[Sc. VIII.]
Enter Mercutio, Benuolio.
Mer: Why whats become of Romeo? came he not home to night?
Ben: Not to his Fathers, I spake with his man.
Mer: Ah that same pale hard hearted wench, that Rosaline,
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.
Mer: Tybalt the Kinsman of olde Capolet 5
Hath sent a Letter to his Fathers House:
Some Challenge on my life.
Ben: Romeo will answere it.
Mer: I, anie man that can write may answere a letter.
Ben: Nay, he will answere the letters master if hee bee challenged.10
Mer: Who, Romeo? why he is alreadie dead: stabd
with a white wenches blacke eye, shot thorough the eare
with a loue song, the verie pinne of his heart cleft with the
blinde bow-boyes but-shaft. And is he a man to encounter
Tybalt? 15
Ben: Why what is Tybalt?
Mer: More than the prince of cattes I can tell you. Oh
he is the couragious captaine of complements. Catso, he
fightes as you sing pricke-song, keepes time dystance and
proportion, rests me his minum rest one two and the thirde 20
in your bosome, the very butcher of a silken button, a Duellist
a Duellist, a gentleman of the very first house of the first
and second cause, ah the immortall Passado, the Punto reuerso,
the Hay.
Ben: The what? 25
Me: The Poxe of such limping antique affecting fantasticoes
these new tuners of accents. By Iesu a very good
blade, a very tall man, a very good whoore. Why graundsir
is not this a miserable case that we should be stil afflicted
with these strange flies: these fashionmongers, these pardonmees, 30
that stand so much on the new forme, that they
cannot sitte at ease on the old bench. Oh their bones, theyr
bones.
Ben. Heere comes Romeo.
Mer: Without his Roe, like a dryed Hering. O flesh flesh 35
how art thou fishified. Sirra now is he for the numbers that
Petrarch flowdin: Laura to his Lady was but a kitchin
drudg, yet she had a better loue to berime her: Dido a dowdy
Cleopatra a Gypsie, Hero and Hellen hildings and harletries:
Thisbie a gray eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior 40
Romeo bon iour, there is a French curtesie to your French
slop: yee gaue vs the counterfeit fairely yesternight.
Rom: What counterfeit I pray you?
Me: The slip the slip, can you not conceiue?
Rom: I cry you mercy my busines was great, and in such 45
a case as mine, a man may straine curtesie.
Mer: Oh thats as much to say as such a case as yours wil
constraine a man to bow in the hams.
Rom: A most curteous exposition.
Me: Why I am the very pinke of curtesie. 50
Rom: Pinke for flower?
Mer: Right.
Rom: Then is my Pumpe well flour'd:
Mer: Well said, follow me nowe that iest till thou hast
worne out thy Pumpe, that when the single sole of it is worn 55
the iest may remaine after the wearing solie singuler.
Rom: O single soald iest solie singuler for the singlenes.
Me: Come between vs good Benuolio, for my wits faile.
Rom: Swits and spurres, swits & spurres, or Ile cry a match.
Mer: Nay if thy wits runne the wildgoose chase, I haue 60
done: for I am sure thou hast more of the goose in one of
thy wits, than I haue in all my fiue: Was I with you there for
the goose?
Rom: Thou wert neuer with me for any thing, when
thou wert not with me for the goose. 65
Me: Ile bite thee by the eare for that iest.
Rom: Nay good goose bite not.
Mer: Why thy wit is a bitter sweeting, a most sharp sauce
Rom: And was it not well seru'd in to a sweet goose?
Mer: Oh heere is a witte of Cheuerell that stretcheth 70
from an ynch narrow to an ell broad.
Rom: I stretcht it out for the word broad, which added to
the goose, proues thee faire and wide a broad goose.
Mer: Why is not this better now than groning for loue?
why now art thou sociable, now art thou thy selfe, nowe art 75
thou what thou art, as wel by arte as nature. This driueling
loue is like a great naturall, that runs vp and downe to hide
his bable in a hole.
Ben: Stop there.
Me: Why thou wouldst haue me stopp my tale against 80
the haire.
