Mrs. Jameson inquires, and very properly, whether “where woman is idle and useless by privilege of her sex, a divinity, and an idol, a victim, or a toy, her position is not quite as lamentable, as false, as injurious to herself, and to all social progress, as where she is the drudge, slave and possession of man?”
Another scene for the education of woman lies in circles for Conversation. This is a pre-eminent means, not only of pleasure, but of improvement. It is a quickener of the intellect, a purifier of the affections, and an instrument of heightening our spiritual aspirations. I doubt whether woman especially is not more indebted to this, than to all her other facilities, for mental and moral advancement.
But how shall it be made conducive to the highest possible good? It must be studied, as an art. A girl may as easily be taught to converse well, as to recite lessons in philosophy. Persons differ, in this talent, it is true, as regards fluency; but this is by no means essential to useful conversation. Good sense, a respectable education, and a pure heart, are the great requisitions. She who has these, cannot fail, with suitable efforts, of becoming agreeable and edifying in her discourse.
To give the utmost effect to your privileges in this respect, learn first the talent of listening to others. Never pass even a few moments with one skilled in this accomplishment, without earnest attention. You will thus not only gather knowledge, but observe how this great art may be practised. You will perceive that no affectation and no insincerity are needed to enable you to improve in this precious power. Simplicity, naturalness, a truthful air and manner are, indeed, more frequently the result of labor than their opposites. It is hard, in this world of artifice, to be perfectly artless.
To educate yourself in this talent, resolve, in the outset, to speak always from your own mind and your own heart. Nothing is more fatal to improvement than being the echo of other voices. Let your remarks be like the gentle stream from the hill-side, which spreads freshness and verdure on its banks. Better say a simple thing of your own than a wise one purloined from your neighbor. Regard this great principle, and you will grow in the gift of conversation, and you will also keep your soul unpolluted by guilt.
Adhere sacredly to the truth. Avoid exaggeration, the sin of the young and the ardent. Rather understate than exceed the facts of a case. This rule will save you from the two great vices of social intercourse, flattery, and detraction. It is right to tell another precisely what we think of his merits, if done discreetly. But to give him a better impression of our estimate of his character than the truth will warrant, is, although very common, a plain violation of the laws of God. Adhere to the truth, and you will always exhibit charity in your discourse. This central luminary will shine on your words with a noon-tide brightness. It will dispel the mists of scandal, and beautify, and write the law of kindness on, your lips.
Speak much of principles, and little of persons. You have enjoyed a good education, and why should you prefer the discussion of such beggarly topics as dress, or the private concerns of your neighbor, to those noble thoughts, which learning, morals, and religion, would always supply to your mind? Determine to carry with you childhood’s innocence, and angel love, and you will find the field of topics spread out before you an illimitable harvest of good fruits.
Make your Friendships a means of intellectual and moral improvement. God has graciously given us this boon, as a burnisher of our existence:
| “Nature, in zeal for human amity, Denies or damps an undivided joy. * * * Joy is an exchange; Joy flies monopolists; Delight intense is taken by rebound.” |
The friendships of woman, from her being gifted with strong affections, exert a peculiar influence on her character and destiny. Therefore is it, that a young lady should choose her intimate associates with care. Let it not be accident, still less unhallowed gratifications, prejudice, pride, passion, folly, which form the basis of this holy structure. Where our friends can be selected, they should be those of attainments superior to our own, of pure principles, and virtuous habits.