Which would mean a manner of slow dying—the death of all joy in life, except such joys as are unearthly. Jem had them in possession!
Only money stood between, to hinder his seeking and perhaps winning her—but it was a potent "only." If she married him, she would lose her all, beyond a mere pittance—so Jem believed—and what had he to offer her instead? Not even Dutton living for life! Whether or no, he accepted this present offer—and there seemed no reason for not doing so—he counted himself in a manner devoted to East-End work, for sooner or later . . . Evelyn the wife of a clergyman, with narrow income, toiling in back-slums! Jem could not picture it. Yet there might be capabilities in that fair creature, not yet developed; and Jem had seen in her some faint dawnings of a high spirit of self-devotion.
Had he had any reason to believe that she loved him, unsought—then of course he would have spoken: then of course he would have given her at least the choice. But he had no reason to believe anything of the kind; and he could not in conscience set himself to win her.
Another watery mountain, towering above its compeers, swept up, and struck the steamer with a force which made every plank in her to vibrate. When the rush of water and the hail of spray had cleared, Jem became presently aware of a difference in the sum-total of sounds. The steady throb of the engines was ceasing. He waited a few minutes, not flurried though anxious; but it did not recommence, and he went aft, to make enquiries.
"Jean! You here!" Coming back to his seat, he found her.
"Don't scold me, please. I could not stay down any longer."
"It is not fit for you on deck."
"I can't go back directly—the hatches are closed again. And I would rather not. We are so boxed up below. Some gentlemen were coming up, to ask what had happened; and one of them was kind and helped me. I wanted to find you: and when I saw your rug, I knew you would soon be back."
Jem wrapped her round with the said rug.
"I don't want it," protested Jean uselessly. "I have my waterproof. Why have the engines stopped?"