"You don't know, you don't understand. Nobody outside can guess what it will be. I don't expect to have no trials. One must have them, of course. But to live on there in the dear old home as a mere dependent—as nobody—after what has been!" She broke into her own words with a start, "I am saying this only to you—only for yourself. Others must not know how I mind it, not even Marjory. I can't endure to be pitied. But oh, it is hard—very very hard!" and a sob seemed wrenched from her.
"Poor child!" Mr. Fitzalan said, despite her repudiation of pity. "My dear, it is of no use for me to tell you that things will not be so bad as you expect. Lower comfort is no good at such times. Better take the pain and the help both together straight from God Himself."
She shook her head mutely, placing both hands over her face.
"Think," he went on, "how often you have told others to trust in His love, not to doubt Him in sorrowful hours. Now is the time for you to put your own words into practice."
"I don't think anybody ever had anything like this to bear!"
He did not smile, as he might have done. He knew that she knew little of life yet, and that her loss was very great in her own eyes.
"There is a poor old woman down in the village, whom you and I both know well. She is lonely, poverty-stricken, forsaken by her only son, a great sufferer in body. Three days ago I went to visit her, and I found her very full of a call she had just had. Shall I tell you what she said?" Hermione made no sign. "I think you can guess who had called. She said, 'Sir, Miss Rivers has been, and she's done my poor old heart good. For she do speak like an angel to me, sir, a-telling me how I'm not to be afeared, for if so be I'm "yielded up" to the Lord, and has given up my will to Him, why, I needn't never mind nothing, but just rest upon Him, and take whatever He sends, and be joyful. And I'll do it too, sir, so please He'll help me.'"
Mr. Fitzalan waited a few seconds.
"Oh, I don't know—it all seems so unreal."
The words dropped from Hermione as if involuntarily. She stopped when about to say more, abashed by her own utterance.