The Sexual Life of the Child

by Albert Moll

But the matter is very different as regards the enlightenment concerning the subjective processes of the sexual life of those who are still quite young. It is impossible to approve of the suggestion that a girl of twelve or a boy of fourteen should receive instruction in school as to the dangers of masturbation. Enlightenment of this sort must be given in a purely individual manner, and for this reason the school is here out of the question. It may be objected to this that we now and again encounter a schoolmaster who is able to establish between himself and his pupils a relationship of complete personal confidence, and that such a man is just as well able as the father to instruct his boys about these matters; mutatis mutandis, the same considerations apply to the exceptional schoolmistress as compared with the mother. But although it must be admitted that such cases really exist, they are—and this is no fault of master or mistress—such rare exceptions, that it is out of the question to base upon their existence a general rule that enlightenment upon these particular points should be given in the school. Enlightenment regarding the earliest manifestations of the sexual life, whether about the feelings or about the peripheral processes, demands such a degree of individualisation, that a schoolmaster or a schoolmistress, who has to teach from thirty to fifty pupils at once, or even a larger number than this, is quite unable to undertake anything of the kind. Such enlightenment can be properly effected only by an individual confidant, and by one who makes the fullest possible allowance for the child's own individuality. Such a confidant is most suitable, if only for the reason that enlightenment on these questions can best be effected, above all in the case of little children, as far as possible in response to spontaneous inquiries, or at least when an opportunity is afforded by some chance occurrence. The express manufacture of an opportunity, such as would be necessary in the school, might entail very unfortunate consequences; and even if, in response to a wide demand of our day, instruction in hygiene is given in school, either by a schoolmaster or a medical man, the anticipation of such topics might have undesirable results. In the German Medical Congress of the year 1908, it was evident that even the advocates of hygienic instruction in the school were not all prepared to answer with an unqualified affirmative the question whether the school was the best place for effecting sexual enlightenment; and a resolution proposed by Scheyer was adopted, to the effect "that this Congress considers that the question of the school taking part in the work of sexual enlightenment is one which it would at present be premature to discuss."

Those who are inclined to assume to-day that we have left the older authorities far in the rear, would do well sometimes to study the works they despise. Basedow in his Elementarbuch für die Jugend und für ihre Lehrer und Freunde (Handbook for Young Persons, their Teachers, and their Friends), gives some ideas as to how a mother may best enlighten her children regarding sex-differences. Looking at a chest of drawers, one of the children says to the mother that the purpose of clothing is to protect the body from cold and heat, and to cover the private parts. The mother replies that the last-named use of clothing is indeed very important, and that it is very naughty to allow these parts of the body to be seen, unless in cases of the greatest need. But the child goes on to say that an additional use of clothing is to help us to know one person from another, and to distinguish the female sex from the male; and her little brother remarks that he knows of no difference between the sexes other than that shown by the clothing: "If I were dressed like my sister, I should be a girl." "No, no, my child," answers the mother, "as time goes on, a girl's form becomes very different from that of a young man. In men, a beard grows; but not in women. Men cannot give birth to a child, nor can they suckle a child; they can only procreate children, or become fathers. For this reason, even from the time they are born, their bodies are different from those of little girls. And not only are their bodies different; their inclinations are different also; &c. &c." Although we may be disinclined to accept everything that Basedow and other early educationalists have said about such matters, none the less, in these old writings the modern educationalist will find much that is suggestive.

