April 23. Friday.—Mrs. Romilly was talking to-day in a worried manner about Miss Con looking so thin, and taking no rest. And Mother asked if she would not come to us for a week. It was a sudden thought of Mother's; and Mrs. Romilly was quite pleased. She said any break would be a good thing. So Miss Con has been spoken to, and she will come next Thursday,—for she will not consent to stop lessons sooner. We hope to make the week grow into a fortnight.
Same day. Evening.—The last post has brought back my MS. "Selina's Wish" from Mr. Willis,—declined.
April 27. Tuesday.—I could not write more on Friday about my story: and I have had no heart to do so since,—until now.
I won't say that I was not disappointed, for I was,—intensely disappointed. Of course nobody knew how much. I woke up next morning feeling perfectly wretched, not the least able to rise above it, and really believing I had come to the end of any hopes of future authorship. And the only comfort was in saying over and over again,—"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." For of course I can't possibly know what is really best for myself or for any of us. And somehow, even before I left my room, things did look a little brighter, and I felt sure I should be helped.
At breakfast-time Mother asked what I meant to do, and after some little talk we settled that I had better write and ask frankly for the reason why the tale is refused,—which I did.
The answer came this morning,—a kind and pleasant answer. We are sure from it that the publisher doesn't at all mean that he will never take a book of mine again; and that is a great comfort. Mr. Willis says that "the character of Selina is too naughty and disagreeable. People would say in reference to several chapters at the beginning—What is the use of it all? Too much of her naughtiness and impertinence are given in detail. The books that are most popular are those with pleasant characters in them. He could understand the interest of the MS. carrying a reader to the end, but the impression left would be unpleasant, and it would not be taken up a second time. Also he thinks the main incident of the book too melancholy. People like cheerful books."
I don't think I like cheerful books so much as sad ones: but no doubt Mr. Willis is the best judge about people in general: and even before I heard from him, I was making up my mind to try after pleasanter characters in my next.
I do not think I will try to get either "Selina" or "Winnie" taken by any one else, at present. The faults in both seem to be much the same. Better to start something fresh, in a different style.
There has been a strange mixture of humiliation and encouragement in all this,—of disappointment now, and hope for by-and-by. I begin already to think that some day I may be thankful not to have had "Selina's Wish" published.
April 30. Friday.—Yesterday morning Miss Con came to us. She was so grateful to Mother for asking her: and she seemed to find it a rest to be able to be quiet, and not to feel it her duty to work.