SCENE II
SETTING: Interior of Macedonia Baptist Church, a rectangular room, windows on each side, two "Amen Corners", pulpit with a plush cover with heavy fringe, practical door in pulpit, practical door in front of church, two oil brackets with reflectors on each side wall with lamps missing all but one, one big oil lamp in center.
ACTION: At the rise, church is about full. A buzz and hum fills the church. Voices of children angry and jeering heard from the street. The church bell begins to toll for death. Everybody looks shocked.
SISTER LEWIS
Lawd! Is Dave done died from dat lick?
SISTER THOMAS (to her husband) Walter, go see. (He gets up and starts down the aisle to front door. Enter Deacon Hambo by front door.)
WALTER
Who dead?[Note: correction to e]
HAMBO (laughing) Nobody—jus' tollin' de bell for dat Meth'dis gopher dat's gointer be long long gone after dis trial. (laughter from the Baptist side)
WALTER Y'all sho thinks you runs dis town, dontcher? But Elder Simms'll show you somethin' t'day. If he don't, God's uh gopher.
HAMBO
He can't show us nothin' cause he don't know nothin' hisself.
WALTER
He got mo' book-learnin' than Rev. Singletary got.
HAMBO He mought be unletter-learnt, but he kin drive over Sims like a road plow.
METHODIST CHORUS
Aw, naw! Dat's a lie!
(Enter Rev. Simms by front door with open Bible in hand. A murmur of applause arises on the Methodist side, grunts on the Baptist side. Immediately behind him comes Lum Boger leading Jim Weston. They parade up to the right Amen Corner and seat themselves on the same bench, Jim between the Marshall and the preacher. A great rooster crowing and hen cackling arises on the Baptist side. Jim Weston jumps angrily to his feet.)
(Enter by front door Rev. Singletary and Dave. Dave's head is bandaged, but he walks firmly and seems not ill at all. They sit in the left Amen Corner. Jeering grunts from the Methodist side.)
SISTER THOMAS
Look at ol' Dave trying to make out he's hurt.
LIGE Everybody know uh Baptis' head is hardern uh rock. Look like they'd be skeered tuh go in swimmin', do they heads would drown 'em. (general laughter on Methodist side)
(Enter Bro. Nixon with his jumper jacket on his arm and climbs over the knees of a bench full of people and finds seat against the wall directly beneath empty lamp bracket. He looks around for some place to dispose of his coat. Sees the lamp-bracket and hangs up the coat, hitches up his pants and sits down.)
SISTER LEWIS (rising and glaring at Nixon) Shank Nixon, you take yo' lousy coat down off these sacred walls. Ain't you Methdis' niggers got no gumption in de house of Wash-up!
(Nixon mocks her by standing akimbo and shaking himself like a woman. General laughter. He prepares to resume his seat but looks over and sees Deacon Hambo on his feet, and glaring angrily at him. He quickly reaches up and takes the coat down and folds it across his knees.)
(Sister Taylor looks very pointedly at Sister Lewis then takes a dip of snuff and looks sneering at Lewis again.)
SISTER TAYLOR
Some folks is a whole lot more keerful bout a louse in de church than
[Note: corrected missing space] they is in they house. (Looks
pointedly at Sister Lewis.)
SISTER LEWIS (bustling) Whut you gazin' at me for? Wid your pop-eyes looking like skirt ginny-nuts.
SISTER TAYLOR I hate to tell you whut yo' mouf looks like. I sho do you and soap and soap and water musta had some words.
SISTER LEWIS Talkin' bout other folks being dirty—yo' young 'uns must be sleep in they draws cause you kin smell 'em a mile down de road.
SISTER TAYLOR
Taint no lice on 'em though.
SISTER LEWIS You got just as many bed-bugs and chinches as anybody else, don't come trying to hand me dat rough package bout yo' house so clean.
SISTER TAYLOR Yeah, but I done seen de bed-bugs munchin' out yo' house in de mornin', keepin' step just like soldiers drillin'. An' you got so many lice I seen em on de dish-rag. One day you tried to pick up de dish-rag and put it in de dish water and them lice pulled back and tole you "Aw naw, damned if I'm going to let you drown me." (Loud laughter from the Methodist side)
SISTER LEWIS (furious—rises akimbo) Well, my house might not be exactly clean, but there's no fly-specks on my character! They didn't have to sit de sheriff to make Willie marry me like they did to make Tony marry you.
SISTER TAYLOR (Jumping up and starts across the aisle. She is pulled back out of the aisle by friends.) Yeah, they got de sheriff to make Tony marry me, but he married me and made me a good husband, too. I sits in my rocking cheer on my porch every Sat'day evening and say "here come Tony and them—
SISTER LEWIS
Them what?
