Now they try to imploy the son in the shop, who delights in no less melody then the tune of that song: letting slip no occasion that he can meet with to get out of the shop; and shew himself, with all diligence, willing to be a Labourer in the Tennis Court, or at the Bilyard Table; and is not ashamed, if there be hasty work, in the evening, to tarry there till it be past eleven of the clock. What a pleasure this vigilance is to the Father and Mother, those that have experience know best. Especially when they in the morning call their son to confession, and between Anger and Love catechize him with severall natural and kind reproofs.
'Tis but labour lost, and ill whistling, if the horse won't drink. What remedy? turn it, and wind it so as you will.
The son his mind to study is full bent,
Or else will live upon his yearly rent.
Here must be a counsell held by wisdom, prudence, love and patience. Here also the imaginations of incapableness or want of monies must be conquered; for to constrain a son to that he hath no mind to, is the ready way to dull his genious, and perhaps bring him to what is worser, to wit, running after whores or Gaming. And to teach him how to live upon his yearly means, the tools are too damn'd costly. So that now the Parents have true experience of the old Proverb.
The Children in their youth, oft make their Parents smart,
Being come to riper years, they vex their very heart.
Nevertheless, after you have turn'd it and wound it so as you will, the sending of him to the University of Oxford bears the sway; and there to let him study Theology being the modestest Faculty, by one of the learnedst and famousest Doctors. And verily, he goes forward so nobly, that, in few months, before he half knows the needfull Philosophy, he is found to be a Master of Arts in Villany. And moreover, the Parents were by some good friends informed, that lately he was acting the domineering student, and being catcht by the watch, was brought into the Court of Guard; but through the extraordinary intercession of his own and some other Doctors, they privately let him go out again.
A little longer time being expired, he sends Post upon Post dunning letters; his quarter of the years out, his Pockets empty, and the Landlady wants mony; besides there are severall other things that he wants, both of Linnen and Woollen; all which things yield an extraordinary Pleasure, especially, if the mony which is sent, without suffring shipwrack, be imploied and laid out for those necessaries.
For some students are so deeply learnt, that they consume the monies they get in mirth and jovialty, and leave their Landladies, Booksellers, Tailors, Shoomakers, and all whom they are indebted to, unpaid. Nay, his own Cousin, that studied at Cambridge, knew very learnedly how to make a cleaver dispatch, with his Pot-Companions, at Gutterlane, of all the mony that was sent him by his Parents, for his promotion; and under the covert of many well studied lies desired more.
But who knows, what wonderfull students tricks, before he is half so perfect, your son will have learnt, to make his Father and Mother merry with; for, as I have heard, he hath gotten so much aquaintance, that he hath the Bookseller to be his friend, who sets down the prizes of the Books he delivers, three times as much again as they are worth; and for the overplus, he, with some other students, are bravely merry together.
Yea, he's come so far himself, that he doth, to get mony, know how to sell his best Authors; and sets in place of them some Blocks very neatly cut and coloured like gallant Books. And if any one comes that will lay their hands upon them; he saith immediately, eat, drink, smoke and be merry to your hearts content; but whatsoever you do, touch not my books; for that's as a Medean Law and an inviolable statute in my Chamber; as it doth, to the same purpose, stand written thus before my Chamber of Books: