8. Worked on an essay for the Society tonight, also on a composition for the Board, to be criticized. Eve, met with the Excelsior Society and entered upon the duties of secretary. There being few present, all other exercises were dispensed with but a general discussion on the subject, Is Force More Effectual in Government than Persuasion. I took the negative. Mr. W. Diefendorf also spoke on the negative. The vote was almost unanimous for the negative.
15. A. M., recitations as usual. P. M., prepared for Society. Rained all afternoon and evening. No Excelsior meeting. Visited the Philo Society. Participated in general discussion on the following question: Is the Fear of Punishment a Greater Incentive to Exertion than the Hope of Reward? Spoke on the negative. Large majority in our favor on the final vote.
July 5, 1877. Met at half-past nine in the Bethel. After a profitable season of prayer, reading the Word, testifying, etc., I presented myself at the altar to seek entire sanctification. I enjoyed that blessing ten years ago, but I had all this time repudiated the second work and accounted for the wonderful change that God had wrought in me at that time to my yielding to the call to preach the blessed gospel of Jesus, after being disobedient. I had often been disgusted, too, with the fanaticism I saw mixed with the professors of the second work; it had steeped me with prejudice through and through.
Though I could not deny that the experience of these people was in perfect harmony with my own, yet I strongly opposed their views, claiming that God does not do his work by piecemeal, but that he makes a full and complete finish of it at once. I attributed the second experience to the fact that after conversion we are weak infants and not able to carry into action the pure nature that God has given us until we grow to that degree of strength that we can successfully cope with outer temptation, and that holy nature given to us in regeneration reaches a degree of development in strength that it will no more be under subjection to sin in the world around us.
Thus, while I did not doubt the truthfulness of their testimony. I thought I comprehended the whole matter and saw the slight mistake, as I supposed, in the basis of their experience.
But God having let Father and Mother Keller and the whole family into this glorious experience, with my dear companion, I began to search the Scriptures anew to see if I might not be mistaken myself. I carefully reviewed my conversion and recollected that I sought and asked of God only pardon of my past sins and relief from my past guilt. That in ten years labor, in which some seven hundred souls came to Christ, I never knew one to seek for anything else but pardon for actual transgression; and it is a fact that we do not ask of God that which we have not apprehended the need of, and God does not give until we ask for a thing.
Moreover, it is claimed that justification is not a partial but complete work of itself, and sanctification, i. e., purification, another. Since seeing every day the change in my dear wife I thought I was beyond doubt of this second work. But, ah, the devil is rallying his forces against me. Am I making a fool of myself coming out here where I have invited and labored with sinners? My old arguments would come up and I had powerful temptations to settle back upon them and forever repudiate the second work. I obtained no light.
P. M. We met at half-past two and held meeting till nearly five. I labored at the altar. At night after Brother Burlison read a Scripture lesson and talked for some time on holiness, we all bowed around the altar; but I could do nothing, all was dark. I came here fully believing in a second work of God in the soul; but now, as I attempt to seek it, how thick the temptations of Satan come up before me! how all my old arguments and objections gather like rubbish, obstructing the light! Sometimes I was about to conclude that this was all foolishness. I was ashamed to bow at the altar and seek sanctification of "soul, body, and spirit" after I had invited sinners to and labored with them at the same altar.
6. Arose early this morning and searched the Scriptures and asked God for light. I noticed whenever I felt resigned to God and was willing to make any sacrifice to know the truth I was strongly impressed to seek sanctification.
This morn I was directed to 1 Pet. 5:10 and Eph. 3:14-20. Light is becoming brighter in the Word. Thank God. Met at half-past nine. The foundation of faith was now becoming strong in me. I arose and read some portions of the Word and boldly declared my faith in the second work, and that I was resting in the promises of God to my entire sanctification. Met again, at 2:30 P. M., having spent most of the interval in searching my heart, and truly I found that it has not been as good as I before supposed. Oh how much self there has been in all my past labors! God of power, kill and cast out all of self. I reviewed my observations of the past ten years' labor. About seven hundred souls I have observed seeking salvation, and I can not recall any who did not definitely seek for justification from past sins. It appears that the condemned sinner can think of nothing else and does not possess a capacity to grasp the idea that God is able to destroy all evil in depraved humanity. "God, forgive my past sins and help me in the future to keep from sin," is about as great a blessing as the mind beclouded by guilt can conceive and ask for. With a still more deep and fervent consecration I again sought the blessing of perfect holiness. Glory to God, I was able to claim the blessing by faith, though yet without the anointing of power. After meeting I spent most of the time talking holiness to several brethren, which I felt was pleasing to God.