SISTER TAYLOR Them dollars. Now you sho orter go git de sheriff and a shot-gun and make some of dese men marry yo' daughter Ada.
SISTER LEWIS (Jumping up and starting across the aisle. She is restrained, but struggles hard.) Lemme go, Jim Merchant! Turn me go! I'm going to stomp de black heifer till she can't sit down.
SISTER TAYLOR (Also struggling) Let her come on! If I get my hands on her I'll turn her every way but loose.
SISTER LEWIS Just come on out dis church, Lucy Taylor. I'll beat you on everything you got but yo' tongue and I'll bit dat a lick if you stick it out. (to the men holding her) Turn me go! I'm going to fix her so her own mammy won't know her. She ain't going to slip me into de dozens and laugh about it.
SISTER TAYLOR (Trying to free herself) Why don't y'all turn dat ole twist mouth 'oman loose. All I wants to do is hit her one lick. I betcha I'll take her 'way from here faster than de word of God.
SISTER LEWIS (to men holding Mrs. Taylor) I don't see how come y'all want let ole flat-behind Lucy Taylor aloose—make out she so bad, now. She may be red hot but I kin cool her. I'll ride her just like Jesus rode a jackass.
(They have subsided into their seats again, but are glaring at each other. Enter Mayor Clarke thru the pulpit door and is annoyed at the clamor going on. He tries to quell the noise with a frown.)
SISTER TAYLOR Dat ain't nothin' but talk—You looks lak de Devil before day, but you ain't so bad—not half as bad as you smell.
CLARKE
Order, please. Court is set.
SISTER LEWIS You looks like all hell and de devil's doll baby, but all I want you to do is to hit de ground and I'll crawl you. Put it where I kin git it and I'll sho use it.
MAYOR CLARKE (feeling everywhere for the gavel) Lum Boger! Where's dat gavel I told you to put here?
LUM (from beside prisoner) You said you were going to git it yo'self.
CLARKE I God, Lum, you gointer stand there like a bump on a log and see I ain't got nothin' to open court wid? Go head—fetch me dat gavel. Make haste quick before dese wimmen folks tote off dis church house. (Lum exits by front door)
SISTER TAYLOR (to Lewis) Aw, shut up, you big old he-looking rascal you! Nobody don't know whether you'se a man or a woman.
CLARKE
You wimmen, shut up!
SISTER LEWIS (to Taylor) Air Lawd! Dat ain't yo trouble. They all knows whut you is—eg-zackly!
LINDSAY Aw, why don't you wimmen cut dat out in de church-house! Jus' jawin' and chewin' de rag!
SISTER TAYLOR Joe Lindsay, if you'd go home and feed dat raw-boned horse of yourn you wouldn't have so much time to stick yo' bill in business that ain't yourn.
LINDSAY You ain't got nairn to feed—You better go hunt another dead dog and git some mo' teeth. Great big ole empty mouf, and no cheers in de parlar.
SISTER TAYLOR I kin git all de teeth I wants—I'd ruther not have no cheers in my parlor than to have them ole snags you got in yo' mouf. I'd ruther gum it out.
LINDSAY You don't ruther gum it out, you hafta gum it out. You ain't got no teeth. Dey better send out to dat ole mule and git you some teethes.
SISTER LEWIS Joe Lindsay, don't you know no better than to strain wid folks ain't got sense enough to tote guts to a bean? If they ain't born wid no sense you cna't learn 'em none.
LINDSAY You sho done tole whut God love now. (Glaring across the aisle) Ain't got enough gumption to kill a buzzard.
(Enter Lum by front door with gavel in one hand and mule bone in the other. He walks importantly up the aisles and hands Clarke the gavel and lays the bone atop the pulpit.)
CLARKE (rapping sharply with gavel) Here! You moufy wimmen shut up. (to Lum) Lum, go on back there and shut dem wimmen up or put 'em outa here.
(Lum starts walking importantly down the aisle towards Sister Taylor. she almost rises to meet him.)
SISTER TAYLOR Lum Boger, you fresh little snot you! Don't you dast to come here trying to put me out—Many diapers as I done pinned on you! Git way from me befo' I knock every nap off of yo' head, one by one.
(Lum hurries away from her apologetically. He turns towards Mrs.
Lewis.)
MRS. LEWIS Deed Godknows you better not lay de weight of yo' hand on me, Lum. Here you ain't dry behind de ears yert and come telling me what to do. Gwan way from here before I kick yo' clothes up round you' neck like a horse collar.
(Lum goes on back and takes his seat beside the prisoner.)
