Letters of a Japanese schoolboy ('Hashimura Togo') - 1

“Therefore I entertain him to beer-ceremony at saloon of Hon. Strunsky, Irish patriot”

Letters of
A Japanese Schoolboy

(“Hashimura Togo”)

BY
WALLACE IRWIN
Author of “The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum,” “Shame of the
Colleges,” “Nautical Lays of a Landsman,” etc.

Illustrated by Rollin Kirby

New York
Doubleday, Page & Company
1909

“Sometimes I sit and wonder in my artless Japanese way”—The Mikado

I.	Our Noble Allies	[3]
II.	The Honourable War Cloud	[11]
III.	The Yellow Peril	[19]
IV.	Lady Suffergettes and How They Do It	[26]
V.	The Financial Breakdown	[37]
VI.	Hon. Niggers, Was They Freed by Lincoln?	[46]
VII.	Hon. Simple Life Among Ambassadors	[55]
VIII.	A Third Term for Our Emperor	[63]
IX.	Hon. Modesty: Is it a Disease?	[71]
X.	Spring	[80]
XI.	Education in American Language	[90]
XII.	The Visit of the Fleet to San Francisco	[98]
XIII.	Flighty Navigation of Air	[107]
XIV.	The Conventional Meeting of Reps in Chicago	[118]
XV.	America’s Bang up Ceremony	[128]
XVI.	Can Africa Wait till March 4th?	[138]
XVII.	The Hon. Gasolene	[149]
XVIII.	America’s Base Game of Ball	[159]
XIX.	Is a Vice-Pres Nearly a King?	[169]
XX.	My Conception of the Presidency	[179]
XXI.	How American Advertisement Does It	[189]
XXII.	Olympus Games and International Cement	[196]
XXIII.	Outside Exercises for Health	[207]
XXIV.	Can Hon. North Pole be Detected?	[218]
XXV.	High Tariff on Princes	[227]
XXVI.	The Servant Problemb	[237]
XXVII.	The Feetsteps of Science	[247]
XXVIII.	The Hon. Mars	[256]
XXIX.	Standard Oiling across Party Lines	[265]
XXX.	The Hon. Bomb	[275]
XXXI.	Enjoyment of Hunger Among Poor Mans	[285]
XXXII.	The Alcoholic Temperance Movement	[295]
XXXIII.	The Saloon in Our Town	[304]
XXXIV.	Election Day	[313]
XXXV.	Fall Hats and the Ladies Inside of Them	[323]
XXXVI.	Feetball for Mollycuddles	[333]
XXXVII.	Will Hon. So. Dakota Be a Blissful Married State?	[342]
XXXVIII.	Hon. Mary Christmas	[352]
XXXIX.	The Annual New Year	[363]

CHARACTERS CAST UP BY THIS BOOK

Hashimura Togo—35-year aged Japanese Schoolboy.

Cousin Nogi—educated in horseracing & relidgeon.

Arthur Kickahajama—missionary boy.

Hon. Strunsky—Irish salooner.

Uncle Nichi—Japanese strawseed who come to America to be less so.

Mrs. Lusy Macdonald—complete angel of 286 pounds beauty.

Little Annie Anazuma—of kindergarten intelligence.

I. Anazuma—Japanese shave-proprietor.

J. Furo—who is dead.

G. W. McCann—prominent drunk.

Sydney Katsu, Jr.—who go Harvard study mollycuddling.

Miss Alice Furioki—wife to Cousin Nogi.

Miss Evelyn Suki—dear friend & more even.

Frank the Japanned Bootpolish.

S. Wanda—Japanese Socialist.

Whang So—China boy of sinful profile.

H. Sunigawa—Talented Japanese Spy.

Unknown Japanese—who call himself “Charley Smith” to get job in a bank.

Sorted persons, doctors & druggers, Bunkio Saguchi, riots, baseballers, frequent wise Professors, Hon. Niggers, delegates who walk for the unions, editors, Napoleon Bonyparte & his Brother Charley, Hon. Police & other famous Americans to include my dog O-Fido.

ILLUSTRATIONS

“Therefor I entertain him to beer-ceremony at saloon of Hon. Strunsky, Irish patriot”	[Frontispiece]
	PAGE
“‘Good morning, Mr. Emperor,’ say Hon. Ambassador”	[58]
“‘Would they fit me perhaps?’ I ask for vanity”	[72]
“‘Why all this yall about, unless of mania?’ I require to know from Hon. Police”	[82]
“When Hon. Operator seen my telegraf he say: ‘What language is them wrote in?’”	[100]
“‘But China!! such eye-pain of nations’”	[102]
“O banzai! whirr of angry rages from engine”	[110]
“Loyal Sons of some fairish land parading under banner of the Nice Old Party with placards to show how harmonious they feel”	[120]
“There I meet Motor Man who ... suffocate me with international courtesy”	[150]
“‘I have a developed chest already,’ snuggest Hon. Taft”	[208]
“They should not make groups around him with scissors to cut away souvenirs from him”	[224]
“‘I require to leave message for Cousin Charley at Washington’”	[246]
“‘O! Sweethearted Mrs. Madam, I enjoy a brainache this morning, thank you’”	[312]
“‘Do not hide your light under a bushel basket,’ are smart quotation for me”	[326]
“‘All of them persons is related to each other in some way and another—some by proxy, some by regret’”	[340]
“Obi Obi and the Willy Sparrow”	[344]

CONTENTS

CHARACTERS CAST UP BY THIS BOOK

ILLUSTRATIONS