CATCHES AND QUIBBLES.
For a wager, two men ate nuts: the one ate ninety-nine, the other a hundred and won [one], how many did the winner eat more than the loser?—One.
A specimen of that noble animal, the horse, having been paraded before a company enthusiastic upon its faultlessness, modestly but firmly insist upon it, that—without pretending to any great veterinary knowledge—you can see with a quarter of an eye that the gorgeous steed has “the lifts.” The name of this mysterious complaint being somewhat analogous to that of the “heaves,” a torrent of indignation will doubtlessly burst upon you. On being forced to give an explanation, you can, with the fearlessness of truth, explain that if the creature did not have “the lifts,” could it move its feet off the ground.
How to Push a Lady’s Head through a Wedding Ring.—Run your finger through the ring and touch the lady’s head with the tip.
How many Bank of England notes will weigh down a sovereign? Only seven will more than equal the coin in weight.
How to Make a Lady Stick out Her Little Finger.—The best way of securing this effect is to put on the finger a diamond ring. The mere desire to display the diamond to the best advantage is sure to make the lady stick out her little finger in the most charming manner possible. When the effect begins to fail, substitute another ring of greater brilliancy.
Addendum.—A ring at the door-bell has been known to make a lady stick her head out of the window.—Hanky Panky.
One of the company having related a story which lauds his moral excellence, observe that, spite of his pretentions, you know what will hang him! At the end of his indignation—answer, a rope!
Squaring Accounts.—A day or two since an inveterate joker met his friend, Hanky Panky, Esq., in the street, whom he knows to be a great dog fancier. With a twinkle in his eye and an inquiring look in his countenance he anxiously asked him if he had seen the new breed of imported dogs, the “Sooner.” Professor Panky replied that he had not, and wished to know the peculiarity of the breed.
“They’d sooner stay in the house than go out of doors,” was the reply, as the joker cautiously moved away, shaking his sides and winking.
The prestidigitateur determined to be even, and the next time he met the joker he seriously remarked:
“You’ve been to Smith de Brown’s, haven’t you?”
“No, why?”
“I thought you knew he had got back his tray of diamonds.”
“No, is that so? How did he get it?”
“He took it with the four ‘spot.’”
The playful youth suddenly remembered a very pressing engagement and hurried away, remarking, “I—I—I’ll see you again, Doctor Hanky, I—I—I don’t quite understand.”
A lady occupying a room, letter B, at an hotel, wrote on the slate as follows: “Wake letter B at seven; and if letter B says ‘let her be,’ don’t let her be, nor let letter B be, because if you let letter B be letter B will be unable to let her house to Mr. B., who is to call at half-past ten.” The porter—a much better bootblack than orthographist—after studying the above all night, did not know whether to wake letter B or let her be.
A young man asked a young lady how old she was, and replied “6 times 7 and 7 times 3 added to my age will exceed 6 times 9 and 4, as double my age exceeds 20.” The young man thought she looked much older.
What is the difference between twice twenty-eight and twice eight and twenty?—Twenty; because twice twenty-eight are fifty-six, and twice eight and twenty are thirty-six.
One of 10 loves what 1028.