CLARKE (glaring ferociously) This court is set and I'm bound to have some order or else. (The talking ceases. Absolute quiet)
CLARKE Now less git down to business. We got folks in dis town dat's just like a snake in de grass.
SISTER BOGER Brother Mayor! We ain't got no business going into no trial nor northin' else 'thout a word of prayer—to be sure de right spirit is wid us.
VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE Thass right,—Elder Simms, give us a word of prayer. (He rises hurriedly.)
VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE This is a Baptist Church and de pastor is settin' right here—how come he can't pray in his own church?
VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE Y'all done started all dis mess—how you going to git de right spirit here? Go head, Rev. Simms.
VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE
He can't pray over me. Dis Church says one Lord, one faith, one
Baptism—and a man that ain't never been baptised atall ain't got no
business praying over nobody.
CLARKE (rapping with gavel) Less sing! Somebody raise a tune.
(VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE begins "Onward Christian Soldiers" and the others join in.)
(VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE begins "All hail the power of Jesus name" and the Methodists join in. Both shout as loud as they can to the end of the verse.)
(Mayor Clarke raps loudly for order at the end of the verse and lifts his hands as if to bless a table)
CLARKE (praying) Lord be withus and bless these few remarks we are about to receive, Amen. Now this court is open for business. All of us know we came here on serious business. This town is bout to be tore up by back-biting and malice. Now everybody that's a witness in this case stand up. I wants the witness to take the front seat.
(Nearly everybody in the room rises. Brother Hambo frowns across the aisle at Mrs. McDuffy, who is standing.)
BROTHER HAMBO
Whut you doing standin' up for a witness? I know you wasn't there.
You don't know one thing about it.
SISTER McDUFFY I got just as much right to testify as you is. I don't keer if I wasn't there. Any man that treat they wife bad as you can't tell nobody else they eye is black. You clean round yo' own door before you go sweeping round other folks.
SISTER LINDSAY (to Nixon) What you doin' up there testifying? When you done let yo' hawg root up all my p'tater patch.
NIXON
Aw shut up woman—You ain't had no taters for no pit to root up.
SISTER LINDSAY Who ain't had no taters? (To Lige) Look here, Lige, didn't I git a whole crokus sack full of tater slips from yo' brother Sam?
LIGE (reluctantly) Yeah.
SISTER LINDSAY Course I had sweet p'taters! And if you stand up there and tell me I ain't had no p'taters I'll be all over you just like gravy over rice.
NIXON
Aw shut up—We ain't come here to talk about yo' tater vines, we come—
SISTER LINDSAY (to her husband) Joe! What kind of a husband is you? Set here and let Nixon 'buse me out lak dat!
WALTER How is he going to give anybody a straightening when he needs straightening hisself. I bought a load of compost from him and paid for it in advance and he come there when I wasn't home and dumped a half-a-load in there and drove on off wid my money.
SISTER HAMBO Aw, you ain't got no right to talk, Walter, not low down as you is—if somebody stump their toe in dis town you won't let yo' shirt-tail touch you till you bolt over to Maitland and puke yo' guts to de white folks—and God knows I 'bominates a white folks nigger.
WALTER Aw you just mad cause I wouldn't let your old starved-out cow eat up my cow-peas.
SISTER HAMBO (triumphantly) Unhumh! I knowed you was the one knocked my cow's horn off! And you lied like a doodle-bug going backwards in his hole and made out you didn't do it.
WALTER
I didn't do no such a thing.
SISTER HAMBO
I say you did and belong to Macedonia Baptist Church and I can't lie.
WALTER Yo' mouf is cut cross ways, ain't it? Well then, yo' mouf ain't no prayer-book even if yo' lips do flap like a Bible. You kin lie and then re-lie.
DEACON HAMBO Walter Thomas talk dat biggity talk to me, not to my wife. Maybe you kin whip her, but if you can't whip me too, don't bring de mess up.
CLARKE (rapping) Y'all men folks shut up before I put you both under arrest. Come to order everybody.
LINDSAY I just wants say this before we go any further. Nobody bet not slur my wife in here—do I'll strow 'em all over de county.
MRS. NIXON Aw, youse de nastiest threatener in three states but I ain't seen you do nothin'. De seat of yo' pants is too close to de ground for you to be crowin' so loud. You so short you smell right earthy.
MRS. LINDSAY De seat of yo' husband's britches been draggin' de ground ever since I knowed him. Don't like it dontcher take it, here's my collar come and shake it. (She puts the palms of her hands together and holding the heels together, flaps the fore part of her hands like a gator opening and shutting its mouth. This infuriates Mrs. Nixon.
CLARKE Shut up! We didn't come here to wash and iron niggers. We come here for a trial. (raps)
MRS. NIXON (to Clarke) I ain't going to shut up nothin' of de kind. Think I'm going to let her low-rate me and I take it all? Naw indeed. I'm going to sack dis female out before we any further go.
