were our only delicacies, and, by an indulgence in these, we used to celebrate our many birthdays. Fish dripping we had in plenty, and the bones were dried and ground between two rocks, making the finest flour for bread and pies. The tails and fins were always saved, and, after a simple drying process, made excellent fuel, easily set alight with sparks kindled by knocking two stones sharply together. A fine black ash was left from fires kindled in this way, which, mixed with a little sea-water, made one of the purest inks. The good dad always encouraged us to make notes on the smooth white skins of the young dab, bleached and dried in the sun, explaining how useful they would be to us in after-life, and showed us how to cut pens from the larger bones of the fish. The only parts which the unselfish man reserved for himself were the eyes which, when dried, were his only substitute for tobacco in that lone part of the world, and which he smoked in a pipe most beautifully carved by himself, from the spine of an old cod.
'The heads of the fish served the younger children for bricks, or even, after a little trimming, for dolls, with which they amused themselves during the long winter evenings. Many another device had we whereby we made the most of our very small opportunities, but you will readily see how dependent we were for everything
upon the good fortune and resources of our father, without whom we should all very quickly have perished.
'For many days and nights at a time our good dad would remain upon the sea, returning sometimes with a good supply of fish; at other times, alas! with only one or two little dabs, or even with nothing at all. Yet, by dint of saving up for a rainy day, when we had more than enough for our present needs, we managed to jog along fairly comfortably. One sad winter's evening, however, our good parent returned, having caught nothing but a very small dab and a very severe cold. Our anxious mother, in a state of alarm, lit a great fire and, after making him take a bowl of steaming fish gruel, with his feet at the same time in a bath of hot sea-water, she sent him to bed, and covered him up with as many fish skins as she could spare from the house. The next day he was decidedly worse, and our anxiety increased day by day as he showed no signs of improvement. Very soon, with no one to replenish our larder, our stores began to run low, and starvation stared us in the face.
'At last one morning the invalid called our eldest brother to him and said to him:—"Son, our stores are all eaten up, and unless we obtain food by to-morrow morning we shall all surely die, so take my boat and fishing-line and see what luck will attend you." With tears in his eyes, the good-hearted boy left the house and very soon embarked.
'Having paddled some way out to sea, he threw his line, and fished and fished. After a little while he drew it in again to find, alas! that he had caught nothing. For the second time he cast his line, and fished and fished and fished, but on again pulling in the line he found that he had no better luck. He now for the third time threw out his line, and fished and fished and fished and fished, yet no better fortune attended him; so, bitterly disappointed, he wound up the tackle and paddled home.
'Sorrowfully the unhappy father heard of his eldest son's want of success, and then sent for his second
eldest son, and requested him to see if fortune would be kinder to him than it had been to his brother. But, alas! he returned likewise without even so much as a whitebait. Then, one after the other, he sent all his sons except myself, who am the youngest of all, but not a little piece of luck awaited any of them. The wretched man now called me to him and said:—"Son, hitherto I have been reluctant to send one so young upon such an errand, but, alack-a-day! you are now our only hope; unless good fortune waits upon you we shall all perish."
'After comforting him as much as I could, and assuring him that I would do my best, I hastened down to the shore and embarked in the little boat. I paddled a good way out to sea until I came to a suitable fishing-ground, and then threw out my line. I fished and fished and fished and fished, and on drawing in my line found nothing on the hook except the bait, a wretched piece of dried fish skin, which looked very draggled as it rose from the water.
"Better luck next time," thought I, as I threw my line for the second time, and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished. Yet, on pulling up the line, I found to my dismay that instead of better luck I had even worse, if that were possible, for the wretched bait had vanished from the hook. "Once more," thought I, as I dropped my line overboard for the third time, "and, fish or no fish, I must give it up, even though we all die of starvation." So I fished and fished and fished and fished and fished with all my might, and when at length I had hauled it in you may imagine my distress when I discovered that not merely was there no fish upon the line, but that the hook itself had disappeared. With tears of rage and disappointment I now gave it up and prepared to return, but I had not gone very far when I thought, "Shall I have just one more try even without hook or bait?" And not giving myself any time to think about it, I hurled my line out for the fourth time and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished and fished as hard as I could, when fancying that I felt a nibble, I hauled it in as quickly as possible and found an old sardine-tin which had become entangled in the line.