Of late years, now that the school physician has gained a higher position, the suggestion is sometimes made that it is by him that the sexual enlightenment may best be undertaken. As far as children of a fair age are concerned, and in the matter of imparting warnings against the dangers of venereal infection, I share this view. But as regards enlightenment as to the personal sexual life in the case of a child of thirteen or so, I am compelled to differ. My reasons will be obvious from what has been said before. The principal reason is that the enlightenment ought to be effected by someone who enjoys the child's personal confidence. Undoubtedly there are certain school physicians who fulfil this condition; and to such persons this task may, of course, be entrusted. The very fact that they enjoy the children's confidence suffices to show that they possess certain special qualifications for such a task, and further, that they have the faculty of coming to a real understanding with children. But the fact that a man is appointed to the position of school physician, does not by itself prove that he possesses to an adequate degree the fine perceptions and the tact that are needed in effecting the sexual enlightenment; nor does it prove that he is the person best fitted to enlighten the children with whom he has to deal. In this difficult matter, we cannot be too careful in formulating any general rule. The person who is to effect the sexual enlightenment must possess, not merely a theoretical knowledge of the processes of sex, but also the faculty of making these processes intelligible at the right moment and in the right way. But how is the school physician or the schoolmaster to know, in individual cases, the degree to which the sexual life has developed? He must have definitely abandoned the old view that either the child's age in years or the external physical signs of puberty can be regarded as indicating with any degree of precision the progress of psychosexual puberty. But since this latter, the psychosexual development, should most often guide us in the choice of the right moment for effecting the sexual enlightenment, we are compelled to depend upon an individual consideration of the child, such as will be possible only to a person who is fully in its confidence. We learn from everyday experience that even very near relatives, if they have failed to penetrate the child's intimate psyche, may have utterly erroneous conceptions of its mental life. They completely ignore the extent to which the sexual imaginative activity has already developed; they know nothing as to whether the originally obscure sensibility of the child has now become focussed in a particular direction, so that its feelings are stimulated by definite individuals; they are ignorant of the degree to which the child's genital organs have become subject to the peripheral changes characteristic of sex. In the fourth chapter of this work I have discussed the wide individual differences which children exhibit in these various respects; and a mere reference to the matter here should suffice to show that the most careful and detailed individual examination of the child-soul is indispensable, and that the observance of a mechanical routine in the process of sexual enlightenment would be even worse than no enlightenment at all.

It is a question of great importance, who, outside the school, is the person best fitted to undertake the sexual enlightenment; and I have repeatedly expressed my preference for the selection of the mother. But a mother who is unable to superintend the general education of her children, because she is compelled to spend most of her time away from home engaged in earning a livelihood, is not fitted to undertake the sexual enlightenment of her children; equally unfitted for this is the mother who leaves the education of her children in the hands of hired assistants, whilst herself occupied in attending public meetings, perhaps on behalf of the woman's movement, of the education of children, of the promotion of the sexual enlightenment, of rational dress, or the like, whilst her children at home are abandoned to moral corruption; and the same considerations apply to the mother whose nights are so much occupied in dancing and feasting, that the greater part of her days have to be spent in bed. Fortunately, however, there are many mothers who have very different conceptions of their duties to home and children. We find such mothers very often among the class of skilled artisans, but also among the cultured middle class,[143] although among these latter the desire to ape the manners of the so-called upper classes is unfortunately far too general. I have seen cases in which the mother was still the confidant of her sons after they had entered the period of early manhood; and thus I have known a mother who in the case of a son of sixteen and even of eighteen years, was in a position to allay the grave anxiety awakened by the first occurrence of nocturnal emissions. But where the mother is not the confidant, some other person must take this place, as, for instance, a governess or a near relative. In the case of boys, the father is often the person best able to undertake the sexual enlightenment; or it may be a physician who enjoys the lad's confidence, and especially a family physician in the old and excellent sense of the term; in other cases it may be an elder brother, or an old family friend. Much good in such cases may be done by a friend, older, indeed, than the child who is to receive enlightenment; and yet not so much older as to make the child feel that a mutual understanding is hardly possible. In any case, next to the possession of a cultivated intelligence by the person who undertakes to effect the sexual enlightenment, the point of greatest importance is that this latter person should receive the full confidence of the child. Only when the child has such perfect trust, will it accept as true what it is told, and not suspect that, as has so often been the case, it is being put off with hypocritical phrases—for children recognise the hypocritical character of much of what they are told about sexual matters at an age far earlier than most elders are willing to believe. But another reason why the person who undertakes the enlightenment must be one who has the child's fullest confidence, is that in that case only can the child be expected to be absolutely straightforward. A very frequent mistake in dealing with children is to mistrust them needlessly. Let us suppose that a child has been discovered to masturbate, and that it is spoken to very earnestly in order to break it off the habit. I have known cases in which, although everything pointed to the fact that the child had abandoned its bad habit, yet, when it denied masturbating any longer, it was accused of lying. A child will naturally never give its confidence again to one who has once unjustly reproached it in this manner. On the other hand, a child is far more likely to acknowledge its faults to one in whom it has perfect confidence. The child's confidence can be gained only by an individual confidant. In the presence of such a confidant, a child loses all sense of false shame, and this is an indispensable precondition for effecting a really valuable enlightenment. Where no individual is forthcoming who fulfils the requirements just specified, it is usually better to dispense with the enlightenment; and above all, in this matter, a mechanical routine must be avoided.