MRS. LINDSAY Aw, I done dished you out too many times. Go head on and try to keep yo' lil squatty husband away from down on de lake wid wimmens and you'll have all you can do. How does old heavy-hipted mama talk?
(snaps her fingers)
MRS. NIXON Nobody wouldn't have you if he could get anybody else. (She makes a circle with her thum and first finger and holds it up for Mrs. Lindsay to see.) Come thru—don't you feel cheap?
CLARKE
Sister Nixon, shut up!
SISTER NIXON You can't shut me up, not the way you live. When you quit beatin Mrs. Mattie and dominizing her all de time then you kin tell other folks what to do. You ain't none of my boss. Don't let yo' wooden God and corn-stalk Jesus fool you now. Now de way you sells rancid bacon for fresh.
NIXON
Aw, honey, hush a while, please and less git started.
(A momentary quiet falls on the place. Mayor glowers all over the place. Turns to Lum.)
CLARKE Lum, git a piece of paper and a pencil and take de names of all de witnesses who was dere while de fight was going on.
LUM (Pulling a small tablet and pencil out of his coat pocket) I brought it with me.
CLARKE Now everybody who was at de fight hold up yo' hands so Lum can know who you are.
(Several hands go up. Sister Anderson puts up her hand.)
CLARKE
You wasn't there, Sister Anderson, not at that time.
SISTER ANDERSON I hadn't been gone more'n ten minutes 'fore Dave come in from de woods.
CLARKE
But you didn't see it.
SISTER ANDERSON It don't make no difference—my husband heered every word was spoke and told me jes' lak it happen. Don't tell me I can't testify.
DEACON HAMBO Nobody can't testify but de two boys cause nobody wuz at de fight but dem.
SISTER ANDERSON Dat's all right too, Brother, but I know whut they wuz fightin' about an' it wudn't no turkey neither. It wuz Daisy Blunt.
MRS. BLUNT Just you take my chile's name right out yo' mouf, Becky Anderson. She wuznt out in dat cypress swamp. Leave her out dis mess.
REV. SIMMS You ain't got no call to be so touchous bout yo' girl, but you sho said a mouthful, Sister Blunt. Dis sho is a mess. Can't help from being uh mess. (glares at Mayor) Holdin' a trial in de Baptist Church! Some folks ain't got sense enough todo 'em till four o'clock and its way after half past tree right now.
MAYOR Shet up, dere, Simms! Set down! Who ast yo' pot to boil, nohow! Court is de best church they is, anyhow, cause you come in court. You better have a good experience and a strong determination. (raps vigorously) Now lemme tell y'all something. When de Mayor sets Court—don't keer when I sets it nor where I sets it, you got to git quiet and stay quiet till I ast you tuh talk. I God, you sound lak a tree full uh blackbirds! Dis ain't no barbecue, nor neither no camp meetin'. We 'sembled here tuh law uh boy on a serious charge. (A great buzz rises from the congregation. Mayor raps hard for order and glares all about him.) Hear! Hear! All of us kin sing at de same time, but can't but one of us talk at a time. I'm doin' de talkin' now, so de rest of you dry up till I git through. I God, you sound lak uh passle uh dog fights! We ain't here for no form and no fashion and no outside show to de world. Wese here to law. (to Lum) You done got all de witnesses straight—Got they names down?
LUM
Yessuh, I got it all straightened out.
CLARKE
Well, read de names out and let de witnesses take de front seats.
LUM
Mr. Clarke, I done found out nobody wasn't at dat fight but Jim and
Dave and de mule bones. Dere's de bone Dave got hit wid up on de
rostrum and deres Jim and Dave in de Amen Corners.
DAVE (rising excitedly) Mist' Clarke! Brother Mayor, I wants to ast uh question right now to git some information.
MAYOR
All right, Dave, go head and ast it.
DAVE
Brother Mayor, I wanted to know whut become of my turkey gobbler?
MAYOR I God, Dave, youse in order. Lum! I God, I been layin' off to ast you whut you dont wid dat turkey. Where is it?
(A burst of knowing laughter from the house)
LUM (very embarrassed) Well, when you tole me to go 'rrest Jim and de turkey, I took and went on round to his ma's house and he wudnt dere so I took and turnt round and made it t'wards Daisy's house an' I caught up wid him under dat China-berry tree jest befo' you gits tuh Daisy's house. He was makin' it on t'wards her house wid de turkey in one hand—his gun crost his shoulder when I hailed 'im. I hollered "Jim, hold on dere uh minute!" He dropped de turkey and wheeled and throwed de gun on me.
