"And was that what displeased you? Have I not the right to end my miserable existence if it becomes too heavy a burden to be borne?"
"No, you have no right to do so, and it is a sin even to think of it!" Lieschen replied, her beautiful eyes lifted to Egon's in stern reproach. "Your words shocked me deeply. Is there any courage in putting an end by the act of an instant to an intolerable existence? It is cowardice, miserable cowardice, to turn and flee from the battle of life. I have heard pity bestowed upon those wretched men who in despair have taken their own lives; for my part I cannot help despising them, and I cannot understand how a man can find a word to say in defence of such cowardice."
What Lieschen said was neither novel nor clever, and yet her simple words made a deep impression upon Egon. He had lately read a learned essay upon the right of self-destruction, in which every conceivable argument was brought forward to prove that nothing save insanity could excuse the act, but the sapient disquisition had only provoked a smile as he read, while these few simple words of the young girl's staggered him in the views he had hitherto held. Involuntarily the image of the real Pigglewitch arose in his mind, he saw the ridiculous figure kneeling singing upon the green bank, then suddenly start up and leap into the water. He saw the wretched creature standing dripping before him, wringing his hands and entreating to have his miserable life ended for him, he was afraid to do it himself. Did it really require more courage to endure a sad existence than to end it with a pistol-bullet? Was it cowardice to flee from a blank, weary world? Lieschen felt contempt, not compassion, for a suicide. She did not know how her words fitted Egon's case. He could not look into her clear eyes, he was forced to cast down his own.
It was Egon's nature to be easily swayed by the impulse of the moment; thus it was with him now, as he said, after a short pause,--
"You judge harshly, very harshly, but perhaps justly. You can have no idea of how nearly your words touch me. I promise to reflect upon what you have said, and now I beg you not to be angry with me any longer. I cannot bear to have you look so gravely and disapprovingly at me. I will try never to shock you again by thoughtless words which may seem to you like a sneer at sacred things, but I beg you to have patience with me. You promised to be my teacher, and a teacher ought not to be impatient."
"Now you are making game of me again."
"No, I declare to you I am not jesting. What I said half in jest to you at dinner I now repeat in earnest. I am conscious to-day for the first time that the experience of my life has made me morbid. Regard me as a sick man, and when some word of mine shocks you, do not be angry, but tell me of it frankly, without reserve. Blame me, take me to task, and I shall be your debtor."
Lieschen looked at him rather dubiously. "I do not know what to think of you, Herr Pigglewitch," she replied, shaking her pretty head thoughtfully. "You change with every moment. When a little while ago you talked so wickedly and urged Soliman towards the river, I was afraid of you, and now you suddenly speak so sadly and gently that I almost have faith in you. But since you only ask that I should tell you what I think, without reserve, I can easily grant your request, I should do so whether or not, because I cannot help it."