Oh, Mr. Gilhooley he turned up his toes,
As most of us do, soon or late;
And Jones was a lawyer, as everyone knows,
So they took him Gilhooley's Estate.
Gilhooley in life had been living so free
'Twas thought his possessions were great,
So Jones, with a smile, says, “There's many a fee
For me in Gilhooley's Estate.”
They made out a list of his property fine,
It totalled a thousand-and-eight;
But the debts were nine hundred and ninety and nine—
The debts of Gilhooley's Estate.
So Mrs. Gilhooley says, “Jones, my dear man,
My childer have little to ait:
Just keep the expenses as low as you can
Against poor Gilhooley's Estate.”
But Jones says, “The will isn't clear in its terms,
I fear it will need some debate,
And the law won't allow me (attorneys are worms)
To appear in Gilhooley's Estate.”
So a barrister-man, with a wig on his head,
And a brief in his hand quite elate,
Went up to the Court where they bury the dead,
Just to move in Gilhooley's Estate.
But his Honor the Judge said, “I think that the joint
Legatees must be called to probate—
Ex parte Pokehorney is clear on the point—
The point of Gilhooley's Estate.
“I order a suit to be brought just to try
If this is correct that I state—
A nice friendly suit, and the costs, by and by,
Must be borne by Gilhooley's Estate.”
So Mrs. Gilhooley says, “Jones, you'll appear!
Thim barristers' fees is too great;
The suit is but friendly.” “Attorneys, my dear,
Can't be heard in Gilhooley's Estate.”
From the Barristers' Court there's a mighty hurrah
Arises both early and late:
It's only the whoop of the Junior Bar
Dividing Gilhooley's Estate.
The Road to Hogan's Gap
Now look, you see, it's this way like,
You cross the broken bridge
And run the crick down till you strike
The second right-hand ridge.
The track is hard to see in parts,
But still it's pretty clear;
There's been two Injin hawkers' carts
Along that road this year.
Well, run that right-hand ridge along—
It ain't, to say, too steep—
There's two fresh tracks might put you wrong
Where blokes went out with sheep.
But keep the crick upon your right,
And follow pretty straight
Along the spur, until you sight
A wire and sapling gate.
Well, that's where Hogan's old grey mare
Fell off and broke her back;
You'll see her carcase layin' there,
Jist down below the track.
And then you drop two mile, or three,
It's pretty steep and blind;
You want to go and fall a tree
And tie it on behind.
And then you pass a broken cart
Below a granite bluff;
And that is where you strike the part
They reckon pretty rough.
But by the time you've got that far
It's either cure or kill,
So turn your horses round the spur
And face 'em up the hill.
For look, if you should miss the slope
And get below the track,
You haven't got the whitest hope
Of ever gettin' back.
An' half way up you'll see the hide
Of Hogan's brindled bull;
Well, mind and keep the right-hand side,
The left's too steep a pull.
And both the banks is full of cracks;
An' just about at dark
You'll see the last year's bullock tracks
Where Hogan drew the bark.
The marks is old and pretty faint
And grown with scrub and such;
Of course the track to Hogan's ain't
A road that's travelled much.
But turn and run the tracks along
For half a mile or more,
And then, of course, you can't go wrong—
You're right at Hogan's door.
When first you come to Hogan's gate
He mightn't show, perhaps;
He's pretty sure to plant and wait
To see it ain't the traps.
I wouldn't call it good enough
To let your horses out;
There's some that's pretty extra rough
Is livin' round about.
It's likely if your horses did
Get feedin' near the track,
It's goin' to cost at least a quid
Or more to get them back.
So, if you find they're off the place,
It's up to you to go
And flash a quid in Hogan's face—
He'll know the blokes that know.
But listen, if you're feelin' dry,
Just see there's no one near,
And go and wink the other eye
And ask for ginger beer.
The blokes come in from near and far
To sample Hogan's pop;
They reckon once they breast the bar
They stay there till they drop.
On Sundays you can see them spread
Like flies around the tap.
It's like that song “The Livin' Dead”
Up there at Hogan's Gap.
They like to make it pretty strong
Whenever there's a charnce;
So when a stranger comes along
They always holds a darnce.
There's recitations, songs, and fights—
A willin' lot you'll meet.
There's one long bloke up there recites,
I tell you—he's a treat.
They're lively blokes all right up there,
It's never dull a day.
I'd go meself if I could spare
The time to get away.
. . . . .
The stranger turned his horses quick.
He didn't cross the bridge;
He didn't go along the crick
To strike the second ridge;
He didn't make the trip, because
He wasn't feeling fit.
His business up at Hogan's was
To serve him with a writ.
He reckoned if he faced the pull
And climbed the rocky stair,
The next to come might find his hide
A land-mark on the mountain side,
Along with Hogan's brindled bull
And Hogan's old grey mare!
A Singer of the Bush
There is waving of grass in the breeze
And a song in the air,
And a murmur of myriad bees
That toil everywhere.
There is scent in the blossom and bough,
And the breath of the Spring
Is as soft as a kiss on a brow—
And Spring-time I sing.
There is drought on the land, and the stock
Tumble down in their tracks
Or follow—a tottering flock—
The scrub-cutter's axe.
While ever a creature survives
The axes shall swing;
We are fighting with fate for their lives—
And the combat I sing.
“Shouting” for a Camel
It was over at Coolgardie that a mining speculator,
Who was going down the township just to make a bit o' chink,
Went off to hire a camel from a camel propagator,
And the Afghan said he'd lend it if he'd stand the beast a drink.
Yes, the only price he asked him was to stand the beast a drink.
He was cheap, very cheap, as the dromedaries go.
So the mining speculator made the bargain, proudly thinking
He had bested old Mahomet, he had done him in the eye.
Then he clambered on the camel, and the while the beast was drinking
He explained with satisfaction to the miners standing by
That 'twas cheap, very cheap, as the dromedaries go.
But the camel kept on drinking and he filled his hold with water,
And the more he had inside him yet the more he seemed to need;
For he drank it by the gallon, and his girths grew taut and tauter,
And the miners muttered softly, “Yes, he's very dry indeed!
But he's cheap, very cheap, as the dromedaries go.”
So he drank up twenty buckets—it was weird to watch him suck it,
(And the market price for water was per bucket half-a-crown)
Till the speculator stopped him, saying, “Not another bucket—
If I give him any more there'll be a famine in the town.
Take him back to old Mahomet, and I'll tramp it through the town.”
He was cheap, very cheap, as the speculators go.
There's a moral to this story—in your hat you ought to paste it,
Be careful whom you shout for when a camel is about,
And there's plenty human camels who, before they'll see you waste it,
Will drink up all you pay for if you're fool enough to shout;
If you chance to strike a camel when you're fool enough to shout,
You'll be cheap, very cheap, as the speculators go.