MAYOR CLARKE
I God, he drawed uh gon on de City Marshall?
LUM Yessir! He sho did. Thought I was Dave. Tole me: "Don't you come another step unless you want to see yuh Jesus." I hollered back "It's me, I ain't no Dave Carter." So he took de gun offa me and I went up to him and put him under arrest, and locked him up in yo' barn and brought you de key, didn't I?
CLARKE
You sho did, but I God, I ast you whut become of de turkey?
LUM De turkey wasn't picked or nothin', so I put him under 'rrest too, jus' lak you tole me. (general laughter)
CLARKE I God, Lum, whut did you do wid de turkey after you put him under 'rrest?
LUM Jim, he didn't want to come wid me till he could make it to Daisy's house to give her det turkey but, bein so close up on him till he couldn't draw his rifle, I throwed my 32:20 in his face an' tole him I said "Don't you move! Don't you move uh pig do I'll burn you down! I got my burner cocked dead in yo' face and I'll keer you down jus' lak good gas went up. Come on wid me!" So I took his rifle and picked up de turkey and marched him off to yo' cow-lot. Ast him didn't I do it. I tole him, I said "I know you Westons goes for bad but I'm yo' match. I said you may be slick but you kin stand another greasing. Now sir! I ain't skeered uh nobody. I'll put de whole town under 'rrest.
MAYOR CLARKE I God, Lum, if you don't tell me whut you done wid dat turkey, you better! (draws back the gavel as if to hurl it at Lum) I'll lam you over de head wid dis mallet! Whut did you do wid dat gobbler turkey?
LUM Being as he wasn't picked or nothin', I know you didn't want to be bothered wid it, so I took and carried it over to Mrs. Blunt's house and she put on some hot water and we set up way Sat'day night pickin de turkey and fixin him so nex' day she cooked him off—just sorta baked him wid a lil stuffin an' such, so he'd keep.
MAYOR CLARKE Didn't you know my wife knowed how to cook? Go fetch dat turkey here, and don't let no dead lice fall off of you on de way.
LUM (extremely embarrassed) I don't speck he's dere now, Mist' Clarke.
CLARKE (ferociously) How come?
LUM I passed by dere on Sunday and et a lil piece of shoulder offa him, an' being everybody else was eatin' turkey too, I et some breast meat an' uh mouf ful or two of stuffin' an' uh drum stick wid de ham part of de leg hung on to it wid a lil gravy. (general laughter) I thought I was doin' right cause [Note: corrected missing space] de turkey was kilt for Daisy anyhow. So I jus' took it on to her. Dave was all hurt up and Jim was locked up so—
CLARKE
Dat'll do! Dat'll do! Dry up, Suh! (turns to Dave) Stand up, Dave.
Since youse de one got hurted, you be de first witness and tell me
just whut went on out dere.
(Dave rises slowly.)
SISTER TAYLOR Dat's right, Dave. Git up dere and lie lak de cross ties from New York to Texas. You greasy rascal you! You better go wash yo'self before you go testifying on people.
DAVE
I'm just as clean as you.
REV. SINGLETARY (jumping to his feet) Wait a minute! Taint none of y'all got no call to be throwin' off on dis boy. He come here to git justice, not to be slurred and low-rated. He ain't 'ssaulted nobody. He ain't stole no turkeys nor chickens. He's a clean boy. He set at my feet in Sunday school since he was so high, (measures knee height) and he come thru religion under de sound of my voice an' I baptized him and I know he's clean.
SISTER TAYLOR
It'll take more'n uh baptizin' to clean dat nigger.
DAVE I goes in swimmin' nearly every day. I'm just as clean as anybody else.
SISTER TAYLOR (Mayor begins rapping for order. She shouts out) Swimmin! Dat ain't gointer clean de crust offa you. You ain't had a good bath since de devil was a hatchet. If you ain't been parboiled in de wash pot and scoured wid Red Seal lye, don't bring de mess up.
CLARKE
I'm goin' to have order here or else! Gwan, Dave.
DAVE
It's just lak I tole you Sat'day night.
CLARKE Yeah, but dat wuz at de store. Dis is in [Note: corrected missing space] court and it's got to be tole agin.
ELDER SIMMS Just uh minute, Brother Clarke, before we any further go I wants to ast de witness uh question dat oughter be answered before he open his mouf.
MAYOR CLARKE
Whut kind of a question is dat?
SIMMS Dave, tell de truth. Ain't yo' heart full of envy and malce 'gainst dis chile? (Gestures towards Jim. Dave shakes his head and starts to deny the charge but Simms hurries on.) Wait a minute now! Wait till I git thru. Didn't y'all used to run around everywhere playin' and singing andeverything till you got so full of envy and malce and devilment till y'al broke up? Now, Brother Mayor, make him tell de truth.
