Scene IV.
A Street
Enter Benvolio and Mercutio
Mercutio. Where the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home [to-night]?
Benvolio. Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.
Mercutio. Why, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline,
Torments him so that he will sure run mad.
Benvolio. Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.
Mercutio. A challenge, on my life.
Benvolio. Romeo will answer it.
10
Mercutio. Any man that can write may answer
a letter.
Benvolio. Nay, he will answer the letter's master,
[how he dares], being dared.
Mercutio. Alas, poor Romeo! he is already dead;
stabbed with a [white wench's black eye; shot thorough]
the ear with a love-song; [the very pin] of his
heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's [butt-shaft]; and
is he a man to encounter Tybalt?
Benvolio. Why, what is Tybalt?
20
Mercutio. More than [prince of cats], I can tell you.
O, he is the courageous [captain of compliments]! He
fights as you sing [prick-song], keeps time, distance,
and proportion; rests [me] his minim rest, one, two,
and the third in your bosom; the very butcher of a
silk [button], a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
[very first house], of the first and second cause. Ah,
the immortal [passado]! the punto reverso! the hay!
Benvolio. The what?
Mercutio. The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting
[fantasticoes], these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,
a very good blade! a very tall man!'—Why, is not
this a lamentable thing, [grandsire], that we should be
thus afflicted with these strange flies, these [fashion-mongers],
these [pardonnez-mois], who stand so much
on the new [form] that they cannot sit at ease on the
old bench? O, their [bons], their bons!
Enter Romeo
Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
Mercutio. [Without his roe], like a dried herring. O
flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the
numbers that Petrarch flowed in; Laura to his lady
was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better
love to [be-rhyme] her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra
a gypsy; Helen and Hero [hildings] and harlots;
Thisbe a [grey eye] or so, but not to the purpose.—Signior
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation
to your French [slop]. You gave us the counterfeit
fairly last night.
Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit
did I give you?
50
Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip; can you not
conceive?
Romeo. Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was
great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain
courtesy.
Mercutio. That's as much as to say, such a case
as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
Romeo. Meaning, to curtsy.
Mercutio. Thou hast most [kindly] hit it.
Romeo. A most courteous exposition.
60
Mercutio. Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.
Romeo. Pink for flower.
Mercutio. Right.
Romeo. Why, then is [my pump] well flowered.
Mercutio. Well said; follow me this jest now till
thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single
sole of it is worn the jest may remain after the wearing
sole singular.
Romeo. O [single-souled] jest, solely singular for
the singleness!
70
Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio; my
wits fail.
Romeo. Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or
I'll cry a match.
Mercutio. Nay, if thy wits run the [wild-goose chase],
I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in
one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole
five. [Was I with you] there for the goose?
Romeo. Thou wast never with me for any thing
when thou was not there for the goose.
80
Mercutio. [I will bite thee by the ear] for that jest.
Romeo. Nay, [good goose, bite not].
Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter [sweeting]; it is
a most sharp sauce.
Romeo. [And is it not well served in] to a sweet
goose?
Mercutio. O, here's a wit of [cheveril], that stretches
from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
Romeo. I stretch it out for that word 'broad,'
which added to the goose proves thee far and wide
Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning
for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou
Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as well
as by nature; for this drivelling love is like a great
Benvolio. Stop there, stop there.
Romeo. Here's goodly [gear]!
Enter Nurse and Peter
Mercutio. A sail, a sail!
Benvolio. [Two, two]; a shirt and a smock.
100Nurse. Peter!
Peter. Anon!
Nurse. [My fan, Peter].
Mercutio. Good Peter, to hide her face; for her
fan's the fairer of the two.
Nurse. [God ye good morrow], gentlemen.
Mercutio. God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.
Nurse. Is it good den?
Mercutio. 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the hand of
the dial is now upon the [prick of noon].
110Nurse. Out upon you! what a man are you!
Romeo. One, gentlewoman, that God hath made
for himself to mar.
Nurse. By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself
to mar,' quoth a'?—Gentlemen, can any of you tell
me where I may find the young Romeo?
Romeo. I can tell you; but young Romeo will be
older when you have found him than he was when
you sought him. I am the youngest of that name,
for fault of a worse.
120Nurse. You say well.
Mercutio. Yea, is the worst well? very well took,
i' faith; wisely, wisely.
Nurse. If you be he, sir, I desire some [confidence]
with you.
Benvolio. She will [indite] him to some supper.
Mercutio. [So ho]!
Romeo. What hast thou found?
Mercutio. No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a
lenten pie, that is something stale and [hoar] ere it be
130spent.—Romeo, will you come to your father's?
we'll to dinner thither.
Romeo. I will follow you.
Mercutio. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, [singing]
'[lady, lady, lady]!'
[Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio.
Nurse. Marry, farewell!—I pray you, sir, what
saucy [merchant] was this, that was so full of his
[ropery]?
Romeo. A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear
himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than
140he will stand to in a month.
Nurse. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take
him down an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty
such [Jacks]; and if I cannot, I'll find those that
shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his [flirt-gills]; I
am none of his [skains-mates].—And thou must stand
by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his
pleasure?
Peter. I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I
had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I
150warrant you. I dare draw as soon as another man,
if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on
my side.
Nurse. Now, [afore] God, I am so vexed that every
part about me quivers. Scurvy knave!—Pray you,
sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade
me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will
keep to myself; but first let me tell ye, if ye should
lead her [in a fool's paradise], as they say, it were a
very gross kind of behaviour, as they say; for the
160gentlewoman is young, and, therefore, if you should
deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be
offered to any gentlewoman, and very [weak] dealing.
Romeo. Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress.
I protest unto thee—
Nurse. Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as
much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman!
Romeo. What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost
not mark me.
Nurse. I will tell her, sir, that you do protest,
170which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
Romeo. Bid her devise some means to come to shrift
This afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell
Be shriv'd and married. Here is for thy pains.
Nurse. No, truly, sir, not a penny.
Romeo. Go to; I say you shall.
Nurse. This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.
Romeo. [And stay], good nurse; behind the abbey wall
Within this hour my man shall be with thee,
And bring thee cords made like ,
Which to the [high top-gallant] of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll [quit] thy pains.
Farewell; commend me to thy [mistress].
Nurse. Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.
Romeo. What say'st thou, my dear nurse?
Nurse. Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
[Two may keep counsel], putting one away?
Romeo. I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.
190Nurse. Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady—[Lord],
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing—O,
there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would
fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as
[lieve] see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger
her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the [properer]
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks
as [pale as any clout] in the versal world. Doth not
rosemary and Romeo begin both with ?
Romeo. Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.
200Nurse. Ah, mocker! that's [the dog's name]; R is
for the—No, I know it begins with some other
letter—and she hath the prettiest sententious of it,
of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to
hear it.
Romeo. Commend me to thy lady.
Nurse. Ay, a thousand times.—[Exit Romeo] Peter!
Peter. Anon.
Nurse. [Before, and apace].
[Exeunt.