As the shades of evening began to fall over the tropics, three persons, Monsieur Figaro, a Frenchman; Mr. Hawes, an Englishman; and I, John Smith, Esq., an Americo-Caucasian, wended their way down a street of Panama, with the intention of taking a small boat at the beach, and returning to the steamer Nevada.
Now, at the lower end of this street, near the archway in the city’s wall, affording an outlet to the beach, there is a certain saloon with the alluring name of “Oregonian Shades.” The proprietor is an intelligent native, about the color of new leather who speaks both Spanish and English.
When we had come over to Panama, that morning, there was in “our crowd” a humorous and witty passenger named Briggs; but, in the course of the day, we had lost sight of him, and I just glanced in at the “Oregonian Shades,” as we passed, deeming it possible that he might be there; and hoping for the pleasure of his company, together with that of my French and English friends, to the steamer. Mr. Briggs was not there; but there was within a lady passenger of the Nevada, who was one of the most remarkable persons I ever met. This lady, whose husband was also a passenger, was about twenty-eight years old, five feet four inches high, and weighed two hundred and ten pounds. Her width may be imagined. To add that she was inclined to embonpoint, would be rather mild language. She was obviously of Irish birth and parentage: but whatever I may have occasion to say, of her personal merits or demerits, must not be construed into any invidious insinuations against her nationality, for I am not prejudiced against the Irish, but rather in their favor, claiming that, everything fairly considered, they possess as many noble traits as any other people.
This corpulent lady was not, I regret to say, in a rational mood. She had visited Panama early in the day, in the company of her husband—a big, ill-looking, muscular American—who had become intoxicated during the day and basely deserted her. His name was Philip—somebody—and he was termed “Pheel” by the lady in question, whose accent was peculiar. When I have stated that Mrs. “Pheel,” however temperate, was not of the total abstinence “stripe,” but rather given to the moderate use of aqueous stimulus, and that she had not departed a hair’s breadth from her principles on the day in question, I think that the intelligent reader will not fail to comprehend the true state of things.
“Hombre,” said I, addressing the proprietor of the Oregonian Shades, as I looked in, “have you seen the gentleman with side-whiskers who was in here with us to-day, and whom we called Briggs?”
“Not since two o’clock,” replied Hombre.
At this moment Mrs. “Pheel” started up from her seat like one excited.
“Hov ye seen Pheel?” she eagerly asked.
“I have not, madam,” I replied.
“Och, he’s lift me!” she exclaimed, throwing herself back into her seat, and dropping two of five bundles of goods she had been buying.