PICKPOCKETS.
The old robbers, in the “good old times,” when purses were carried in the hand or borne at the side, cut them away, and carried them off with the contents, and hence they were called “cut-purses.” In the scarce “History of Highwaymen,” by Smith, there is a story of a ludicrous private robbery, from “the person” of a man, mistakenly committed by one of these cut-purses. One of Shakspeare’s rogues, Autolycus, says, that “to have an open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is necessary for a cut-purse.” Of course, “pickpockets” are of modern origin; they “came up” with the wearing of pockets.
Garrick Plays
No. XXXI.
[From the “Triumphant Widow,” a Comedy, by the Duke of Newcastle, 1677.]
Humours of a Thief going to Execution.
Officers. Room for the prisoner there, room for the prisoner.
Footpad. Make room there; ’tis a strange thing a man cannot go to be hanged without crowding for it.
1st Fellow. Pray, Sir, were not you a kin to one Hinde?[322]
Footpad. No; I had run faster away then.
2d Fellow. Pray, prisoner, before your death clear your conscience, and tell me truly, &c.
(all ask him questions about robberies.)
Margery. I am sure you had my Lady’s gilt caudle cup.
Footpad. Yes, and would have kept it; but she has it again, has she not?
James. And the plate out of my buttery—
Footpad. Well, and had she not it again? what a plague would you have? you examine me, as if you would hang me, after I am hanged. Pray, officers, rid me of these impertinent people, and let me die in quiet.
1st Woman. O lord! how angry he is! that shews he is a right reprobate, I warrant you.
Footpad. I believe, if all of you were to be hanged, [II-233,
II-234] which I hope may be in good time, you would not be very merry.
2d Woman. Lord, what a down look he has!
1st Woman. Aye, and what a cloud in his forehead, goody Twattle, mark that—
2d Woman. Aye, and such frowning wrinkles, I warrant you, not so much as a smile from him.
Footpad. Smile, quoth she! Tho’ tis sport for you, ’tis none for me, I assure you.
1st Woman. Aye, but ’tis so long before you are hanged.
Footpad. I wish it longer, good woman.
1st Fellow. Prithee, Mr. Thief, let this be a warning to you for ever doing the like again.
Footpad. I promise you it shall.
2d Woman. That’s well; thank you with all my heart, la! that was spoken like a precious godly man now.
1st Woman. By my truly, methinks now he is a very proper man, as one shall see in a summer’s day.
Footpad. Aye, so are all that are hanged; the gallows adds a great deal of grace to one’s person.
2d Woman. I vow he is a lovely man; ’tis pity he should be taken away, as they say, in the flower of his age.
1st Officer. Come, dispatch, dispatch; what a plague shall we stay all day, and neglect our business, to hang one thief?
2d Officer. Pray, be hanged quickly, Sir; for I am to go to a Fair hard by.
1st Officer. And I am to meet some friends to drink out a stand of ale by and by.
1st Woman. Nay, pray let him speak, and die like a Christian.
2d Woman. O, I have heard brave speeches at this place before.
Footpad. Well, good people—if I may be bold to call you so—this Pulpit was not of my chusing. I shall shortly preach mortality to you without speaking, therefore pray take example by me, and then I know what will become of ye. I will be, I say, your memento mori, hoping you will all follow me.
1st Fellow. O he speaks rarely.
2d Fellow. Aye, does Latin it.
Footpad. I have been too covetous, and at last taken for it, and am very sorry for it. I have been a great sinner, and condemned for it, which grieves me not a little, that I made not my escape, and so I heartily repent it, and so I die with this true confession.
1st Woman (weeping). Mercy on him, for a better man was never hanged.
2d Woman. So true and hearty repentance, and so pious.
2d Fellow. Help him up higher on the ladder. Now you are above us all.
Footpad. Truly I desire you were all equal with me; I have no pride in this world.
1st Fellow. Will you not sing, Sir, before you are hanged?
Footpad. No, I thank you; I am not so merrily disposed.
Hangman. Come, are you ready?
Footpad. Yes, I have been preparing for you these many years.
1st Woman. Mercy on him, and save his better part.
2d Woman. You see what we must all come to.
(horn blows a reprieve.)
Officer. A reprieve! how came that?
Post. My Lady Haughty procured it.
Footpad. I will always say, while I live, that her Ladyship is a civil person.
1st Fellow. Pish, what must he not be hanged now?
2d Fellow. What, did we come all this way for this?
1st Woman. Take all this pains to see nothing?
Footpad. Very pious good people, I shall shew you no sport this day.
[From “Mamamouchi,” a Comedy, by Edward Ravenscroft, 1675.]
Foolish Lender.
Debtor. As to my affairs, you know I stand indebted to you.
Creditor. A few dribbling sums, Sir.
Debt. You lent ’em me very frankly, and with a great deal of generosity, and much like a gentleman.
Cred. You are pleased to say so.
Debt. But I know how to receive kindnesses, and to make returns according to the merits of the person that obliges me.
Cred. No man better.
Debt. Therefore pray let’s see how our accounts stand.
Cred. They are down here in my table book.
Debt. I am a man that love to acquit myself of all obligations as soon——
Cred. See the memorandum.
Debt. You have set it all down.
Cred. All.
Debt. Pray read—
Cred. Lent, the second time I saw you, one hundred guineas.
Debt. Right.
Cred. Another time fifty.
Debt. Yes.
Cred. Lent for a certain occasion, which I did not tell you, one hundred and fifty.
Debt. Did I not? that I should conceal any thing from my friend!
Cred. No matter.
Debt. It looks like mistrust, which is a wrong to friendship—
Cred. O Lord!
Debt. I am so ashamed!—for I dare trust my soul with you. I borrowed it, to lend a person of quality, whom I employed to introduce me to the King, and recommend to his particular favour, that I might be able to do you service in your affairs.
Cred. O did you so? then that debt is as it were paid; I’ll cross it out.
Debt. By no means; you shall have it, or I vow—
Cred. Well, Sir, as you please.
Debt. I vow I would ne’er have borrowed of you again, as long as you lived—but proceed—
Cred. Another time one hundred—
Debt. O, that was to send into France to my wife to bring her over, but the Queen would not part with her then; and since, she is fallen sick—
Cred. Alas!
Debt. But pretty well recovered—
Cred. These four sums make up four hundred guineas—
Debt. Just as can be; a very good account. Put down two hundred more, which I will borrow of you now; and then it will be just six hundred: that is, if it will be no inconvenience to you—
Cred. Euh, not in the least—
Debt. It is to make up a sum of two thousand pounds, which I am about to lay up in houses I have bought; but if it incommode you, I can have it elsewhere—
Cred. O, by no means—
Debt. You need but tell me, if it will be any trouble—
Cred. Lord, Sir, that you will think so—
Debt. I know some will be glad of the occasion to serve me; but these are favours only to be asked of special friends. I thought you, being my most esteemed friend, would take it ill, if you should come to hear of it, that I did not ask you first—
Cred. It is a great honour.
C. L.
[322] A noted Highwayman in those days.