EPIGRAM.
When first the Devil came in Milton’s view
A swindging Tail[24] upon his rump there grew:
But when in Pandæmomium he appears
How alter’d is his form! no tail he wears.
Such difference in that Personage is seen
As Milton by himself perceived, between
His full-grown Epic and his stripling Ode—
His tadpole Devil had become a Toad.
——th’ old Dragon—
——wroth to see his kingdom fail,
Swindges the scaly horror of his folded tail.
Ode on the Nativity.
AN
EXPOSTULATORY SUPPLICATION TO DEATH,
AFTER THE DECEASE OF DR. BURNEY.
Thou Trojan Death! thou worse than Trojan foe
To English Greeks, the best of Greeks we know!
In three we boasted; three we had of late,
Rare Burney, matchless Porson, and the great
ΤΟΝ ΔΕΙΝΑ, props and pillars of our state;
Two thou hast ravish’d from us; and the land
Watches in anxious fear thy threat’ning hand.
Two thou hast ravish’d, but we can’t resign a
ΤΟΝ ΔΕΙΝΑ yet awhile,—O spare ΤΟΝ ΔΕΙΝΑ.
ON
THE DECEASE OF HORNE TOOKE.
Horne Tooke is gone—rejoice and sing,
Ye Placemen, and ye Tools of a King!
He is gone!—then be his faults forgiven,
And let us hope he’s gone to Heaven.
That is a prayer you ought to make
If not for love, for interest’ sake;
For should he go to t’other place,
Think how he’ll plague your hireling race.
INSCRIPTION
FOR THE GRANITE SARCOPHAGUS BROUGHT FROM ALEXANDRIA TO THE BRITISH MUSEUM.
This was the tomb of Alexander,
The Macedonian great Commander,
Who dealt about his killing blows
Alike among his friends and foes:
Who went on plundering, burning, stabbing,
Carouzing, catamiting, drabbing,
Kept a Castrato[25] for his punk,
And died[26] heroically drunk:
And if at last he went to hell,
I warrant he deserved it well;
Whate’er is said by flatt’ring Mitford,
Who thinks he is gone to heav’n, and fit for ’t.
[25] Q. Curt. b. x. c. 3. &c.
[26] Athenæus, b. 10. c. 9. p. 434. Αλεξανδρος λαβων (το ποτηριον) εσπασε μεν γενναιως,——εκ τουτου νοσησας απεθανε. Alexander took the cup, and pulled nobly at it.
Mem. It held near a gallon, and he had emptied it once already.
INSCRIPTION
FOR A STATUE OF FIELD-MARSHAL SUWOROW.
This was a Warrior of renown,
A Hero bred, and born to kill;
Who scrupled not to shed his own[27],
When he lack’d other blood to spill.
And often would he turn his arms
On those within his bosom bred,
And quell by fire the mighty swarms[28]
That with his life-blood he had fed.
His person, cover’d o’er with glory,
In truth was little clean or nice;
And ’tis a question in his story,
Whether he kill’d more men[29] or lice.
[27] It is related of him, that in his march to the attack of Oczakow, he proceeded with such rapidity at the head of his men, that they began to murmur at the fatigues which they endured. The marshal, apprised of the circumstance, after a long day’s march, drew up his men in a hollow square, and addressing them said, that “his legs had that day discovered some symptoms of mutiny, as they refused to second the impulses of his mind, which urged him forward to the attack of the enemy’s fortress.” He then ordered his boots to be taken off, and some of the drummers to advance and flog his legs, which was done till they bled very considerably. He then put on his boots very coolly, expressing his hope that his legs would in future better know how to discharge their duty. His army afterwards marched on without a murmur.
[28] Suworow affectoit beaucoup de simplicité et de rudesse. On le voyoit quelquefois ôter sa chemise au milieu des Cosaques, et la fain chauffer, en disant que c’étoit pour tuer ses poux. Vie de Catherine II. tome ii. p. 373.
[29] The number of men slaughtered by this hero was at the rate of more than thirty a week, reckoning from the day of his birth to the age of 69 years, according to the account given in the history of his campaigns, by Frederic Anthing.
ON FIELD-MARSHAL SUWOROW.
A DIALOGUE.
A. This Hero, though delighting much in blood,
Was yet a tender-hearted creature.—B. Good.
A. Without remorse he slaughter’d Turk and Pole,
But still his nerves were very weak.—B. Poor soul!
A. And he became a prey to grief, for why,
His master frown’d upon him.—B. O fie! fie!
A. Unkindness did his gentle heartstrings crack,
And so the Hero came to an end.—B. Good lack!
A. That one so valiant and so meek, is’t fit he
Should go at last to the devil?—B. What a pity!
ON
F. W. THE KING OF PRUSSIA’S INEFFECTUAL ATTEMPT ON WARSAW.
When Frederic, when the Usurper turn’d
With baffled arms and insolence abash’d,
From fearless Warsaw’s radiant walls,
(For, crested with the Sons of Liberty,
Then stood they fearless and secure,)
No less than was that mount in Israel once,
Where Angels rode in fiery guard
Around the Prophet[30]. Ever such defence
Be made for freedom, and usurpers
Abated and confounded in their pride,
As Frederic now! He, when he turn’d,
Thus gave mad utterance to his spleeny mood:—
This royal merchandise of war
That wont to bring towns, cities, provinces,
To kings for profit, is become
A losing trade, or only serves to enrich
My shrewder neighbours, they who fight
In quarrels not their own, and wisely sell
The lives, unprofitable else,
Of their obedient multitude: but I,
Cursed be the hour I did so, I
Who had the wealthiest of the world my dupe,
England, to pay me lavish hire
For service ne’er perform’d, must needs, O fool!
To this most perilous venture run
On mine own credit: therefore am I made
A very bankrupt; all my hopes
Of victory, dominion, fortune, fame,
All ruin’d, and my royal word,
My promises and threats alike held vile
As the vain Brunswick’s menaces,
Horrible once, now laugh’d at and despised.
For who now fears me, or believes?—
But let me from this ruinous assault,
With what is left me, safe retire,
And I will yet regain the credulous ear
Of Her, whose unexhausted wealth
Exceeds all measure but her easy faith,
Good England:——O that I were now
In England, with my royal Brother there,
Giving a false alarm in jest
To Weymouth town, and Buckinghamshire Captains[31].
[30] “And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an Host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? And he answered, fear not; for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw: and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.”—2 Kings, ch. vi. v. 15, &c.
[31] About the commencement of the war in 1793, the late king used to visit Weymouth for some weeks of the summer, when the Buckinghamshire militia attended his majesty as a guard of honour. It was during one of these visits that this military occurrence is reported to have taken place.
POLITICAL ADVICE
TO THE MEMBERS OF THE FRENCH CONVENTION.
A DIALOGUE.
“Messieurs of the Convention, Gentlemen!
“Hav’n’t ye rebell’d against your sovereign?”—“Stuff.”
“Deposed him?”—“Nonsense.” “Murder’d him?”—“What then?”
“Usurp’d his place and kingdom?”—“Like enough!”
“Hav’n’t ye bullied Princes far and near,
“Encroach’d upon your neighbours, ’gainst all Law?
“Without Religion, Honour, Faith, or Fear,
“Sworn and forsworn yourselves?”—“O, ça ira.”
“Nay, Gentlemen, I speak not to upbraid:
“Rather, I’d say, you seem to need a spur:
“Hav’n’t ye still some object of your dread,
“Some innocent young Prince, your prisoner?
“Poison him—stab him—put him out o’ th’ way—
“Is that so monstrous?—Nay, you have a pattern:
“Do as I bid you, then stand up, and say,
“We are now upon a par with Royal Kattern.”