"Then, sir, why have you put me to all this trouble! I've lost a whole morning going over your things and telling you about them. When you make up your mind to sell, let me know. This pile of trash you can burn, or you can sell it to the old-paper man. You might get twenty-five cents for the lot. Perhaps you might give a few of those worthless pamphlets to me. You've taken up enough of my time."
"The lot will cost thee two dollars, Doctor."
"All right. Give me a receipt. This is the last time I'll give free advice to anyone! Particularly a Quaker!"
When Mr. Welford "looked around" he discovered that the beautifully bound sermons, eulogies, prayer-books and catechisms were worth next to nothing. He almost passed away when a kind friend told him that Poor Richard's Almanac was worth a thousand dollars.
Another amiable acquaintance cheerfully imparted the information that the scandalous pamphlet about the First Proprietor of Pennsylvania was valued at ten shares of Pennsylvania Railroad stock. At hearing this good news, he put on his gray hat and started full of righteous indignation to interview the lucky purchaser.
"Don't swear, Mr. Welford. That's not becoming one of your persuasion."
"Thou—thou—"
"Don't choke and splutter so. It's bad for the heart."
"Thee told me those big books of sermons were valuable. They're not worth the paper they're written on!"
"Now, you're becoming sacrilegious!"