How to become an actor

by Aaron A. Warford

Mrs. S. How did it happen, Billy? What hurt him?

Billy. Youse see, he borrowed de meat-knife to clean his nails with. He soon got tired ob dat, an’ thought dat he would carve his monogram on de stern ob his father’s mule. He tried it! De mule braced right up—whoosh!—bang!—Edwardo lived in Boston, an’ dey picked him up in New Orleans.

Mrs. S. Too bad. How is the cow, Billy?

Billy. What, de ole cow dat you an’ me used to ride bareback on?

Mrs. S. That’s the one.

Billy. Ki, didn’t we have fun?

Mrs. S. Lots.

Billy. ’Member how I used to grab hold ob her tail an’ try fo’ to steer her? Golly, dat was fun.

Mrs. S. You and I used to be great friends.

Billy. Yes, indeedy. I’d neber steal a piece ob sponge-cake widout I’d lay it on you; we used to slide up hill togedder, play rock on a duck, shinny on you own side, let her fly, an’ all de other games. Tell you what, youse folks were powerful disappointed, cos I wouldn’t hab youse.