BOWING
MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of her house, he bows and retires as the door is opened.
When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
should raise his hat on closing the door.
On a railroad a man removes his hat in a
parlor-car, but not in a day coach.
In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.
In elevators, when women are present,
the hat should be removed.
In hotel halls or corridors a man passing
a woman should raise his hat.
Men do not raise their hats to one another, save out of deference to an elderly person, a person of note, or a clergyman.
In driving, if impossible to raise the hat, he should touch it with his whip.
The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.
It is the woman's privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.
A man may bow first to a very intimate friend.
Meeting a woman to whom he has been introduced at an entertainment, he should wait until she bows first.
After bowing to a woman, the man may join her, and with her permission may walk a short distance with her.
He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time. She may excuse herself and pass on. He should not feel affronted.
If he meets a woman he does not know accompanied by a man he does know, both men bow.
The man accompanying her should bow to every man or woman to whom she bows.
WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified— a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the head.
Women bow first to men when meeting in the street. A man may bow first if the acquaintance is intimate.
When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.
Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary. It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.
A man bowing and joining a woman on the street must ask permission to do so. She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.
If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on. If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it. Such conversations should be brief.
BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.
BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.
CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple
breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and
women.
GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the
breakfast.
HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.
INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a week in advance for formal breakfasts, but for informal breakfasts they may be written. If given in honor of a special guest, the name is engraved on the card—as, TO MEET MR. WILSON.
MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are often given for men. Men wear street costume.
Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.
WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including gloves, the latter being taken off at table. Women remove their coats and wraps, but not bonnets.
Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.
BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely necessary to break an engagement made for a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as possible to the hostess, either by special delivery or messenger, giving the reason and expressing regrets.
BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman, and can, if she wishes, ask the latter personally or by note to perform the ceremony. She selects the music for the ceremony and the organist, names the wedding day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids. Of the bridesmaids, she may select one, some near friend, as the maid of honor, to act for her, as the best man does for the groom.
She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.
A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better. Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.
CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving
the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her
house, she goes to the church with her father
(or nearest male relative), and leans upon his
arm as they proceed up the aisle, following
the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet
(or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).
Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her. They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.
At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth this woman away?" or, "To be married to this man?" her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom's right hand. After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.
When the plighting of the troth comes, the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride's left hand. When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.
The kiss at the altar is no longer in good form.
At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband's right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom's carriage.
DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids provide their own outfit, unless the bride asks them to dress in a style of her own selecting. In this case, she supplies them gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may wish.
FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon given to the bridesmaids by the bride is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a woman to entertain her female friends the last time in her father's house.
On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.
GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring as an engagement ring if she wishes. She should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also present them with flowers. If she presents boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers, they should appear at her house before the ceremony and have her place them in the lapel of their coats.
She should acknowledge immediately the
receipt of all wedding gifts.
GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the
church.
INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride
usually provides the bridesmaids with extra
invitations for their personal use.
KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her
most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.
It is now no longer good form for all to do so.
SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the wedding-day till she meets him at the altar.
WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom occupy the centre one of the small tables.
At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together—the bride and groom leading the way.
It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.
WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her husband's side to receive the best wishes of all present. The guests are not announced, but are introduced by the ushers to the bride if not known to her.
The bride should not leave her place to mingle with the guests until all have been introduced to her.
BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.
BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.
BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.
BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.
BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the bride, and number six, eight, or twelve— mostly eight. She usually gives them a dinner a few days before the wedding, at which she shows them the trousseau and discusses the details of the wedding.
The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place. The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a substitute may be secured.
CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride within a week or ten days after the ceremony, and upon the bride, in her own home, after her return from her wedding trip.
CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family
of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the
wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's
house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the
church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to
the wedding breakfast or reception.
CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride,
and there take their carriages to the church.
While their carriages follow that of the bride,
they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.
They may carry bouquets supplied by
the bride's family or the groom.
In the procession up the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide—one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for the bridal party to pass.
In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honor to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride's home to assist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.
DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception dancing is sometimes indulged in.
DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids usually give a dinner to the married couple on the latter's return from their wedding trip.
DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the bride in the matter of dress. Should she desire any particular style of dress, entailing considerable expense, on account of novelty or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit, which it is permissible for them to accept.
If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.
GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding gift to the bride.
They usually receive a pretty souvenir from the bride and a bouquet from the groom.
INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several invitations are usually given to the bridesmaids for their own personal use.
REHEARSALS. They should be present at all rehearsals.
WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the
ushers, and are usually seated at a table by
themselves.
WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the
married couple, and are introduced to the
guests.
BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister's debut takes the form of a supper or dinner, should take his sister (the debutante) into dinner or supper.
BUTLER—TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a house-party where he has been a guest to tip the butler who acted as a valet.
CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of State.
CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
and then eaten with fingers or fork.
CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should
only be made on the specified days.
ASKING MEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. A debutante
should leave this matter to her mother
or chaperone.
A young woman, until she has had some experience in society, should be very careful in inviting men to call.
She should not invite a man to call whom she has met for the first time. No man should be invited to call until she is assured of his social standing and character.
In some parts of the country men first ask permission to call, and in other parts women first ask men to call.
ASKING WOMEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. It is generally the custom for the married or elder woman to ask the unmarried or younger woman to call.
BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS
—CALLS.
BREAKFAST. See BREAKFASTS—CALLS.
BEST MAN. See BEST MAN—CALLS
BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS—CALLS.
CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES—MEN CALLING.
BUSINESS. A business man may call in street
dress upon a woman before six o'clock.
Social visits may be made in the same
manner.
DAYS AT HOME. Calls should only be made on the regular "At Home" days, and the hostess should always be present on that day. Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.
DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE—CALLS.
DRESS. When making an afternoon call, a man would wear afternoon dress, and evening dress in making an evening call.
HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA—CALLS.
HOURS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours from two till five in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
LENGTH. A formal call may last from fifteen to thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer.
LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEON—CALLS.
MEN. AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS. After an entertainment a man should call in person on host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed, it should be accompanied with an apology.
To call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.
When calling on the hostess but not on the host, a man should leave a card for him. If the hostess be out, he should leave two cards.
Married men can return their social obligations
to women by personal calls, or the
women of the family can leave the men's
cards with their own.
A call should be made the day following a luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a dinner, or at least within a week. A call should be made within a week after a ball.
After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted, or leave his card, and should call within a week on the remainder of his guests.
MEN CALLING ON MEN. At the beginning of the season it is usual to leave a card for each member of a family called on—one card for husband, wife, "misses," and guest, or rest of the family. Sometimes two cards answer the purpose.
They may be sent by mail or messenger.
MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. A man should call only on "At Home" days, especially when making the first call, unless specially invited. He should call at the hour appointed.
When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours —from two till five o'clock.
Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
A business man may call in street dress before six o'clock, and the same dress in the evening, if intimately acquainted.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.
Evening or other than mere formal calls should not be made, save by special invitation.
The first call should last not longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is correct to ask for all the women of the family.
At the first call he should give his card at the door. At following calls it is optional whether to give a card or merely the name, asking at the same time for the person one desires to see. When the servant's intelligence seems doubtful, or the name is an unusual one, it is safer to give a card.
When a woman invites a man to call without specifying when, it is not considered as an invitation at all, but merely as a formal courtesy.
It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or otherwise an invitation to call from a woman. It is her privilege to make the first move in such matters; otherwise she would be placed in an embarrassing position.
When an invitation specifies the hour, every effort should be made to be punctual. It is impolite to be too early or too late.
At a formal call, when others are present, a man should not be seated unless invited to do so. He should leave as others come in, and not remain longer than ten or fifteen minutes.
A man having a card or letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If she is out, he should mail it to her, and she should at once notify him whether he may call.
If a caller is a stranger to the young woman's hostess, he should send his card to the latter and ask to see her.
The chaperone may, if desirable, give a man permission to call upon the woman under her charge.
A man should not call upon an unmarried woman until invited by her to do so. He may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.
GLOVES. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.
ENTERTAINMENTS. At entertainments a man should give his card to the servant at the door or leave it in the hall.
