'But I had not been a courtier long enough to appreciate the full force of Lady Sarah's arguments. My life at Whitehall had done me no good. I did things now which would have horrified me to see done by others six months before. I was becoming used to the selfishness, the scheming, and the want of principle shown by nearly every one around me; but I had never yet told a deliberate lie, nor allowed one to be told in my name. So I refused Lady Sarah's proposal again very decidedly, feeling hotly indignant that she should think me capable of the amount of deceit and treachery which the plan she proposed would imply. She only laughed at my anger, however, and protested that a page who never told a lie was a being who had never existed; that falsehood came as naturally to him as doubling and winding to a coursed hare, and was quite as necessary to his security.
'"As necessary as listening behind doorways to ladies of honour," said I, unable to resist giving vent to a suspicion which had flashed into my mind at the beginning of our conversation. In what way but by eavesdropping could Lady Sarah have obtained such an intimate knowledge of all Lady Dalrymple had said to me in the oratory?
'"Well, sir," she replied very coolly, though perhaps there was a shade more of red in her cheeks than before, "if I had not happened to overhear some of that interesting discourse this morning, how should I have been able to help you out of your difficulties to-night? You would never have told me your secret of your own accord."
'I involuntarily shook my head, and then, with a great effort to keep my temper, said, "I can't see why you should care to help me, madam. If you really do, I thank you; but I cannot do as you would have me, so I must manage this business as best I can. I know I have very little chance with the Queen, but I must try."
'"As you like it," replied Her Ladyship, shrugging her shoulders, and laughing a disagreeable little laugh. "You refuse my assistance, and imagine you can win a grace from Her Majesty by your own diplomatic talents! We shall see."
'"We shall see," I repeated mechanically, as I closed the door and walked away, after an elaborate farewell salutation to Lady Sarah; but I felt more down-hearted and uncertain what course to pursue than ever. I paced slowly along the corridor, pondering on Lady Sarah's proposal, so very strange and so unlooked-for from her, when suddenly an idea darted into my mind that directly threw a light on her meaning. Of course she was scheming to prevent my appeal to the Queen. Her policy was to send me out of the way for the present, until she could in some way contrive to render my petition useless, or perhaps put a stop to my presenting it altogether. Why had I been so dull as not to think of this before? For, as I said just now, Lady Sarah was one of the very persons for whose benefit these cruel ransoms were to be extorted. What was to be done? She had failed, to be sure, in baiting properly the first little trap she had laid for me; but there were many ether ways, of course, in which she might easily manage to thwart me.
'Why had I not followed my first impulse, and gone at once to the Queen in a straightforward manner? Why had I allowed Hal to persuade me for a moment that the crooked path could ever be the best? But, after all, why should I not take the straight path now? It seemed to me, without doubt the only thing to be done under the circumstances, and I resolved to do it. I would go to the Queen directly, without waiting for the next chance opportunity, and tell her my story before Lady Sarah should have time to stand between us. Yes, happen what might, I determined to make my petition without any more delay, with the forlorn hope that Her Majesty's pity and kind-heartedness might grant it in spite of my unlucky piece of misconduct. I had been pausing on the staircase while I turned these things over in my mind, and, having settled at last what my course of action was to be, my spirits suddenly rose to such a pitch that I felt it necessary to work them off by indulging in a slide down the bannisters (at home I very seldom went down-stairs in any other way, unless there was a chance of meeting Lady Mountfort, or Father Freeling); but, since my Court life began, opportunities did not come as often as I could have wished. However, here was an excellent one! For once in a way not a soul was in sight, above or below, so up I vaulted, and shot down to the first landing-place like lightning. But oh! what were my feelings, when, just as I started on my second journey, the Queen herself suddenly emerged from a passage, and advanced towards the foot of the stairs! One desperate attempt I made to stop myself, but only succeeded in giving my pace such an impetus, that I barely escaped charging straight into Her Majesty's arms. It seemed to me that I certainly was the very unluckiest person in Christendom. Just at this particular time, when it was so especially important to me to be in the Queen's good graces, who but I could have contrived to offend her twice in the same evening? I glanced nervously at her face, which showed plainly enough that she was extremely angry. As for me, I felt for a moment as if I had quite as much cause for anger as she had. Why need she have appeared just at that minute, and just in that particular place, too, where no one could possibly expect to meet her? A Queen, in my opinion, had no right to wander about in the region of the back-stairs, and take her pages by surprise when they were having a little harmless enjoyment. So, what with my confusion and vexation, by way of mending matters, I forgot to utter a word of apology, and stood stock-still before her, conscious of torn and crumpled ruffles, that the bow of my cravat was behind instead of before, and that there was a slit of appalling length in my claret-coloured velvet sleeve.
'"Well, sir, have you nothing to say for yourself?" was Her Majesty's exclamation, after the first pause of indignant surprise. "Perhaps you expect me to ask pardon for intruding upon your Lordship's privacy?"
'"I crave your Majesty's pardon with all my heart," I stammered out, as awkwardly as if I had been a horse-boy or a cow-herd, instead of a young courtier.
"I was only—that is—I never——" But Her Majesty cut me short with what I thought a perfectly withering smile, and a sharp "Enough, enough! Was ever such a bear before in the guise of a lady's page? You may go, sir; and I beg that this may be the last I see of you to-night. To-morrow that escapade of yours in the chapel must be inquired into; and I warn you that Father Niccolo shall not be insulted with impunity while my word has any weight in the Palace." And she swept past me with a look in her face which I knew quite well, and which always seemed completely to shut one's lips. When I saw the corners of her mouth drawn down, and that particular flash in her eyes, I felt that all poor Lady Dalrymple's hopes of my intercession had been in vain. Through my own fault I had lost every chance of gaining my suit. I stared after the Queen despairingly. She was going up the staircase, perhaps to Lady Sarah's room! I remembered my resolution of only five minutes ago. Now was the time to speak if I was to speak at all Yes, now or never! It would be useless, of course—of that I felt hardly a doubt; but it would be cowardly to give up without an effort, so that effort must be made. The next moment I was at the top of the staircase, pouring out my whole story to the astonished Queen, who stood perfectly breathless with bewilderment at my extraordinary, not to say daring behaviour. I told her everything from beginning to end without stopping, for fear she should dismiss me before hearing the whole—everything, that is, relating to my own affairs. I said as little as could be helped about Hal Verney, and nothing at all about Lady Sarah's proposal. There was no need to bring that in, and I did not want to accuse her unnecessarily. It was not till I had finished that I ventured to look up anxiously into the Queen's face. I was curious, and yet somewhat afraid, to see the effect which my unwonted proceedings would produce. Her mouth was not drawn down now—that was certainly a relief. I drew a long breath, and waited with beating heart and burning cheeks for her answer. When she did speak at length, it was not as she had spoken a few minutes before—not in the sharp icy tone that I had more than half expected to hear.