§ 59
Instinct has taught the woman to expect strength, physical or spiritual, or both, of the man. Let it not be forgotten that mental and spiritual strength is a perfect substitute for physical strength. It does not mean that intellectual ability is the equivalent of spiritual strength as the former may be coexistent with an emotional undevelopment which is the same as spiritual weakness. A man may, even a child may, be an intellectual prodigy as a chess player or mathematician without implying any emotional development in the direction of normal erotism.
In this the sexes are different, for woman’s instinct here guides her rightly. Biologically she is unconsciously forced, against her will, and quite without her knowing it to test her man continuously for some kind of strength. For some women indeed physical strength is all-satisfactory but in the majority of cases of civilized woman physical strength, without an accompanying spiritual strength, which will insure the necessary erotic control of her by her husband, will always leave her disappointed and discontented.
The qualities instinctively called for in the woman by the man are the opposite in some respects. He unconsciously, if not consciously, expects sweetness, docility, compliance, adoration in his wife, all qualities that are a necessary background and basis for his childish and autoerotic enjoyments. It is almost unheard of to find a man who takes pleasure in the negativism which characterizes the child and also many women, and in the opposition which alone, when deftly overcome, constitutes the only proof that he is or has been purely masculine and creative in his positive activities in effecting a change in that part of his environment.
It may be objected that this demand for compliance, softness and accessibility in woman may not be purely instinctive; but, if it is not, it is of such early origin as to be undistinguishable from true instinct. It is the common experience of every infant to be treated with the utmost tenderness by its mother.