I do not deny that a female has a right, and ought, to repel all improper liberties, and to shew those, who are unduly familiar, that she can assume, at fit times, a little dignity. But need one, in doing this, build round herself a wall of ice? Shall she, through fear of seeming fond and forward, put on an eternal frown? In avoiding French freedom, we often substitute an Anglo-American prudery. The slightest compliment is interpreted as flattery, so that the remarker must do violence to his honest convictions, lest he offend an ever-suspicious, maidenly, pride.
The true medium between boldness and a chilling reserve may not be easily attained; yet it is worth years of effort, even to approximate this happy manner. There are women, who can invite to easy and pleasant conversation, and yet repel the most trivial impropriety in a gentleman. I could wish that our female writers, in their minute directions to the young of their sex, had recommended this desirable medium, instead of teaching them to regard themselves as always acting on the defensive. Can a lady never accept a present from a gentleman, without so doing it as to encourage his particular attentions? Does she, by consenting to walk, or ride with one, bind herself to him for life, or invite his addresses, as a suitor?
But let a young woman resolve, that, while she receives the ordinary marks of courtesy with readiness, she will not allow herself to infer that they signify every thing. If the remark of Lord Bacon be correct in general, that “women, when young, are the idols of men,” the reverse of it is not seldom true. A companion for the evening is invested with imaginary dispositions, and she, who ought to have exercised her judgment, and waited for decisive tokens of favor, is captivated without the least intention on the part of her fancied lover.
It is certainly desirable that a young lady be acquainted, and that somewhat particularly, with a variety of gentlemen. Thus only can she be qualified to discriminate between the undeserving, the indifferent, and the excellent. How else can you know the indications of those who undervalue your sex in general, the worthless, gay, and unprincipled, and guard against their influence? There are those, who delight in making sport of an inexperienced female. To understand the traits of such, you must sometime have met with them. But be sure you never place yourself in the power of an individual of this character, or of one, whose principles and designs you suspect. If you doubt the purity of any one who seeks your society frequently, consult a friend older or wiser than yourself; and abide by the judgment of disinterested observers.
There are instances, in which a young woman is brought into the society of the other sex, by her Brothers. This sometimes exposes one to mistake the civilities of friendship, for manifestations of love. Thus situated, you ought to take special heed against those romantic ideas, and premature inclinations, that spring from passion and fancy. Here as at all times, the advice of a judicious brother, before whom those of his own sex are accustomed completely to disclose their true character, should be sought and prized. Do not permit yourself to indulge a predilection for one, against whom, as a companion for life, so near a relative and friend has warned you.
XI.
First Love.
What is love? The first, the only all-pervading. Petrarch and Laura. “Love-matches.” Self-oblivion indicates true love. Proofs of one’s being affected by this sentiment. Shakspeare’s description of a lover. Jealousy and Timidity indicate love. Overtures. Unrequited love. Rejection of Addresses.