'Hastily opening the tin, all I found therein was the head of an old sprat. "Alas!" said I to myself, "is this, after all my troubles, the only food I can take to my suffering father and hungering mother and brothers and sisters; better it would have been had
we never been born!" and the tears streamed down my face.
'As I bent low over my miserable catch a great shadow passed across the boat and suddenly looking up, I beheld a beautiful albatross sailing in the sky above me. No sooner did the graceful creature catch sight of the head of the sprat than it swooped down upon the tin that contained it, snatching it from my hands, and flew off with it as speedily as possible. Now it happened I had not let go my hold on the line, the other end of which was still fastened to the tin, so that in a very few minutes I felt myself lifted bodily up and whirled through the air and out to sea at a great speed. Dangling many feet beneath the great bird, on and on I was carried over the tops of the waves, in the greatest anxiety lest the marauding fowl should take a lower flight, in which case I should inevitably have been plunged into the sea and drowned.
'How many miles we travelled thus it would be impossible for me to tell, but at length my arms grew tired of holding on and supporting my weight, and I began to fear every moment that I should slip off into the sea, when I beheld a fishing-boat in the distance, right in our course. Hoping that we should reach it before my strength gave out I anxiously watched the vessel as we gradually drew near. At last I found myself directly over the boat, and shutting my eyes, I let go my hold on the line, and dropped down right
on to a pile of fish in the middle of the deck, sending them flying in all directions amongst the astonished fisherman.
'My remarkable appearance amongst them had the most astonishing effect upon the fishermen. They one and all leapt into the sea, and notwithstanding my endeavours to entice them back to the boat, and to explain to them my sudden descent upon their vessel, the affrighted creatures swam off to the
distant shore, which, let us hope, they reached in safety.
'Looking around me I now discovered, to my great joy, that the boat was full of the finest fish, so, seizing the oars, I turned her head towards home, where I arrived with my prize on the following morning, after a hard night's work, rowing the heavily-laden craft to shore.
'The rejoicings were great, as you may well imagine, when my good parents and brothers and sisters beheld me again, for all had given me up for lost, our old boat having been washed ashore the previous evening. A great meal of fish was prepared as soon as possible, at which we all ate heartily after so long a fast, and the old gentleman's condition was greatly improved by the meal.
'Long before the large supply of food had been consumed, the good living and comfort had restored our dad's health, and he was able to resume his fishing. Being now so much better equipped with the fine boat in which I had returned, and with the splendid tackle we discovered therein, good luck always attended his fishing and we never wanted any more.
'In the course of time it became necessary that their children should all leave them and seek their fortunes, and only yesterday morning, with many tears, we bade adieu to our kind-hearted parents and started on our journey.'
The young strangers were now all thoroughly
refreshed by their breakfast, and learning the nature of the campaign upon which the King and his army were engaged, willingly offered their assistance as camp-followers, or in any other way that they might be useful. The King very gratefully accepted their services, and before resuming the march the whole army went out of their way and visited the kindly fisherman. The King was pleased to confer many honours on the old fellow, and, before leaving him, promised to look after his numerous family, and in the future to provide for all their wants.
THE SIEGE OF TROY
Early one fine morning, before the soldiers had arisen, the King, in a very excited state, called his general to his bedside and, pointing through the opening of his tent, said:—
'Bill, can you see, far away upon the horizon, that little point of light?' And Bill, straining his eyes in the direction indicated, was indeed able to detect a little flash, as though the sun were shining upon a cucumber frame many miles away.
'Well,' said the old man, 'that is the reflection of the sun upon the dome of my palace in Troy.'
Bill, delighted that at last they were nearing their journey's end, went off and awakened the camp with the glad news, and all came running out and gazed in the direction of Troy; and so heartened were the brave fellows at the sight that they gave three resounding cheers.
Their eagerness to be off was so great that there was no breakfast that morning, and soon performing a hurried toilet, and speedily packing up their sticks, they were on the move once more. The King's excitement knew no bounds and, after distributing amongst his followers the contents of his pocket, he insisted on climbing out of his chariot, and giving each of his officers in turn a ride therein. Having travelled some little way, the King suddenly called a halt, and held up his hand for silence, and then, in the clear air, could be heard the bells of Troy! More excited than ever, the King now took off his crown, and removing some of the jewels with the pen-knife which Bill had presented to him on his birthday, gave one to each of his chief officers.
