DETAILED CONTENTS.
The Author's Advertisement Of His Novel
BOOK I.
Of George.
I. Excursions In A Garden
II. Excursions In Melancholy
III. Upon Modesty In Art: And Should Be Skipped
IV. Excursions In A Hospital
V. Upon Life: And May Be Missed
VI. Magnificent Arrival Of A Heroine
VII. Moving Passages With A Heroine
VIII. Astonishing After-Effects Of A Heroine
BOOK II.
Of his Mary.
I. Excursions In The Memory Of A Heroine
II. Excursions In Vulgarity
III. Excursions In The Mind Of A Heroine
IV. Excursions In A Nursery
V. Excursions At A Dinner-Table
BOOK III.
Of Glimpses at a Period of this History: Of Love and of War.
I. Notes On The Building Of Bridges
II. Excursions Beneath The Bridge
III. Excursions In Love
IV. Events And Sentiment Mixed In A Letter
V. Beefsteak For 14 Palace Gardens
VI. A Cab For 14 Palace Gardens
BOOK IV.
In which this History begins to rattle.
I. The Author Meanders Upon The Enduring Hills; And The Reader Will
Lose Nothing By Not Accompanying Him
II. An Exquisite Balcony Scene; And Something About Sausages
III. Alarums And Excursions By Night
IV. Mr. Marrapit Takes A Nice Warm Bath
V. Miss Porter Swallows A Particularly Large Sweet
VI. The Girl Comes Near The Lugger
BOOK V.
Of Mr. Marrapit upon the Rack: Of George in Torment.
I. Prosiness Upon Events: So Uneventful That It Should Be Skipped
II. Margaret Fishes; Mary Prays
III. Barley Water For Mr. Marrapit
IV. The Rape Of The Rose
V. Horror At Herons' Holt
VI. A Detective At Herons' Holt
VII. Terror At Dippleford Admiral
VIII. Panic At Dippleford Admiral
IX. Disaster At Temple Colney
BOOK VI.
Of Paradise Lost and Found.
I. Mrs. Major Bids For Paradise
II. Mrs. Major Finds The Lock
III. Mrs. Major Gets The Key
IV. George Has A Shot At Paradise
V. Of Twin Cats: Of Ananias And Of Sapphira
VI. Agony In Meath Street
VII. Mr. William Wyvern In Meath Street
VIII. Abishag The Shunamite In Meath Street
IX. Excursions In A Newspaper Office
X. A Perfectly Splendid Chapter
Last Shots from the Bridge
THE AUTHOR'S ADVERTISEMENT OF HIS NOVEL.
This book has its title from that dashing sentiment, “Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine!” It is not to be read by those who in their novels would have the entertainment of characters that are brilliant or wealthy, noble of birth or admirable of spirit. Such have no place in this history. There is a single canon of novel-writing that we have sedulously kept before us in making this history, and that is the law which instructs the novelist to treat only of the manner of persons with whom he is well acquainted. Hence our characters are commonplace folks. We have the acquaintance of none other than commonplace persons, because none other than commonplace persons will have acquaintance with us.
And there are no problems in this history, nor is the reader to be tickled by any risks taken with nice deportment. This history may be kept upon shelves that are easily accessible. It is true that you will be invited to spend something of a night in a lady's bedroom, but the matter is carried through with circumspection and dispatch. There shall not be a blush.
Now, it is our purpose in this advertisement so clearly to give you the manner of our novel that without further waste of time you may forego the task of reading so little as a single chapter if you consider that manner likely to distress you. Hence something must be said touching the style.
We cannot see (to make a start) that the listener or the reader of a story should alone have the right to fidget as he listens or reads; to come and go at his pleasure; to interrupt at his convenience. Something of these privileges should be shared by the narrator; and in this history we have taken them. You may swing your legs or divert your attention as you read; but we too must be permitted to swing our legs and slide off upon matters that interest us, and that indirectly are relevant to the history. Life is not compounded solely of action. One cannot rush breathless from hour to hour. And, since the novel aims to ape life, the reader, if the aim be true, cannot rush breathless from page to page. We can at least warrant him he will not here.
These are the limitations of our history; and we admit them to be considerable. Upon the other hand, the print is beautifully clear.