Hard Fare.
ACCOUNT OF A STONE-EATER.
By Father Paulian.
The beginning of May, 1760, was brought to Avignon, a true lithophagus or stone-eater. He not only swallowed flints of an inch and a half long, a full inch broad, and half an inch thick; but such stones as he could reduce to powder, such as marble, pebbles, &c. he made up into paste, which was to him a most agreeable and wholesome food. I examined this man with all the attention I possibly could; I found his gullet very large, his teeth exceedingly strong, his saliva very corrosive, and his stomach lower than ordinary, which I imputed to the vast number of flints he had swallowed, being about five and twenty, one day with another.
Upon interrogating his keeper, he told me the following particulars. “This stone-eater,” says he, “was found three years ago in a northern inhabited island, by some of the crew of a Dutch ship, on Good Friday. Since I have had him, I make him eat raw flesh with his stones; I could never get him to swallow bread. He will drink water, wine, and brandy; which last liquor gives him infinite pleasure. He sleeps at least twelve hours in a day, sitting on the ground with one knee over the other, and his chin resting on his right knee. He smokes almost all the time he is not asleep, or is not eating.” The keeper also tells me, that some physicians at Paris got him blooded; that the blood had little or no serum, and in two hours’ time became as fragile as coral.
This stone-eater hitherto is unable to pronounce more than a few words, Oui, non, caillou, bon. I showed him a fly through a microscope: he was astonished at the size of the animal, and could not be induced to examine it. He has been taught to make the sign of the cross, and was baptized some months ago in the church of St. Côme, at Paris. The respect he shows to ecclesiastics, and his ready disposition to please them, afforded me the opportunity of satisfying myself as to all these particulars; and I am fully convinced that he is no cheat.[86]
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A STONE EATER.
A Fragment.
I was born by the side of a rocky cave in the Peak of Derbyshire; before I was born, my mother dreamed I should be an ostrich. I very early showed a disposition to my present diet; instead of eating the pap offered to me, I swallowed the spoon, which was of hard stone ware, made in that country, and had the handle broken off. My coral served me in the double capacity of a plaything and a sweetmeat; and as soon as I had my teeth, I nibbled at every pan and mug that came within my reach, in such a manner, that there was scarcely a whole piece of earthenware to be found in the house. I constantly swallowed the flints out of the tinder-box, and so deranged the economy of the family, that my mother forced me to seek subsistence out of the house.
Hunger, they say, will break stone walls: this I experienced; for the stone fences lay very temptingly in my way, and I made many a comfortable breakfast on them. On one occasion, a farmer who had lost some of his flock the night before, finding me early one morning breaking his fences, would hardly be persuaded that I had no design upon his mutton—I only meant to regale myself upon his wall.
When I went to school, I was a great favourite with the boys; for whenever there was damson tart or cherry pie, I was well content to eat all the stones, and leave them the fruit. I took the shell, and gave my companions the oyster, and whoever will do so, I will venture to say, will be well received through life. I must confess, however, that I made great havock among the marbles, of which I swallowed as many as the other boys did of sugar-plums. I have many a time given a stick of barley-sugar for a delicious white alley; and it used to be the diversion of the bigger boys to shake me, and hear them rattle in my stomach. While I was there, I devoured the greatest part of a stone chimney-piece, which had been in the school time out of mind, and borne the memorials of many generations of scholars, all of which were more swept away by my teeth, than those of time. I fell, also, upon a collection of spars and pebbles, which my master’s daughter had got together to make a grotto. For both these exploits I was severely flogged. I continued, however, my usual diet, except that for a change I sometimes ate Norfolk dumplins, which I found agree with me very well. I have now continued this diet for thirty years, and do affirm it to be the most cheap, wholesome, natural, and delicious of all food.
I suspect the Antediluvians were Lithophagi: this, at least, we are certain of, that Saturn, who lived in the golden age, was a stone-eater! We cannot but observe, that those people who live in fat rich soils are gross and heavy; whereas those who inhabit rocky and barren countries, where there is plenty of nothing but stones, are healthy, sprightly, and vigorous. For my own part, I do not know that ever I was ill in my life, except that once being over persuaded to venture on some Suffolk cheese, it gave me a slight indigestion.
I am ready to eat flints, pebbles, marbles, freestone, granite, or any other stones the curious may choose, with a good appetite and without any deception. I am promised by a friend, a shirt and coarse frock of the famous Asbestos, that my food and clothing may be suitable to each other.
FRANCIS BATTALIA.
In 1641, Hollar etched a print of Francis Battalia, an Italian, who is said to have eaten half a peck of stones a day. Respecting this individual, Dr. Bulwer, in his “Artificial Changeling,” says he saw the man, that he was at that time about thirty years of age; and that “he was born with two stones in one hand, and one in the other, which the child took for his first nourishment, upon the physician’s advice; and afterwards nothing else but three or four pebbles in a spoon, once in twenty-four hours.” After his stone-meals, he was accustomed to take a draught of beer: “and in the interim, now and then, a pipe of tobacco; for he had been a soldier in Ireland, at the siege of Limerick; and upon his return to London was confined for some time upon suspicion of imposture.”
[86] Gentleman’s Magazine.
Garrick Plays.
No. IX.
[From the “Two Angry Women of Abingdon,” a Comedy, by Henry Porter, 1599.]
Proverb-monger.
This formal fool, your man, speaks nought but Proverbs;
And, speak men what they can to him, he’ll answer
With some rhyme-rotten sentence, or old saying,
Such spokes as th’ Ancient of the Parish use
With “Neighbour, it’s an old Proverb and a true,
Goose giblets are good meat, old sack better than new:”
Then says another, “Neighbour, that is true.”
