FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING.
In January.—That on the 8th, fire insurance policies must be attended to; and that, although honesty is the best policy, it will not be available in case of fire.
In February.—That, on the 7th, Dr. Maskelyne died; but as we do not know how to pronounce an opinion on this Maskelyne, it is better for us to remain neuter.
DOG-DAYS—Legislation going to the Dogs.
In March.—That the month is a stormy one at sea, causing leaks in ships; and that, on the 1st, being St. David's day, leeks are worn in the hat by Welshmen.
In April.—That the assessed-tax papers are delivered early in the month; and that not even the vainest of us is then disposed to overrate himself.
In May.—That, on the 14th, vaccination was first used, in 1796; and that, while it saved many from being pitted with the smallpox, the invention itself may be pitted against any other.
June.—That the sun is before the clock on the 7th, which may be remedied by putting the clock before the sun. Mem.—It will do no good to place it before the fire.
July.—That the days decrease in the course of the month; and that on the 5th of July, 1830, Algiers lost a Dey altogether.
August.—That Napoleon was born on the 15th, and Andrew Marvel on the 16th, but that the former was really a greater marvel than the latter.
September.—Your grapes will now begin to want looking after. If you do not bag them yourself, and your vine happens to be in an exposed situation, you may expect that some one will come and bag them for you.
October.—That melons can only be raised in hot beds; and, of course, the hotter the bed the better the melons. Some fruit-gardeners recommend a layer of cinders; but red-hot ashes, enclosed in a warming-pan, will heat your bed quicker than anything. It is usual to cover the bed over with a frame, with panes of glass in it; a good thick counterpane would perhaps be more effective.
November.—That the 5th is Guy Fawkes' day, which is commemorative of an attempted blow up; and that the 9th is Lord Mayor's day, which is devoted to an annual blow out.
December.—That the close of the year is the proper time to begin a system of keeping accounts, for you will have plenty of accounts sent in to enable you to commence keeping them.
Drawing an Audience,—Rogue-ation Sunday.
NEW VERSION OF "ALL ROUND MY HAT."
AS SUNG NIGHTLY AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
All round my hat I hang a green willow,
All round my hat for a twelvemonth and a day;
And if anybody wants to know the reason that I do so,
It's because my ingenuity has all been thrown away.
'Twas taking my drives in the Park I first conceived it,
O, I thought the guard on duty in his hat looked a Guy;
(Spoken.)—Such a hat—like an old muff sewn up at one end of it!
And I never slept a wink, but in my mind I weaved it,
And thought my taste and fancy upon a hat I'd try.
(Spoken.)—Here's your fine infantry beavers, as light as gossamers,
and as waterproof as the washable!
All round my hat, &c.
Oh, my hat it was tall, and my hat it was round too,
And cruel was the public taste that did my hat condemn;
It's ugliness was sure the foe to confound too,
It frightened the public, and would have frightened them.
(Spoken.)—The horses of the cavalry on the other side would
have been sure to shy at it; and they would have got into such
a-rear that the riders never could have come on to the charge. But
now it's
All round my hat, &c.
For seven long weeks the Queen and I planned it,
For seven long weeks we turned it every way:
Bad luck to the public, they didn't understand it;
But I'll praise the hat for ever, although it's done away.
(Spoken.)—Here's your fine British lion grinning at the enemy as
if he would eat 'em up; but, alas! it's
All round my hat, &c.
There is some sort of men so preciously particular,
They wish to see the soldiers in soldier-like array;
But for the regulation, or for taste I'm no stickler,
I only want to see the men in colours bright and gay.
(Spoken.)—Do you want any hussar jackets? Wear 'em and try
'em before you buy 'em. But it's
All round my hat, &c.
Oh, I gave my son a hat on the day he was born on,
Which I gave him as a plaything all to remember me;
And when he grows up, his head it will be worn on,
For an infantry colonel he very soon will be.
(Spoken.)—Here's your fine full blooming annuals—cheap at any
price. Yes, that they are—but it's
All round my hat, &c.
Disturbed State of Wales.