DAVE Yeah, I useter be crazy bout Jim, and we was buddies till he tried to back bite me wie, wid my girl.
JIM Never was yo girl. Nohow I ain't none of yo' buddy. I ain't got no buddy. They kilt my buddy tryin' to raise me. But I did useter lak you till you acted so low down tryin' to undermine me and root me out wid my girl.
MAYOR Aw, table dat business an' less open up new business. We ain't here to find out whose girl it is. We wants to know 'bout dis fight and who hit de first lick and how come. Go head on Dave and talk.
DAVE Well, jus lak I tole yuh, Sat'day night, I been watchin' dat flock uh wild turkeys ever since way last summer roostin' in de edge of dat cypress swamp out by Howell Creek, where Brazzle's ole mule was dragged out. It was a great, bit ole gobbler leadin' de flock. So last time I seen him I said I was gointer git him for my girl if it taken me uh year. So Sat'day, kinda late, I grabs ole Hannah, my gun, I calls her Old Hannah, and come to de store to buy some shells. Y'all know whut went on at de store. Well, it made me feel lak I wuz gointergit dat ole gobbler if I had to follow him clean to Diddy war Diddy or slap into Ginny-Gall. But I didn't have to do nothin'. When I got out by de ole mule bones, I seen 'em flyin' round lak buzzards. So I loaded both barrels, squatted down on uh log where I had dead aim on dat big ole cypress pine where they roosts at. Sho nuff, soon's de sun had done set, here dey come followin' de leader'. He lit way out on de end of de limb kinda off from de rest and I eased ole Hannah up on him. Man! I got so skeered I wuz gointer miss him till I got de all overs. He gobbled two three times to see if all his fambly was safed den he settled down and bam! I let him have it! He spread his wings lak he wuz gointer fly on off an' I cried lak a chile! But I got him alright and down he come floppin, and me grabbin him before he quit kickin. Gee, I was proud. He felt lak he weighed forty pounds. Whilst I was kinda heftin him in my hands I heard uh rifle fire and I looked and dere was Jim firin into de turkey flock dat was flyin round skeered. He didn't hit a God's thing, but he seen me wid my gobbler and come runnin up talking bout give him his turkey. I ast him "who turkey you talkin bout?[Note: missing double quote?] He says dat one of hisn I hed done grabbed. I tole him he must gone crazy in de head. He says, I better give him his turkey before he beat my head off. I tole him I wasn't gointer give nobody but Daisy Blunt dat turkey. Otherwise, if he wanted to try my head, I wasn't runnin uh damn step. Come on. So he jumped on me and tried to snatch de turkey. We fit all over de place. First we was just tusslin for de bird, but when he found out he couldn't take it he hit me wid his fist. Den I ups wid my African soup bone and I bet I plowed up uh acre uh bushes wid his head. He hit ker-bam! right in dat pack uh mule bones and I turnt and started off, when lo and behold, he gits up wid dat hock bone and lams me in de head and when I come to, him and my turkey was gone. So I come swore out uh warrant aginst him cause didn't fight fair. I ain't mad. I always lakted Jim, but he sho done dirty—lammin me wid uh mule bone and takin' [Note: corrected missing space] my turkey.
(Dave resumes his seat and Jim drops his head for a moment, then snatches it up arrogantly and glares at the Baptists. The whole place is very silent for a moment. Then Mayor Clarke clears his throat, raps with his gavel and looks sternly at Jim.)
CLARKE Jim Weston, stand up suh! (Jim rises sullenly.) Youse charged wid 'saulting Dave Carter wid uh dangerous weapon and then stealin his lawful turkey gobbler. You heard de charge—guilty or not guilty?
JIM (arrogantly) Yeah, I hit him and I'll hit him agin if he crowd me. But I ain't guilty uh no crime. (He hitches up his pants and sits down arrogantly.)
CLARKE (surprised) Whuts dat you say, Jim? (raps sharply) Git up from there sir! Whuts dat you say?
JIM (rising) I say, heah, I lammed ole Dave wid de mule bone, but I ain't guilty uh nothin.
(There is a stark silence for a few seconds. Then Clarke raps nervously.)
CLARKE
How come you ain't guilty?
(Jim sits down amid jubilant smiles of Methodists. Simms chuckles out loud and wipes his face with his handkerchief. He gets to his feet still gloating.)
SIMMS (to Jim) Set down, Jim, and lemme show dese people dat walks in de darkness wid sinners an' republicans de light.
SINGLETARY You just as well tuh hush up befo' you start, then, Simms. You can't show nobody uh light when you ain't got none tuh show.
