John had been so oft married, that it may be said with safety, that no man in the world ever had more experience in matrimony. He had tasted at times both the sweet and the bitter; but it was a maxim of his, that any wife was better than none; and accordingly, no sooner one wife died, than he instantly married another. He never liked a woman the worse for having a spice of the vixen; it pleased him to hear the clack of a woman’s tongue; and the truth is, that in a family like his, it was no good sign when the mistress was not heard of both late and early. His present wife had got herself a tolerable name in the neighbourhood, as a quiet, discreet, good sort of a woman; and John, accordingly, sometimes almost forgot that she was in the family. She never let him have any of those disputes with Sir Thomas about settling the accounts, with which John had used to be delighted; but commonly passed them in the lump, saying, that every article was just what she would have thought of herself, for the good of the family. With all this good understanding with Sir Thomas, it was suspected that she had not all the respect for her husband that she should have had; and the more that she never scrupled to talk over all the arts which she had practised in the courtship, and to tell, how many a pot and penny it had cost her, to get a good word with his servants, thereby to secure John to herself, when he might have had his choice of all the country; and then she would talk of her pin-money, and little perquisites, out of which, she was perpetually endeavouring to make up some little stock for herself. The nurse and Hubble-bubble humoured her in all this way of talking, and said, to be sure, nobody would marry such an old fellow as John Bull, except with a view to get something by him. By this, and such like discourse, they had got a great deal to say with her, and could have easily persuaded her at this time to put off the project of giving out the guns, if they durst have ventured to cross John in a thing he was so much bent upon. The boy George assured Mrs. Bull, that John must have at least fifty or sixty at a time, and all that the nurse could venture upon, was to make her abate one half; with which solacing herself in the mean time, she let an order be signed for the rest.
It is hard to say, what made Hubble-bubble and the nurse so averse to this scheme. As for Hubble-bubble it is probable, as most historians agree, that he did not know very well himself. But the nurse, who was no fool, most people thought, must have some other reasons besides her dream. However this be, we shall relate facts as they occur in the course of our history.
CHAP. VIII.
Concerning sister Peg.
When the accounts were brought to sister Peg of all those fine doings in John’s house; how Jowler was entrusted with every thing, and was driving it away like Jehu; and how John had brought all his arms from the cellar, and was determined to fight with Lewis Baboon himself; and how John’s hall was stuck round, as it used to be, with guns, pikes, bayonets and cutlasses, mixed, as report was, with stags branches, fox skins, and solitairs taken from Lewis in his youth; Peg expected a message every minute to desire she would garnish her hall in the same manner, and get ready the few young men she had left in her house to oppose Lewis, in case he should attempt to break in that way. But many a day passed without any tidings; and what was most surprizing of all was, that with all this lady’s wonted spleen, and acrimony when she was vexed, there was scarcely a discontented word heard from her on the occasion. One morning, indeed, at breakfast, she said, that she could not blame her brother, but that she could not well understand, what Mrs. Bull meant by putting such a slight upon her, or how it came to pass that her own clerks, whom she sent to the office, and who had nothing else to do but to mind her affairs, never let her hear a word of the matter.
This was almost all that she said, for a great while, and that with so little appearance of concern, that few historians have taken any notice of it. People who thought of former times, expected bad humour enough from her on this occasion; but the fact was, that this lady was greatly changed in her manners and deportment. From being jealous, captious, and ready to quarrel about a straw, she was grown in a very little time, a quiet easy-tempered, good-conditioned body, as could be wished, and this made some people think that the girl might have been always easy enough to live with, if people had not played tricks on porpose to vex her, which indeed was so often the case, that you would have thought her in a perpetual passion; and she was, by the habit of continual fretting, so much on the catch, that she thought herself affronted often, when no such thing was meant. In those days her servants had better lose their ears, than slight her in the manner they now did, and they commonly stood as much in awe of her, as the servants in John’s, or any other house could do of their master and mistress. But it was a changed world now. Her elder boys and upper servants passed most of their time out of the house, and sent any orders they pleased, about the kitchen, the cellar, or the farm; and those who stayed at home, and did the work of the family, forgot the way to complain.
Whilst John’s house perpetually rung with the marrow-bones and cleavers, or cat-calls and groans either in honour or contempt of the upper-servants, according to their behaviour; insomuch, that Mrs. Bull’s own woman durst not give herself any saucy airs; in Peg’s house all was hush, the good and the bad were used almost alike; and as to the business of the office, it was out of sight out of mind with Peg; she sent her clerks to wait upon Mrs. Bull, and although she was at no pains to send people that would not require looking after, yet she never inquired any more about the matter. Accordingly, they not only neglected her concerns, but often got bits of the best, for abusing her to the nurse and the game-keeper, and others of Mrs. Bull’s gossips; and few or none of them thought of any thing, but how to get a share to themselves of what was going about Mr. Bull’s house. She had even the mortification to see some of the worst of them come home, from John’s counting-room, with directions to keep the keys of her cellar and pantry, and deal out the victuals to her children; in doing which, they had a wonderful jargon, which nobody could understand, but which had a strange effect in benumning and stupifying all their hearers. They talked perpetually of the people above, the great folks, or the people in power; and now and then would whisper Peg herself, that if she kept her temper, the people above might possibly make her a present of a hood, or a tippet, or a new petticoat, at a proper time; and though she did not know, who the devil these people above were, she was perpetually gulled with this sort of talk. Those who pretend to understand these matters, say, that the people above were such as had the naming of John Bull’s servants, and that they contrived new offices, and a variety of perquisites and vails, on purpose to allure people, who were willing to sell their souls to hell, and cheat their own father and mother.
CHAP. IX.
How Lewis Baboon was belaboured and drubbed; and how Jowler behaved.
What we have already set forth, was the real state of sister Margaret’s affairs, when her brother took that sturdy resolution for himself, but left her out. His, indeed, was the best part of the family, and it was well that matters were carried so far. John was likely some time or other to go all lengths for his sister, as well as for himself; and it was the fashion at this time to say, that the great Jowler would never stop, till every good work was accomplished; but historians do not mention any great things that he did in the matter. It appears, indeed, that this fellow did set himself in earnest to touzle Lewis Baboon, and so beset the lake and the common, that Lewis could no where appear, without getting a knock on the pate with an oar, or a punch in the guts with a hand-hoe, and sometimes had musket-bullets whistling about his ears so thick, that he ran as if all the devils in hell were let loose at his heels.