I have not yet received your promised letter; but I hope it may be long in proportion to the time I have been expecting it. The packet has been delayed by head-winds, but now that they are fair she will have a quick passage; at least such I wish it. Adieu, encore.
THEODOSIA.
JOSEPH ALSTON TO THEODOSIA BURR.
Charleston, S. C. December 28th, 1800.
Aristotle says "that a man should not marry before he is six-and-thirty:" pray, Mr. Alston, what arguments have you to oppose to such authority? Hear me, Miss Burr.
It has always been my practice, whether from a natural independence of mind, from pride, or what other cause I will not pretend to say, never to adopt the opinion of any one, however respectable his authority, unless thoroughly convinced by his arguments; the "ipse dixit," as logicians term it, even of Cicero, who stands higher in my estimation than any other author, would not have the least weight with me; you must therefore, till you offer better reasons in support of his opinion than the Grecian sage himself has done, excuse my differing from him.
Objections to early marriages can rationally only arise from want of discretion or want of fortune in the parties; now, as you very well observe, the age of discretion is wholly uncertain, some men reaching it at twenty, others at thirty, some again not till fifty, and many not at all; of course, to fix such or such a period as the proper one for marrying, is ridiculous. Even the want of fortune is to be considered differently, according to the country where the marriage is to take place; for though in some places a fortune is absolutely necessary to a man before he marries, there are others, as in the eastern states for example, where he marries expressly for the purpose of making a fortune.
But, allowing both these objections their full force, may there not be a single case that they do not reach? Suppose (for instance, merely) a young man nearly two-and-twenty, already of the greatest discretion, with an ample fortune, were to be passionately in love with a young lady almost eighteen, equally discreet with himself, and who had a "sincere friendship" for him, do you think it would be necessary to make him wait till thirty? particularly where the friends on both sides were pleased with the match.
Were I to consider the question personally, since you allow that "individual character" ought to be consulted, no objection clearly could be made to my marrying early.
From my father's plan of education for me, I may properly be called a hot-bed plant. Introduced from my infancy into the society of men, while yet a boy I was accustomed to think and act like a man. On every occasion, however important, I was left to decide for myself; I do not recollect a single instance where I was controlled even by advice; for it was my father's invariable maxim, that the best way of strengthening the judgment was to suffer it to be constantly exercised. Before seventeen I finished my college education; before twenty I was admitted to the bar. Since that time I have been constantly travelling through different parts of the United States; to what purpose I leave you to determine.