A cute old dairyman, who lived on a farm,—
To tell you the place is no good, nor no harm,—
Kept three or four cows—“Fan,” “Molly,” and “Bess,”
With one not yet mentioned, whose name you can’t guess.
Two teams he kept running by night and by day,
But where all the milk came from nobody could say;
His cows were no better than those of his neighbor,
Who kept just as many with equal the labor.
And as for paying! he built a great house,
And barns, and granaries that would keep out a mouse;
He drove fast horses, and was said to live high,
But his neighbors looked on, and couldn’t tell why.
“Old Bess kicked the bucket! Now let’s see,” said they,
“If he runs his two carts in the same style to-day.”
But the ’cute old farmer was not to be beat,
For the best to give down was the cow with one teat!
But since old “Bess” died the milk had grown thinner,
And the fact leaked out now that the old sinner
Had a cow with one teat, and fixed near the rump
Was a handle which worked like any good pump!
Cheese.
“Poison is sometimes generated in curds, and cheese prepared too damp, without sufficient salt.”
Hall, of the Recorder, has been presented with some Limburger cheese; and this is how he acknowledges it: “Our friend, Wm. F. Belknap, of Watertown, sends us some choice, fragrant, Limburger cheese. Although of Dutch descent, we ‘pass.’ Our ‘offence is not rank!’ and does not ‘smell to Heaven.’ That distinct package of Limburger could give the ninety and nine little ‘stinks of Cologne’ ten points, and ‘skunk’ ’em—just as e-a-s-y. We generously offered the package to a man who slaughters skunks for their hide and ile; but he said he didn’t admire the odor, and guessed he’d worry along without it; and we finally passed it on a German, who lives over the hill five miles to leeward of the village. We suppose there are some people who eat Limburger. It’s just as a man is brought up. ‘None for Joseph,’ thank you.”
Tea and Coffee.
Tea was introduced into England in the year 1666, and sold for sixty shillings per pound. It was first boiled till tender, and sauced up with butter in large dishes, the “broth” being thrown away: An excellent way for using the article!
All imported tea is black, unless colored before leaving China, and is colored by prussiate of potash—a poison so deleterious as to require labelling in drug stores as “Poison.” It makes one very nervous,—good tea does not, unless used to excess,—and acts as a slow poison on the system. By its over-action on the liver, it makes one yellow, and will spoil the fairest complexion. All teas contain tannic acid, which, combining with milk, makes excellent leather of one. Black teas are sometimes colored with gypsum and Prussian blue.
I obtained these facts from a retired tea merchant of Philadelphia. He spent some time in China.
Coffee is adulterated with mahogany sawdust, acorns, peas, beans, roasted carrots, but more commonly with dandelion root and chiccory. I have obtained some samples of these from a large coffee-grinder in this city. But what is more repulsive still, baked horses’ and bullocks’ livers are often mixed with cheap coffees, to give them more body! Pure coffee is the less injurious. All these substances may be detected, as they become soft by boiling, which coffee-bean does not. Coffee browned in silver-lined cylinders retains its flavor more perfectly than in iron.
Alcoholic Drinks.