Mine dear Fritz,—Your advice ven I take,
Und I try dot goot beace talk to shtart,
Den dose fellers all call it a fake,
For dey say it don't come from mine heart;
Vat's de ting to do next, I don't know,
Mit dose bull-headed English und French,
Dey shoost tink dey're de whole of de show
Since they pounded us oudt of some trench.
Dey are licking us now britty fast,
Like I nefer could tink dey vill do,
Mit beeg guns dey now haf us out-classed,
Und mit airships und teufel tanks too.
Ve must all de hard hammering take
For dose Bulgars und Turks vas no goot,
Seems like now von beeg blunder ve make
Und de game ve haf not undershtoodt.
Ven ve tink ve vill get some more oil,
Und de oats, und potatoes, and meat,
All dose tings de Roumanians shpoil
Shoost so soon as ve make dem redreat;
Und mine shlack brudder, Tino of Greece,
He gets batted all ofer der ground,
Ven he shtrikes he goes oudt on first base,
Und makes nefer de run all around.
Britty soon, Fritz, ve someting must do,
Or already ve all vill be killed,
For dose English haf put on de screw
Und our stomachs are nefer half filled.
Vat you tink of dis plan, mine dear Fritz,
In mine head dat already I get,
Dat I take back again Von Tirpitz,
Und Herr Teufel in partnership yet?
FRITZ WARNS THE KAISER
Mine dear Kaiser,—Dose tings vas a fake,
Ven you shtart oop dat untersea show
Und already a pardnership make
Mit Von Tirpitz, Von Teufel and Co.
Ven de try dis same game vonce pefore,
Soon ve lose all dose subs dat ve had,
Und dis time ve vill lose dem some more,
For now even dose Yanks haf got mad.
Some advice I vould give to you yet,
(It vill shoost take a minute or two,)
Call dose subs all in oudt of de vet,
Dat's already de best ting to do.
You may tink dat old Fritz is a fool,
Und haf maype some axes to grind,
But dose tings dat he learned oudt of school,
Dey vill pring de improvement of mind.
Since dat day I vas brisoner took,
Und I hafn't got notting to do,
Den I read all dose bapers und book,
Und write maybe a letter or two,
Dere's some tings I already find oudt
Dat de Faderland bapers von't tell,
How dose English, like leetle Hans Shtout,
Haf de pussy cat pulled from de vell.