HAMBO
Ain't dat de gospel?
NIXON Aw, let de man talk. Y'all sound lak uh tree full uh blackbirds. Go head on, Elder Simms.
WALTER Yeah, you can't teach 'em nothin' but talk on. We know whut you talkin' about.
CLARKE (raps once or twice) I God, tell it. Whut ever tis you got tuh tell.
SISTER LEWIS An yeah, hurry up and tell it. I know it ain't goin' tuh be nothin' after you git it told but hurry up and say it so yo' egg-bag kin rest easy.
WALTER
Aw shut up an' give de man uh chance.
SISTER LEWIS
My shetters ain't workin' good. Sposin' you come shet me up, Walter.
Den you'll know it's done right.
LIGE
Aw, whyn't y'all ack lak folks an' leave de man talk.
CLARKE (rapping repeatedly) Order in dis court, I God, jus' like you was in Orlando! (Silence falls.) Now, Simms, talk yo' chat.
SIMMS (glances down into his open Bible then looks all around the room with great deliberation. It is evident he enjoys being the center of attraction. He smiles smugly as he turns his face towards the pulpit. He speaks slowly and accents his words so that none will be lost on his audience.) De Bible says, be sho' you're right, then go ahead. (He looks all around to collect the admiration he feels he has earned.) Now, we all done gethered and 'sembled here tuh law dis young lad of uh boy on uh might serious charge. Uh whole passle of us is rarin tuh drive him way from home lak you done done off his daddy an' his brothers.
HAMBO We never drove off his pappy. De white folks took an' hung him for killin' dat man [Note: corrected missing space?] in Kissimmee for nothin'.
SIMMS
Dat ain't de point, brother Hambo.
HAMBO
It's jes' as good uh point as any. If you gointer talk—tell de truth.
An if you can't tell de truth, set down an' leave Rev. Singletary
talk.
SIMMS Brother Mayor, how come you let dese people run they mouf lak uh passle uh cow-bells? Ain't I got de floor? I ain't no breath-and-britches. I was people in Middle Georgy befo' I ever come to Floridy. Whut kind of Chairman is you, nohow?
CLARKE (angrily) Heah! Heah! Don't you come tryin' show yo'self round me! I God, I don't keer whut you wuz in Georgy. I God, I kin eat fried chicken when you [Note: corrected missing spaces] caint git rain water tuh drink. Hurry up an' say dat mess you got in yo' craw an' set down. We needs yo' space more than we needs yo' comp'ny.
NIXON Don't let him skeer you, Elder Sims. You got plenty shoulders tuh back yo' fallin.
HAMBO
Well, each an' every shoulder kin hit de ground an' I'll git wid 'em.
Don't like it dontcher take, here my collar come an' shake it.
WALTER Hambo, everybody in Orange County knows you love tuh fight. But dis is uh law hearin'—not no wrassle.
HAMBO
Oh you Methdis' niggers wants tuh fight bad enough, but youse skeered.
Youse jus' as hot as Tucker when de mule kicked his mammy. But you
know you got plenty coolers.
SISTER TAYLOR Aw, taint nobody skeered uh you half-pint Baptists. God knows Ahm ready an' willin'. (She glares at Mrs. Lewis.)
(Sister Lewis jumps to her feet but is pulled back into her seat.
Mayor Clarke raps for order and the room gets quiet.)
CLARKE
Aw right now, Simms. I God, git through.
SIMMS (pompously) Now, y'all done up an' took dis po' boy an' had him locked up in uh barn ever since Sat'day night an' done got him 'coused uh assault an' stealing uh turkey an' I don't know whut all an' you ain't got no business wid yo' hands on him stell. He ain't done no crime, an' if y'all knowed anything 'bout law, I wouldn't have tuh tell you so.
CLARKE
I God, he is done uh crime and he's gointer ketch it, too.
SIMMS But not by law, Brother Mayor. You tryin' tuh lay uh hearin' on dis boy an' you can't do it cause he ain't broke no law—I don't keer whut he done so long as he don't break no law you can't tetch him.
SINGLETARY
He committed assault, didn't he? Dat sho is breakin' de law.
SIMMS Naw, he ain't committed no 'sault. He jus' lammed Dave over de head an' took his own turkey an' come on home, dat's all. (triumphantly) Yuh see y'll don't knoww whut you talkin' 'bout. Now, I done set in de court house an' heard de white folks law from mornin' till night. (He flips his Bible shut.) I done read dis book from lid tuh lid an' I knows de law. You got tuh have uh weepon tuh commit uh 'sault. An' taint in no white folks law an taint in dis Bible dat no mule bone is no weapon. I
CLARKE (after a moment of dead silence) I God, whut's dat you say?