A few appropriate words of greeting should be addressed to the hostess and host as soon after entering as possible.
Personal introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, "At Homes," etc. One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.
When light repasts are served, as teas, ices, etc, a man should put his napkin on his knee and hold the plate in his hand.
He should depart with as little ceremony as possible—a bow and a smile, if host and hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He should not shake hands and try to speak unless it can be done without becoming conspicuous.
MEN CALLING ON WOMEN—HAT. A man making
a formal or brief call should carry his
hat in his hand into the parlor.
SHAKING HANDS. A man should not offer to
shake hands first, as that is the privilege of
the women.
MEN—DRESS. In making ceremonious calls, men
wear afternoon dress, and after six o'clock
evening dress.
See also AFTERNOON DRESS—MEN. EVENING
DRESS—MEN.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS—CALLS.
THEATRE. See THEATRE—CALLS.
USHERS. See USHERS—CALLS.
WEDDING INVITATIONS. Very intimate friends can call personally. Friends of the groom who have no acquaintance with the bride's family should send their cards to those inviting them.
Those who do not receive wedding invitations, announcement, or "At Home" cards should not call on the married couple, but consider themselves as dropped from their circle of acquaintance.
WOMEN RECEIVING AND INVITING MEN. The invitation to call should be extended by the woman, and if she does not specify the time, will naturally be considered as an act of courtesy, but not as an invitation.
These invitations should be given with great care by young women. It is better to have the invitation extended by her mother or chaperone.
A married woman may ask a man to call, especially if she have unmarried daughters. An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to specify. A man may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.
At the beginning of a season, a man who desires the further acquaintance of a woman should leave his card in person for all the members of the family.
A formal call, or the first call of the season, should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire for all the women of the family.
A man should call only on "At Home" days, unless especially invited to come at other times. The hostess should be home on all "At Home" days, unless sickness or other good cause prevents.
In the absence of "At Home" days, or specified time, calls may be received at any proper hour, according to the locality of the place.
When men make a formal call at other than specified time, the hostess may justly excuse herself. The caller would have no ground for offense.
Intimate friends need not hold to formal
hours for paying calls.
Men of leisure should call only at fashionable
hours—from two to five in the afternoon.
Evening calls should not be made by other
than business or professional men, unless the
acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless
they are specially invited.
Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.
A business man may call in street dress before six o'clock in the evening, or thereafter if intimacy warrants.
Evening, or other than mere formal calls, should not be made, save by special invitation.
A man should leave his card when calling. If his hostess is married, he should leave one also for the host. If she is out, he should leave two.
When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known to the man, he should send his card to her.
If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option to shake hands or not, and she should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.
During a formal call, when other guests are present, a man should remain standing and depart upon the entrance of others. If the hostess is seated at the time, she need not rise or shake hands, but merely bow.
The hostess should not accompany a caller to the door of the parlor, but bow from her chair.
Dropping in at a theatre or opera party does not relieve a man from making formal calls that may be due.
A woman's escort to a theatre party should call upon her within a week. If she were his guest, he should do so within three days, or send his card, with an apology.
Business calls are privileged, and can be made when convenient, although preferably by appointment.
WOMEN RECEIVING—INTRODUCTIONS. At formal calls conversation should be general among the guests. Introductions are unnecessary.
AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON CALLS.
COUNTRY. See COUNTRY CALLS.
EVENING. See EVENING CALLS.
FIRST. See FIRST CALLS.
INVALID'S. See INVALID'S CALLS.
SUNDAY. See SUNDAY CALLS.
CANCELING DINNERS. When it becomes necessary for a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she should send as soon as possible, either by special delivery or messenger, a letter to each guest who has accepted the invitation. The letter, written either in the first or third person, should state the reason and express regrets.
CANCELING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS-INVITATIONS
RECALLED.
CANES. A cane is the correct thing for a man when walking, except when engaged in business. It should be held a few inches below the knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas, be carried vertically.
CALLING. When making a formal or brief call the cane should be left in the hall.
CARDINAL-HOW ADDRESSED. A letter, official or social, begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant. The address on the envelope is: His Eminence Cardinal Wilson.