"Sir, I give you fair warning never to show your face in this room again. I can bear censure, but not insult. I never wish to see your face again."
STORIES BETTER THAN DOCTORS
A gentleman, visiting a hospital at Washington, heard an occupant of one of the beds laughing and talking about the President, who had been there a short time before and gladdened the wounded with some of his stories. The soldier seemed in such good spirits that the gentleman inquired:
"You must be very slightly wounded?"
"Yes," replied the brave fellow, "very slightly—I have only lost one leg, and I'd be glad enough to lose the other, if I could hear some more of 'Old Abe's' stories."
"ALL SICKER'N YOUR MAN"
A Commissioner to the Hawaiian Islands was to be appointed, and eight applicants had filed their papers, when a delegation from the South appeared at the White House on behalf of a ninth. Not only was their man fit—so the delegation urged—but was also in bad health, and a residence in that balmy climate would be of great benefit to him.
The President was rather impatient that day, and before the members of the delegation had fairly started in, suddenly closed the interview with this remark:
"Gentlemen, I am sorry to say that there are eight other applicants for that place, and they are all 'sicker'n' your man."