§ 207
Trial marriage is little more than a method of testing man’s control in the erotic sphere. It implies that if a man is found lacking in control over one woman, he may be tried with another, in the hope that with the second up to the nth he may find a woman whom he can control. But as stated elsewhere in this book the probability of an uncontrolled man’s acquiring control by a superficial trial and error method is almost nil.
Science has not a word to say against permanent marriage if the pair are really compatible. What constitutes compatibility, however, is much more a mental attitude on the part of the husband. A man that thinks he has to have a special, peculiar type of woman for a wife, or because of a bringing up in an excessively romantic family thinks there is only one woman in the world, specially born for him, who alone can make him happy in marriage, or who thinks he has found her when he has fallen in love at first sight, assumes no responsibility for his own happiness, but fatalistically waits for destiny to provide him with a suitable spouse.
“Spouse” is derived from Latin spondeo which is at the root of the word response, and means “to promise solemnly.” This refers to what the person confidently expects to get, not himself contribute to the union. But it has been clear to the seers of all ages that giving is the only true getting.
On the basis of giving, almost any woman can be made a wife, but never in the sense of spouse if it has its ancient meaning of a person bound to give something.
If a young man is given the proper training in the right way, which shows him that the most intensely physical contacts are emotionally worthless without the spiritual factor in the truly erotic, and that the intimacies of marital life are far more determined by hypersomatic (spiritual) facts than by physical ones, that he has the privilege of making his married life as romantic as he wishes or can leave it quite prosaic and dull; if he knows this, even a provisional marriage entered into with a woman not positively distasteful to him can be made a triumphant success.
The proviso, however, will be made by most people that there must be an original rapport between the two. It is the unequivocal position of this book, on the contrary, that the rapport, even if it never existed, can be created by the husband, by means of his own conscious creative power.