Zara. I would not make a Christian happy. But the words are spoken, and cannot be withdrawn. For the rest, Hiaya, whose degenerate wife reared as her own the captive child, will not dispute its truth, now that she is passing equally away from him and thee.
Spanish Lady. Oh! hapless mother!
Marchioness de Moya (proudly). Hapless! I would not change my dying child for any living one in Christendom.
And now, alas! that I must tell it, came the burning humiliation of my childhood. Until this moment, as the reader may have noticed, no one had offered to arrest Zara, nor staunch Ayesha’s wound, nor call for aid, nor do any of the things that would naturally have been done off the stage. The necessity of explaining the situation had overridden—as it always does in the drama—every other consideration. But now, while the queen was busy embracing the marchioness, and while the Spanish ladies were bending over Ayesha’s body, it was my part to pluck Zara’s robe, and whisper: “Quick, quick, let us be gone! To linger here is death.” To which she scornfully retorts: “They have no thought of thee, slave; and, as for me, I go to meet what fate Allah ordains:” and slowly leaves the stage.
But where was I? Not in our convent schoolroom, not on our convent stage; but in the queen’s pavilion, witness to a tragedy which rent my soul in twain. Ayesha (I had a passionate admiration for Julia Reynolds), lying dead and lovely at my feet; Marie’s pitiful cry vibrating in my ears; and Zara’s splendid scorn and hatred overriding all pity and compunction. Wrapped in the contemplation of these things, I stood speechless and motionless, oblivious of cues, unaware of Zara’s meaning glance, unconscious of the long, strained pause, or of Madame Rayburn’s loud prompting from behind the scenes. At last, hopeless of any help in my direction, Zara bethought herself to say: “As for me, I go to meet what fate Allah ordains:” and stalked off,—which independent action brought me to my senses with a start. I opened my mouth to speak, but it was too late; and, realizing the horror of my position, I turned and fled,—fled to meet the flood-tide of Mary Orr’s reproaches.
“Every one will think that I forgot my lines,” she stormed. “Didn’t you see me looking straight at you, and waiting for my cue? The whole scene was spoiled by your stupidity.”
I glanced miserably at Madame Rayburn. Of all the nuns I loved her best; but I knew her too well to expect any comfort from her lips. Her brown eyes were very cold and bright. “The scene was not spoiled,” she said judicially; “it went off remarkably well. But I did think, Agnes, that, although you cannot act, you had too much interest in the play, and too much feeling for the situation, to forget entirely where you were, or what you were about. There, don’t cry! It didn’t matter much.”
Don’t cry! As well say to the pent-up dam, “Don’t overflow!” or to the heaving lava-bed, “Don’t leave your comfortable crater!” Already my tears were raining down over my blue tunic and yellow trousers. How could I—poor, inarticulate child—explain that it was because of my absorbing interest in the play, my passionate feeling for the situation, that I was now humbled to the dust, and that my career as an actress was closed?