SIMMS (sitting down and crossing his legs and folding his hands upon his Bible) You heard me. I say you ain't got no case 'ginst dis boy an' you got tuh turn him go.
SINGLETARY (jumping up) Brother Chairman—
CLARKE (raps once and nods recognition) You got de floor.
SINGLETARY I ain't book-learnt an' I ain't rubbed de hair offen my head agin no college wall, but I know when uh 'sault been committed. I says Jim Weston did 'sault Davie. (He points at Dave's head.) An' steal his turkey. Everybody knows Jim can't hunt wid Dave. An' he 'saulted Dave too.
SIMMS (arrogantly) Prove it!
(Singletary stands there silent and puzzled. The Methodist side breaks into a triumphant shout of "Oh Mary, don't you weep, don't you moan, Pharaoh's army got drownded." Singletary sinks into his seat. When they have shouted out three choruses, Simms arises to speak.)
I move dat we sing doxology and bring dis meetin' to uh close. We'se all workin' people, Brother Mayor. Dismiss us so we kin gwan back to our work. De sun is two hours high yet. (looks towards the Methodist side) I move dat we adjourn.
WALTER
I second de motion.
SINGLETARY (arising slowly) Hold on there uh minute wid dat motion. Dis ain't no lodge meetin'. Dis is uh court an' bofe sides got uh right tuh talk. (motions towards Simms' Bible) Youse uh letter learnt man but I kin read dat Bible some too. Lemme take it uh minute.
SIMMS I ain't gointer do it. Any preacher dat amounts to uh hill uh beans would have his own Bible.
CLARKE
I God, Singletary, you right here in yo' own church. Come on up here
an' read out yo' pulpit Bible. I God, don't mind me being up here.
Come on up.
(A great buzzing breaks out all over the church as Singletary mounts the pulpit. Clarke raps for order. Simms begins to turn the leaves of the Bible.)
SIMMS Brother Mayor, you oughter let us outa here. You ain't got no case 'ginst dis boy. Don't waste our time for nothin'. Leave us go home.
CLARKE Aw, dry up, Simms. You done talked yo' talk. I God, leave Singletary talk his. (to Singletary) Step on out when you ready, Rev.
REV. SINGLETARY (Reading) It says here in Judges 18:18 dat Samson slewed three thousand [Note: corrected missing space] Philistines wid de jawbone of an ass.
SIMMS (on his feet) Yeah, but dis wasn't no ass. Dis was uh mule, Brother Mayor. Dismiss dis meetin' and less all go home.
SINGLETARY Yeah, but he was half-ass. A ass is uh mule's daddy and he's biggern uh ass, too. (emphatic gestures) Everybody knows dat—even de lil chillun.
SIMMS (standing) Yeah, but we didn't come here to talk about no asses, neither no half asses, nor no mule daddies. (laughter from de Methodists) We come to law uh boy for 'sault an' larceny.
SINGLETARY (very patiently) We'se comin' to dat pint now. Dat's de second claw uh de sentence wese expoundin'. I say Jim Weston did have uh weepon in his hand when he 'saulted Dave. Cause y'all knows if de daddy is dangerous, den de son is dangerous too. An' y'all knows dat de further back you gits on uh mule de more dangerous he gits an' if de jawbone slewed three thousand people, by de time you gits back tuh his hocks, its pizen enough tuh kill ten thousand. Taint no gun in de world ever kilt dat many mens. Taint no knives nor no razors ever kilt no three thousand people. Now, folkses, I ast y'all whut kin be mo' dangarous dan uh mule bone? (to Clarke) Brother Mayor, Jim didn't jes' lam Dave an walk off. (very emphatic) He 'saulted him wid de deadliest weepon there is in de world an' while he was layin' unconscious, he stole his turkey an' went. Brother Mayor, he's uh criminal an' oughter be run outa dis peaceful town.
(Great chorus of approval from Baptist Clarke begins to rap for order.)
SIMMS (attending) Brother Mayor, I object. I have studied jury and I know what I'm talkin' about.
CLARKE Aw dry up, Simms. Youse entirely out of order. You may be slick, but you kin stand another greasing. Rev. Singletary is right. I God, I knows de law when I hear it. Stand up dere, Jim.
(Jim rises very slowly. Simms rises also.)
CLARKE Set down, Simms. I God, I know where to find you when I want you. (Simms sits.) Jim, I find you guilty as charged an' I wants you to git outa my town and stay gone for two years. (to Lum) Brother Marshall, you see dat he gits outa town befo' dark. An' you folks dats so anxious to fight, git on off dis church grounds befo' you start. And don't use no knives and no guns and no mule bones. Court's dismissed.