It is not etiquette for the groom to bear any of the expense, except the fee to the clergy man; nor to furnish anything for his own wedding, except the ring and the bouquet for the bride, presents for the brides-maids and best man, and some little token for the ushers.
The hostess (who invites) requests the groom to furnish her with two lists of names—one list of those of his friends whom he wishes to be present to witness the ceremony, and another list of those whom he would like to see at the reception also. These, with similar lists of the bride's friends, make up the number of guests to be invited. Wedding invitations are usually sent out two weeks before the day fixed for the ceremony. The invitation is engraved and printed upon a note sheet, in handsome plain script, the lines broken to give distinction to the several ideas, and the wording made as terse as possible. The formula is nearly unvarying:
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
request the pleasure of your company
(or the honor of your presence)
at the marriage of their daughter,
MARY ADELAIDE,
to
MR. WILLIAM HENRY BISHOP,
at St. Philip's Church,
On Wednesday evening, October twelfth, at seven o'clock.
If the marriage is to be solemnized at home the date follows the names in succession, and the place of residence is given last. The invitation may vary, "the wedding reception of their daughter," etc. Or, accompanying the church wedding invitation may be a square card bearing the lines: "Reception from half-past seven until nine o'clock," with place of residence on the line below.
Also, to avoid a crowd at the church, a smaller card is sometimes sent with the invitations bearing, for example, the words: "Please present this card at St. Philip's Church, Wednesday evening, October twelfth, at seven o'clock." This card of admission is also given to dependents—the domestics of the family or such persons as may be entitled to the kind notice, but who are not, strictly speaking, invited guests. The number of such cards should never be greater than the comfortable capacity of the church, lest their original purpose be defeated.
In case the ceremony is private the immediate family and chosen friends are invited verbally. It is then optional whether or not a formal announcement shall be made to a wider circle of friends by sending out engraved cards the day after the ceremony. These are, like the invitations, printed on note sheets, and are phrased briefly, as
MR. AND MRS. GEORGE LATHROP
announce the marriage of their daughter,
MARY ADELAIDE,
to
MR. WILLIAM HENRY BISHOP,
Wednesday evening, October twelfth,
St. Philip's Church.
"At Home" cards sometimes accompany this announcement, or they may be sent out later by the young couple themselves, if a long wedding trip intervenes.
The private wedding and after announcement is often the most suitable—in fact, the only appropriate method to adopt when a bride is comparatively alone in the world, or has no near relatives to take charge of wedding formalities. In such a case the announcement is worded: "Mr. William Henry Bishop and Miss Mary Adelaide Lathrop, married, Wednesday, October twelfth, 149 Willow St." If no other place is given this is understood to be the place where to address cards of congratulation. If the young couple are to receive later, in a new home, that address, with date of the "at home," is also given, thus, "At home, after November fifteenth, 1129 Lake St." If the change of residence is to another town, the name of the town is also given.
For the proper style of "displaying" the phrases of an invitation or announcement one may apply to a first-class stationer. Plain script and the finest white paper are always correct. Any show of ornamentation is out of taste.