A MONO-RHYME.

Oh, Monsieur Perrot! oh, Monsieur Perrot!

Whatever on earth could have made you do so?

Put the Judgment of Paris all into dumb-show!

Bring the Gods and the Goddesses down from en haut!

Paris—Mercury—Venus—Minerva—Juno—

To trip "on the light fantastic toe!"

For who ever heard of a Fandango—

A Gavotte—a Cotillion—a Bolero—

Balancez—avancez—chaine des dames—dos-à-dos,

Or indeed any pas (excepting a "faux")

Perform'd by a Goddess, I'd like to know?

Whate'er in the name, too, of Lemprière and Co.,

Could have made it come into your head to bestow

On the Goddess of Wisdom, so comme il faut,

And who Keightley informs us was "chaste as snow,"

A petticoat scarcely, Sir, reaching below

The knees of the lady—and looking as though

'Twas a kilt of book-muslin or calico!

Whereas every classical cameo

Assures us she usen't her legs to show—

Perhaps they were bandy and form'd like a bow—

Or her ankles were gummy—but whether or no

Sure the Goddess half-naked objected to go.

Now it wouldn't have been such a dreadful blow,

And to Mamselle Minerva much more à propos,

Had you comb'd back the hair of the Virago—

Dress'd it à la Chinoise 'stead of en Bandeau—

While a pair of "blue specs" would have served to throw

Round the Goddess of Wisdom a learned halo!

But short Petticoats surely are rather de trop

For the Sapient Minerva and Stately Juno!!

Then Oh, Mister Lumley! Oh, Monsieur Perrot!

And Oh, Lucille Grahn! and Oh, Cerito!

Whatever on earth could have made you do so?

The Gods and Goddesses behind the Scenes at the Italian Opera.

SHAM IBRAHIM,
or the Pacha at Vauxhall.

A LAY OF MODERN ENGLAND
OR, IBRAHIM PACHA AT VAUXHALL.

Great Ibrahim of Egypt has promised the Lessee

The Masquerade at Vauxhall he'll go in State to see;

To Allah he has vowed it—to Allah and the Clown,

That in his royal Glass-Coach he will in State go down.

It's posted in all Quarters—it's stuck up in all Parts,

It's carried about by Boardmen and advertising Carts;

It is in every paper—it is on every wall,

That Ibrahim of Egypt is going to Vauxhall.

To-night the Clerks of London shall "Merry Monarchs" be;

To-night each Linendraper shall get his Captaincy;

The Tailors Metropolitan to-night shall strut as Greeks,

And Jews for Don Giovannis shall rouge their sallow cheeks.

But there are six young Doctors who dearly love a Laugh,

One is disguised as Ibrahim, the others as his staff;

They've hired a seedy Glass-Coach—they've Beards and Caps and All,

And as Ibrahim of Egypt they're going to Vauxhall.

And now they leave the Borough with many a loud Huzzā;

Drive on! drive on! to Vauxhall—On to the Bal Masqué!

On! shout the six young Doctors, and, as the crowd Hurrah,

They laugh to find they're taken for Ibrahim Pacha.

In swarms the Masqueraders are whirling to the Doors,

Of Sailors there are Hundreds—of Soldiers there are Scores,

And lots of German Students who nought of German know,

And not a few Postillions who're not from Lonjumeau.

And many illegal Lawyers with borrow'd Wigs and Gowns,

And lively Undertakers—and melancholy Clowns,

And Debardeurs and Tomboys—and many a Bow-bell Swain,

And dressed as "Heeland Lassies," the Lasses of Cockaigne.

From Eastward and from Westward the Masks are pouring there,

The Nobbish and the Snobbish from Mile End and May Fair;

They pour from many a Mess-room—and many a Second Floor,

They pour from Swan and Edgar's—from Lincoln's Inn they pour.

But now Inspector Higgins rides up the way to clear;

"Stand back! stand back! you fellows, great Ibrahim is near!"

