CAPITAL OFFENDERS
A woman who says "my love," and "my dear," and "my pet sweet," to her husband in public, and pulls his hair, probably, in private.
A young man who is studying statistics, and tells you "the number of quarters of bonded corn there were in Hamburgh in 1835 was 10,000 more than any other year," and quotes voluminously about refined tallows and prime Muscovados from
"PORTER'S PROGRESS."
A woman of great intellect, and a young lady at supper who wishes to go into a convent.
A man who is perpetually boasting of his "favourite old port that has been these fifteen years in bottle," and gives you nothing but British brandy.
A woman of fifty years of age who dresses like a girl of nineteen.
A woman who drops her pocket-handkerchief every five minutes at an evening party, in order to test the gallantry of the gentlemen.
A man who gives a dinner party, and keeps saying to his guests, "You see your dinner, gentlemen."
A woman who is always talking about her "delicate constitution."
An old maid who doubts, during dessert, "if you could love madly," and then asks, "What is your beau ideal of the tender passion?"
A young man who quotes Latin at a social party, and proposes healths and toasts; or a German at the Opera who hums all the tunes, overture, and recitatives, stamps his feet, and takes snuff.
A faded coxcomb who talks of his successes with "the dear creatures."
An old fellow who is always recollecting a "capital thing he heard five-and-twenty years ago."
An old play-goer who will insist "we haven't a single actor left," and then tells you, "You should have seen Dicky Suett."
"A man who has seen better days," and will recollect the time he had "thirteen different sorts of wine on his table, and kept his mare and French cook, but no one cares that for him now"—the that being a snap of the fingers.