If he had given me his old look and smile, I'm not sure but he might have bent me again to his will, and in time led me further into evil.
He didn't, happily! And oh, it's good for us that things don't always happen as we'd choose.
But if any more was needed to make me feel quite hopeless and wretched, it was that sight of Walter, just after leaving Mary, when mother seemed to have no love left for her Kitty, and everything was changed.
Doesn't God sometimes strip us for a while of all joy and pleasure, just to make us turn to Him? I do think He does, when it's needful, out of His great Fatherly love. And I think it was needful for me. Nothing less would have brought me to His Feet. So long as I had any earthly prop to cling to, I would have clung there.
In that lonesome five miles' drive, it seemed as if every prop was gone.
I don't think I cried. I had shed such lots of tears lately, I must have pretty near cried them all away. I only sat still, gazing at the hedges, and wondering if I should ever have any brightness in life again.
Well, some amount of brightness didn't lie far ahead, but then one can't see ahead. There's never any knowing what'll come next.
It was raining when I reached the Rectory, and I got out and stood in the passage as forlorn as could be.
The maid saw my box brought in, and then— "I'll tell my mistress you've come," says she, and she went off somewhere.