Ben: Thou wouldst haue made thy tale too long?
Mer: Tut man thou art deceiued, I meant to make it
short, for I was come to the whole depth of my tale? and
meant indeed to occupie the argument no longer. 85
Rom: Heers goodly geare.
Enter Nurse and her man.
Mer: A saile, a saile, a saile.
Ben: Two, two, a shirt and a smocke.
Nur: Peter, pree thee giue me my fan.
Mer: Pree thee doo good Peter, to hide her face: for 90
her fanne is the fairer of the two.
Nur: God ye goodmorrow Gentlemen.
Mer: God ye good den faire Gentlewoman.
Nur: Is it godyegooden I pray you.
Mer: Tis no lesse I assure you, for the baudie hand of 95
the diall is euen now vpon the pricke of noone.
Nur: Fie, what a man is this?
Rom: A Gentleman Nurse, that God hath made for
himselfe to marre.
Nur: By my troth well said: for himselfe to marre 100
quoth he? I pray you can anie of you tell where one maie
finde yong Romeo?
Rom: I can: but yong Romeo will bee elder when you
haue found him, than he was when you sought him. I am
the yongest of that name for fault of a worse. 105
Nur: Well said.
Mer: Yea, is the worst well? mas well noted, wisely,
wisely.
Nu: If you be he sir, I desire some conference with ye.
Ben: O, belike she meanes to inuite him to supper. 110
Mer: So ho. A baud, a baud, a baud.
Rom: Why what hast found man?
Mer: No hare sir, vnlesse it be a hare in a lenten pye,
that is somewhat stale and hoare ere it be eaten.
He walkes by them, and sings.
And an olde hare hore, and an olde hare hore 115
is verie good meate in Lent:
But a hare thats hoare is too much for a score,
if it hore ere it be spent.
Youl come to your fathers to supper?
Rom: I will. 120
Mer: Farewell ancient Ladie, farewell sweete Ladie.
Exeunt Benuolio, Mercutio.
Nur: Marry farewell. Pray what saucie merchant was
this that was so full of his roperipe?
Rom: A gentleman Nurse that loues to heare himselfe
talke, and will speake more in an houre than hee will stand
to in a month. 125
Nur: If he stand to anie thing against mee, Ile take
him downe if he were lustier than he is: if I cannot take him
downe, Ile finde them that shall: I am none of his flurtgills,
I am none of his skaines mates. 130
She turnes to Peter her man.
And thou like a knaue must stand by, and see euery Iacke
vse me at his pleasure.
Pet: I see no bodie vse you at his pleasure, if I had, I
would soone haue drawen: you know my toole is as soone
out as anothers if I see time and place. 135
Nur: Now afore God he hath so vext me, that euerie
member about me quiuers: scuruie Iacke. But as I said, my
Ladie bad me seeke ye out, and what shee bad me tell yee,
that Ile keepe to my selfe: but if you should lead her into a
fooles paradice as they saye, it were a verie grosse kinde of 140
behauiour as they say, for the Gentlewoman is yong. Now
if you should deale doubly with her, it were verie weake
dealing, and not to be offered to anie Gentlewoman.
Rom: Nurse, commend me to thy Ladie, tell her I
protest. 145
Nur: Good heart: yfaith Ile tell her so: oh she will be
a ioyfull woman.
Rom: Why, what wilt thou tell her?
Nur: That you doo protest: which (as I take it) is a
Gentlemanlike proffer. 150
Rom: Bid her get leaue to morrow morning
To come to shrift to Frier Laurence cell:
And stay thou Nurse behinde the Abbey wall,
My man shall come to thee, and bring along
The cordes, made like a tackled staire, 155
Which to the high top-gallant of my ioy
Must be my conduct in the secret night.
Hold, take that for thy paines.
Nur: No, not a penie truly.
Rom: I say you shall not chuse. 160
Nur: Well, to morrow morning she shall not faile.
Rom: Farewell, be trustie, and Ile quite thy paine. Exit.
Nur: Peter, take my fanne, and goe before. Ex. omnes.