In a little time the towers of Troy came into view, on the further edge of the great plain they were crossing, and the elated King, quite beside himself with joy and expectation at this glorious sight, stood upon the seat of his chariot and danced, much to the alarm of Boadicea, who was wheeling him. He then sat down again, and, taking off his slippers, he threw them, one by one, as high into the air as he could, and caught
them as they descended. As they came nearer and nearer to their goal the old fellow's spirits rose to such a pitch that something really had to be done, so the musician was told-off to play soothing tunes to him, and in time the excitable creature calmed down, only, however, to break out again when they halted that night before the walls of Troy. At last, to keep him quiet once and for all, and out of everybody's way, they put him to bed with a soothing-draught made up by the doctor.
The approach of the gallant fellows had been closely observed from the watch-towers of the city, and, in consequence, they found the gates fast closed when they halted before them. And, as nothing could be done that night, they fixed up their camp and retired to rest.
On the following morning, Bill sent the merchant's wife as an ambassadress into the city, to demand its instant surrender, and very gladly she undertook the task.
'This is quite in my line,' said she, as she knocked for admittance at the gate, through which she was admitted after a little delay. Bill waited anxiously for her reappearance, hoping that the King of Persia would be wise enough to give up the city without further trouble, but suddenly a great roar resounded from the other side of the walls, and almost immediately afterwards the ambassadress, with tufts of the Persian King's hair held between her clenched fingers, was thrown out of the gates.
'There's nothing for it now,' thought Bill, 'but to lay siege to the place,' and he at once proceeded to walk round the city and examine the nature of the ground; after which he mustered his whole force before him, and disposed them according to the accompanying plan:—
In this way Bill completely surrounded the city, allowing no provisions of any kind to enter, and prepared to wait until the inhabitants had exhausted all their stores, and could hold out no longer.
These were the instructions of General Bill to his army, to be faithfully carried out during the siege:—
1. That the King was not to be allowed out of his tent on any account, in spite of his impatience.
2. That, with the exception of the general and the scout, no warrior was allowed, without his officers permission, to leave his post, day or night, during the siege, and if any one were discovered sleeping without one eye open, his allowance of sugar for porridge next morning was to be stopped.
3. That the scout was to be continually on the move.
4. That Boadicea was to prepare all the meals, and that at each meal time she was to take the food she had cooked to the soldiers (an extra large portion being always reserved for the King).
5. That every morning, with breakfast, she was to take to each his boots brightly polished, a bowl of hot water to wash in, and a comb, and that every evening she should bring them their slippers and their night-shirts.
For three years the siege went on, in quite a peaceful and, at times, even a pleasant way, with no sign at all of the Trojans feeling any discomfort; in fact, since the Merchant's Wife had been turned from
the city, not a sound had been heard from within the walls.
Now it happened one morning, about this time, that the gates, to every one's surprise, were thrown open, and a messenger, with a flag of truce, came forth. The poor fellow looked hungry enough, indeed, yet the Merchant's Wife roughly seized upon the famished creature, much to his annoyance, and brought him to the general. Bill, hoping that he had come with an offer from the King of Persia to surrender the city, joyfully handed the young man a chair and a biscuit, and, before allowing him to speak, insisted on his eating a bowl of hot porridge. When he had hungrily demolished the food, Bill kindly invited him to deliver his message, which, in a hesitating manner, he thus proceeded to do:—
'The King of Persia sends greetings to his dear old friend, the King of Troy, and wishes to assure him that he bears no ill-will towards him. On the contrary, his happiest moments are spent in recalling those far-off times when, as young children, they played the livelong day together, in good-will and friendliness. He also begs him, for a few minutes, to allow his natural kindness to overcome his enmity, and send his old friend, now faint with hunger, enough suet to make just a little pudding for himself.'
Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the King of Troy, who seemed very much affected on hearing it.
'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and tell him that if he surrenders the city at once, he can have as nice a snack of dinner as he could wish.'
The messenger returned to the city with the message and the cracknel, and Bill waited all through the day and night, but no word came from the city.
After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought, the King of Persia would be feeling hungry, he called to him the nine stout sons of Crispin and Chloe and then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the Sicilian Char-woman, and between them they managed to wrap up each of the brave lads in brown paper, properly secured with strong string, making nine very neat parcels. The general had previously instructed the brave fellows how to act at the right moment, and in the meantime to remain perfectly still. These parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese cake, fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau,
mince pies, Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions, and then all neatly piled upon the King's wheeling-chair, which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.
Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife and the Char-woman (being the two strongest people in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the gates, in front of which they emptied its contents.
The hungry Trojans had observed their approach, from the walls above which could now be seen innumerable heads popping up and down, and no sooner did they see what the chair was supposed to contain than they climbed down, and without any hesitation opened the gates. Bill then spoke to the Trojans in the following words:—
'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of Persia and hearing that his stores are exhausted, and, although at war with him, not wishing that he should suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired with the empty wheeling-chair and took up their position before the walls once more.
In the meanwhile the parcels were taken into the city and presented to the King of Persia who was then sitting, with the whole of his court, hungrily wondering what was going to happen next. The parcels were heaped up before him, and he could hardly conceal his delight and eagerness to begin on the victuals at once. All his courtiers too seemed quite inclined to forget their manners and help themselves
before they were asked. The King now took up the largest parcel, labelled Pontefract cakes, which happened to contain Hannibal, when at a given signal each one of the courageous young fellows broke from his confinement and at once set on those around him. Hannibal and Noah seized the Persian King and bound him securely with some of the string from the parcels; each of the other brave sons of Crispin bound some minister or courtier in the same way, and the rest of the court fled from the palace in abject terror.
The nine lads now gave chase, and the panic which possessed the affrighted courtiers spread, in no time, through the city, and the whole of the inhabitants were soon fleeing before the infuriated fellows.
Possessed with the idea that their pursuers were in much greater force than they really were, the scared wretches made for the gates of the city, out of which they ran as hard as they could. Bill, the General, wisely allowed them to pass through his lines, which they did in the maddest terror, and then fled far away over the plain, as the besieging forces once more closed in around the city.
Seeing that the gates still remained open, Bill now marshalled his gallant army, and in one grand procession led them into the city.
In front of all solemnly marched the General; then the Real Soldier; then the Merchant's Wife; then the Sicilian Char-woman, proudly waving her flag; then followed a number of Bill's charges, the Ancient
Mariner, the Doctor, Camp-followers, the Musician playing triumphant music on his concertina, more Camp-followers, the Respectable Gentleman, the Scout, the Wild Man, yet more Camp-followers, the Merchant, and, last of all, preceded by the graceful Triplets, came the proud and glad old King himself, wheeled in great state by the faithful Boadicea, and guarded by the principal policeman of Troutpeg. The nine stout sons of Crispin, together with the remaining children, formed a guard of honour, extending from the city gates as far as the front door of the Palace, into which the excited and Royal old creature entered at last amid the cheers of his gallant followers.
His first act was to release the King of Persia, and after accepting very graciously his humble and sincere apologies for his unkindness, the clement old fellow gave him a good breakfast and packed him off to Persia. In a like kindly manner he treated the courtiers, after they had all suitably begged his pardon; and the inhabitants, who came trooping back as soon as they heard how graciously the rightful King was behaving, one and all clamoured to shake the delighted old monarch by the hand and pay their homage to him.
Thus, after all his trials and privations, this Royal and kindly creature was restored to his throne. The crown was done up and beautifully polished, and the old King once more crowned in great state. To show his gratitude to his brave and faithful followers he
appointed them all (with the exception of the Triplets, who soon returned to Blowdripping) to places of honour in his court. Thus:—
| Bill, | Commander-in-chief of the Army. |
| The Real Soldier, | General under Bill. |
| The Scout, | Officer of the Army. |
| Nine Sons of Crispin, | Bodyguard to the King. |
| The Camp-Followers and others | The Army. |
| Boadicea, | Royal Housekeeper. |
| Ancient Mariner, | Admiral of the Fleet. |
| Sicilian Char-woman, | Head Char-woman to Royal Household. |
| The Merchant's Wife, | Superintendent of the Prison. |
| The Doctor, | Court Physician. |
| Ptolemy Jenkinson, | King's Valet. |
| Respectable Gentleman, | Master of Good Behaviour to the Royal Household. |
| Long Man, | Hall Porter at Royal Palace. |
| Musician, | Court Musician. |
| Wild Man, | Park Keeper. |
| Policeman, | Preserver of the Peace. |
With such a gallant court and brave army around him the dear old man was saved from further troubles in his State during the remainder of his long and happy reign. In fact Troy became the very happiest town in the world, and the old King's noble followers were so contented with their lot that they never again left the city of Troy.