"If you require anything in the toy line——"
"Yes, but what good are toys to a baby of four months? Do be reasonable."
"What was it you suggested? A sideboard and a cigar?"
"That was my idea. It may not be the best possible, but at least it is better than perfectly useless toys. You can always blow smoke in its face, or bump its head against the sideboard. Experto crede, if you have the Latin."
Whereupon with great dignity I made my way to the lift.
In the Sideboard Department I said: "I want a sideboard for a little girl of four months, and please don't call her 'IT.' I nearly had a row with one of your downstairs staff about that."
"I will try to be careful, sir," he replied. "What sort of a one?"
"Blue eyes, and not much hair, and really rather a sweet smile.... Was that what you wanted to know?"
"Thank you, sir. But I meant what sort of a sideboard?"
I took him confidentially by the arm.