“A woman who scolded one day so long
Quite suddenly lost all use of her tongue!
The doctor arrived, who, with ‘hem and haw,’
Pronounced the affection a true locked jaw.
“‘What hopes, good doctor?’ ‘Very small, I see.’
The husband (quite sad) slips a double fee.
‘No hopes, dear doctor?’ ‘Ahem! none, I fear.’
Gives another fee for an issue clear.
“The madam deceased. ‘Pray, sir, do not grieve.’
‘My friends, one comfort I surely receive—
A fatal locked jaw was the only case
From which my dear wife could have died—in peace.’”
“Make the most of him.”
It has been said that physicians have been known to benevolently play a fee into a brother’s hand when their own palm failed to be broad enough to hold them all. Perhaps the reader may derive amusement or instruction from the following, in which case the writer is well repaid for their insertion:—
“A wealthy tradesman, after drinking the waters of the Bath Springs a long time, under advice of his physician, took a fancy to try those of Bristol. Armed with an introductory letter from his Bath doctor to a professional brother at Bristol, the old gentleman set off on his journey. On the way he said to himself,—
“‘I wonder what Dr. —— has advised the Bristol physician respecting my case;’ and giving way to his curiosity, or anxiety, he opened the letter, and read,—
“‘Dear Doctor: The bearer is a fat Wiltshire clothier; make the most of him. Yours, professionally, ——.’”
Clutterbuck, the historian, and a pleasant writer, tells the following of his uncle, who was a physician:—
“A nervous old lady, a patient of his, took it into her crotchety old head to try the Bath waters, and applied to her physician for permission.
“‘The very thing I have been thinking to recommend,’ he replied; ‘and I know an excellent physician at the wells, to whom I will give you a letter of introduction.’”
With her letter and a companion, she started for the springs. En route she took out the letter, and, after looking at the address some time, her curiosity overcame her, and she said to her friend, “So long as the doctor has treated me, he has never told me what my case is, and I have a mind to just look into this letter and see what he has told the Bath physician about it.”