“Why, my dear sir,” replied Mr. Lincoln blandly, “I couldn’t think of such a thing; if I considered individual cases, I should find work enough for twenty Presidents!”
“But,” said the persevering sufferer, “couldn’t you just give me a line to Colonel —— about it? Just one line?”
“Ha, ha, ha!” responded Old Abe, “you remind me of old Jock Chase, out in Illinois.”
At this announcement the crowd huddled forward to listen.
“You see, Jock, I knew him like a brother—used to be a lumberman on the Illinois, and he was steady and sober, and the best raftsman on the river. It was quite a trick twenty-five years ago to take the logs over the rapids, but he was skilful with a raft and always kept her straight in the channel. Finally a steamboat was put on, and Jock—he’s now dead, poor fellow!—was made a captain of her. He was always used to take the the wheel, going through the rapids. One day, when the boat was plunging and wallowing along the boiling current, and Jock’s utmost vigilance was being exercised to keep her in the narrow channel, a boy pulled his coat-tail and hailed him with, ‘Stay, Mister Captain! I wish you’d jest stop your boat a minute—I have lost my apple overboard!’”
A Liar.
“I don’t believe him,” said Lincoln, on reading a dispatch from one of his generals; “he is the most notorious liar I ever knew. I have seen him with lies swarming all around him as thick as flies round a horse in autumn.”
Strong Pills.
“Those pills of Brandredth’s,” said Abe, “are very powerful. I knew a man out west who used to blast rocks with them; and, if thrown into the crater of Ætna, they would stop the bile” (boil).