And when each man hath drunk his gallon round,
(A penny pot, for that’s the old man’s gallon).
Then doth he lick his lips, and stroke his beard,
That’s glued together with the slavering drops
Of yesty ale; and when he scarce can trim
His gouty fingers, thus he’ll fillip it,
And with a rotten hem say, “Hey my hearts,”
“Merry go sorry,” “Cock and Pye, my hearts;”
And then their saving-penny-proverb comes,
And that is this, “They that will to the wine,
By’r Lady, mistress, shall lay their penny to mine.”
This was one of this penny-father’s bastards;
For on my life he was never begot
Without the consent of some great Proverb-monger.
She Wit.
Why, she will flout the devil, and make blush
The boldest face of man that ever man saw.
He that hath best opinion of his wit,
And hath his brain-pan fraught with bitter jests
(Or of his own, or stol’n, or howsoever),
Let him stand ne’er so high in’s own conceit,
Her wit’s a sun that melts him down like butter,
And makes him sit at table pancake-wise,
Flat, flat, and ne’er a word to say;
Yet she’ll not leave him then, but like a tyrant
She’ll persecute the poor wit-beaten man,
And so be-bang him with dry bobs and scoffs,
When he is down (most cowardly, good faith!)
As I have pitied the poor patient.
There came a Farmer’s Son a wooing to her,
A proper man, well-landed too he was,
A man that for his wit need not to ask
What time a year ’twere need to sow his oats,
Nor yet his barley, no, nor when to reap,
To plow his fallows, or to fell his trees,
Well experienced thus each kind of way;
After a two months’ labour at the most,
(And yet ’twas well he held it out so long),
He left his Love; she had so laced his lips,
He could say nothing to her but “God be with ye.”
Why, she, when men have dined, and call’d for cheese
Will strait maintain jests bitter to digest;
And then some one will fall to argument,
Who if he over-master her with reason,
Then she’ll begin to buffet him with mocks.
Master Goursey proposes to his Son a Wife.
Frank Goursey. Ne’er trust me, father, the shape of marriage.
Which I do see in others, seems so severe,
I dare not put my youngling liberty
Under the awe of that instruction;
And yet I grant, the limits of free youth
Going astray are often restrain’d by that.
But Mistress Wedlock, to my summer thoughts,
Will be too curst, I fear: O should she snip
My pleasure-aiming mind, I shall be sad;
And swear, when I did marry, I was mad.
Old Goursey. But, boy, let my experience teach thee this;
(Yet in good faith thou speak’st not much amiss);
When first thy mother’s fame to me did come,
Thy grandsire thus then came to me his son,
And ev’n my words to thee to me he said;
And, as thou say’st to me, to him I said,
But in a greater huff and hotter blood:
I tell ye, on youth’s tiptoes then I stood.
Says he (good faith, this was his very say),
When I was young, I was but Reason’s fool;
And went to wedding, as to Wisdom’s school:
It taught me much, and much I did forget;
But, beaten much by it, I got some wit:
Though I was shackled from an often-scout,
Yet I would wanton it, when I was out;
’Twas comfort old acquaintance then to meet,
Restrained liberty attain’d is sweet.
Thus said my father to thy father, son;
And thou may’st do this too, as I have done.
Wandering in the dark all night.
O when will this same Year of Night have end?
Long-look’d for Day’s Sun, when wilt thou ascend?
Let not this thief-friend misty veil of night
Encroach on day, and shadow thy fair light;
Whilst thou comest tardy from thy Thetis’ bed,
Blushing forth golden-hair and glorious red.
O stay not long, bright lanthern of the day,
To light my mist-way feet to my right way.
The pleasant Comedy, from which these Extracts are taken, is contemporary with some of the earliest of Shakspeare’s, and is no whit inferior to either the Comedy of Errors, or the Taming of the Shrew, for instance. It is full of business, humour, and merry malice. Its night-scenes are peculiarly sprightly and wakeful. The versification unencumbered, and rich with compound epithets. Why do we go on with ever new Editions of Ford, and Massinger, and the thrice reprinted Selections of Dodsley? what we want is as many volumes more, as these latter consist of, filled with plays (such as this), of which we know comparatively nothing. Not a third part of the Treasures of old English Dramatic literature has been exhausted. Are we afraid that the genius of Shakspeare would suffer in our estimate by the disclosure? He would indeed be somewhat lessened as a miracle and a prodigy. But he would lose no height by the confession. When a Giant is shown to us, does it detract from the curiosity to be told that he has at home a gigantic brood of brethren, less only than himself? Along with him, not from him, sprang up the race of mighty Dramatists who, compared with the Otways and Rowes that followed, were as Miltons to a Young or an Akenside. That he was their elder Brother, not their Parent, is evident from the fact of the very few direct imitations of him to be found in their writings. Webster, Decker, Heywood, and the rest of his great contemporaries went on their own ways, and followed their individual impulses, not blindly prescribing to themselves his tract. Marlowe, the true (though imperfect) Father of our tragedy, preceded him. The comedy of Fletcher is essentially unlike to that of his. ’Tis out of no detracting spirit that I speak thus, for the Plays of Shakspeare have been the strongest and the sweetest food of my mind from infancy; but I resent the comparative obscurity in which some of his most valuable co-operators remain, who were his dear intimates, his stage and his chamber-fellows while he lived, and to whom his gentle spirit doubtlessly then awarded the full portion of their genius, as from them toward himself appears to have been no grudging of his acknowledged excellence.
C. L.