APRIL.
The excellent working of the convict system will be summarily displayed in Australia. The convicts, by a decisive coup, will succeed in obtaining the upper hand. The colonial executive will be vanquished and replaced by a provisional government on an entirely new principle. A new and original code of laws will be organized, by which honesty will be made criminal, and rascality rewarded. No man will be allowed to claim any property, unless he can prove that he has stolen it, and no documents whatever will be considered binding except forgeries. The Gold Fields will be at the disposal of the government, who will grant licenses (to be paid for in counterfeit coin) for the assassination and plunder of the individuals who have been sent out (officially) to rob the diggers.
Emigration will, however, continue unchecked. Labour will be at an incredible premium. £400 a year will be refused by a groom, because he is expected to attend to the stable, and refused the use of the piano. Desertion in the army will be carried to such an extent that Lord Hardinge himself will be compelled to mount guard at Folkstone, to keep out the French invasion—his only hope of the safety of the country being derived from the knowledge that all the soldiers of the Emperor Napoleon III. have deserted too, and that that potentate is constitutionally opposed to the ordeal of single combat. There will be no policemen left. The magistrates themselves will be compelled to assume the uniform in case of any malefactors remaining in the country. Mr. Norton's beat will be Westminster Bridge; that of Mr. Broderip, Vauxhall Road and its environs; whilst the safe custody of the Borough will be entrusted to the vigilance of Mr. A'Beckett.