THANKSGIVING IN 20,000 A. D.
"Oh, how the ways have changed with men
Since the good days of nineteen ten,
When I was living on the earth
And joining in Thanksgiving mirth!"
A nineteen hundred spirit cried
As many people he espied
While gazing on old Mother Earth
Years twenty thousand since her birth.
Long, long ago, as poets say,
For good Thanksgiving holiday
A feast was spread of nice mince pies.
Of turkeys of tremendous size,
Cranberry sauce, and giblet stew,
Potatoes, corn and ice cream, too,
With salads, raisins, nuts and cake,
And all the pastry "Ma" could bake.
These days, alas! they don't believe
That any stomach should receive
A mixture of such tasty things,
And as folks float upon their wings
They take some predigested pills,
Which, so they say, keep off all ills.
And now on good Thanksgiving Day
There is no feasting, as folks say—
"We wish to live for many years,
And of all eating we have fears.
The doctors say corn's full of worms
Known as pellagra's awful germs,
That turkeys cause appendicitis,
Scarlet fever, stomachtitis;
That products of the frying pan
Cause great distress to every man;
That puddings bring us naught but woe,
And therefore we should let them go.
We ne'er will sit around a table
And eat as long as we are able,
Then put it in the daily paper
That Mrs. X. cut such a caper
As to invite fair Madame P.
To dine with her or drink some tea.
'Tis vulgar, common, so we think,
To go about and eat and drink,
While people watch us taking food
Which we consider very rude;
So to dark closets we retire
When NATURE calls for more food-fire,
And there on this Thanksgiving Day
We all will go, though not to pray,
But predigested powders take
Instead of turkey, pie and cake."