And then, far in the distance, the welkin's heard to ring,

With "Long live Ibrahim Pacha! Long life to Egypt's King!"

And Nearer still and Nearer the seedy Glass-Coach steals,

And Louder grows and Louder the rumbling of its Wheels,

And Plainly and more Plainly is heard the People's din,

But Nothing still—no Nothing does the Pacha do but Grin.

For Clearly, very Clearly, the Ibrahim they cheer'd,

Was only a Sham Ibrahim with only a Sham Beard,

And Truly, very Truly, the Pacha's present Suite

Came not from Mighty Egypt, but from Great Tooley Street.

Now the Lessee of the Gardens receives them at the Gates,

And thinks the six young Doctors six Eastern Potentates,

And trusts His Royal Highness some Wine will deign to quaff,

Whereat His Royal Highness winks at His Royal Staff.

But the Lessee's looks are angry, and the Lessee's Brows depressed,

A Jest he loves most dearly, but this is past a Jest;

For he hears another Party with Beards and Caps and All,

As Ibrahim of Egypt has come unto Vauxhall.

Then to the Great Sham Ibrahim he talks extremely Large,

Assures his Sham Royal Highness he'll give the Rogues in charge,

Whereon the Sham Interpreter swears t'other's come to Fleece,

And calls aloud for "Vengeance!" and louder for "Police!"

Off to Inspector Higgins the Lessee Flies forthwith;

"There'll be a row," says Ibrahim, "as sure as my name's Smith;

Though if it comes to Fighting, boys, I am a match for Three,

And I will fight like Bricks to-night if You will stand by Me."

Then outspake young O'Driscoll, one of the Staff was He,

"I'll fight for hours for Thee, by the pow'rs! and I will stand by Thee!"

And outspake "Charley" Smivens, and outspake t'other Three,

"We'll fight like mad for Thee, my Lad! and We'll all stand by Thee!"

Now down the Lessee rushes with Higgins to the Gates,

And vows he'll have the Pacha up before the Magistrates;

He calls His Royal Highness an Impostor and a cheat,

And tells Inspector Higgins to collar Him and Suite.

Cries Higgins, when he sees him—"This beats cock-fighting holler,

That there's the King of Egypt you're telling me to collar;

Yes, I'd take my affidavey, although you looks and starts,

That there's the King of Egypt what lodges at Mivart's!"

"That Ibr'im!" cries the Lessee, "then t'other's all a Flam,

But I'll bow in the Real One if you'll kick out the Sham;"

"I will! I will!" shouts Higgins, then with a small Array

Of gallant young Policemen he hurries to the Fray.

Young Smivens knock'd down Higgins into the gutter—smack!

O'Driscoll sent C 30 Whap! right upon his Back;

At two more of "the Body" Smith gave a potent Thrust,

And then C 6 and 7 lay groaning in the Dust.

But they've sent for more Policemen to come and keep the Peace,

And yonder from the Station march twenty more Police;

"Cut off! Cut off, O'Driscoll!" loud cried the Doctors all,

"Cut, Smith! Cut, Charley Smivens! Cut, over the Garden Wall."

Off ran both Smith and Smivens, and off O'Driscoll ran,

The other Three ran off too, pursued by man a Man,

And o'er the Wall they scrambled, and scrambled o'er the Ground,

Nor stopt till in the Borough they were All Safe and Sound.

And now, when of an Evening they want a hearty Laugh,

When they sit smoking "Dodeens," and drinking Half and Half,

And when they're getting Jolly they Love this Chant to squall,

Telling how as Ibrahim Pacha they went into Vauxhall.

"I DREAMT I SLEPT AT MADAME TUSSAUD'S."

The Magnificent Group of the Royal Family, as it will appear at Madame Tussaud's in a few years' time.

Madame Tussaud beside herself

The Brigand of Windmill Street on the look-out down the Haymarket.

George IV. at Madame Tussaud's without his grand Coronation Robes.