I will now briefly report a case in which a younger brother made a confidant of his elder brother, and will show how unwise it would be to lay down any general rule as to who is the person best fitted to undertake the sexual enlightenment of a child.

Case 18.—One day a student of medicine came to me to ask my advice about his younger brother, a lad of thirteen. This latter, an intelligent boy, was attending the upper third class of the higher school. The boy confessed to his brother that he masturbated to excess, and that he found that scenes of cruelty especially aroused sexual stimulation. I asked the student to bring his young brother to see me, and the latter made on me a very favourable impression, especially in the matter of his frankness. He spoke to me quite openly, and attended most carefully to all my advice. I explained to him truthfully that his future was endangered, not only by the masturbation, but also by the perverse ideas; I told him that the danger of a combination of masturbation with perverse ideas was especially serious; and I assured him that he was still at an age when it remained possible for him to develop into a normal man. Some years later, I saw the young man once more. His subsequent development had been excellent, and he was almost free from perverse sexual sensibility.

In this case it would have been utterly wrong to insist on the lad's being enlightened by his father, his mother, his guardian, or his schoolmaster. The particular circumstances of the life often point out the right way. In this instance, it was his older brother in whom the lad had complete confidence. Now, if the elder brother had consulted the parents in this difficulty, such a course would not merely have destroyed the younger's confidence in his elder brother's silence and discretion, but would have undermined the lad's confidence in general. Especially towards the parents, but also towards other relatives, a feeling of shame commonly exists—perhaps a mistaken feeling, but one with which we have to reckon. Often it is the parents' own fault, when they fail to gain the confidence of their children.

The question has also been mooted whether the sexual enlightenment of girls should not be entrusted to some companion of the same sex, more especially in cases in which the mother is for one reason or another unfitted for this task. This view is altogether erroneous. Sex has comparatively little to do with the question. For example, Heidenhain, whose practical experience in these matters is most extensive, has shown that the enlightenment of girls may be effected most admirably by a male physician endowed with the requisite qualities.[144] The thing that matters is not the sex of the person who effects the enlightenment, but the manner in which the enlightenment is effected.

To sum up. The sexual enlightenment of the child is advisable. The biological processes of sex in the vegetable and lower animal world may be taught in school as early as the second period of childhood. A warning against the dangers of venereal infection may be given at school to the senior pupils shortly before they leave, or at some similar suitable opportunity. But for effecting enlightenment regarding the processes of the individual sexual life, the school is unsuitable; this matter can best be undertaken by some private person, and above all by the mother. Choice of the time for this last phase of the sexual enlightenment must be guided, in part by the questions of the child, in part by the child's physical maturity, but more especially by the indications of psychosexual development.

Deliberately I avoid discussing the question as to the precise words and phrases with which the child's enlightenment is to be effected. Moreover, this question is subordinate to another, namely, to what extent instruction in natural science has prepared the way, in the child's mind, for such enlightenment. Both in Germany and in Austria, schemata have been drawn up for systematic preparation of this kind.[145] Speaking generally, we may draw the following conclusions. We have to distinguish according to the age of the child with which we have to deal. Where we have to caution a young man about to leave one of the higher schools, about the dangers of venereal infection, our difficulties are inconsiderable. But where we have to do with a girl of eight, who has asked her mother where her baby brother has come from; or with a boy of fourteen, whom we wish to protect because he has taken to sexual malpractices with his school-fellows, our difficulties are great. In such cases, tact, which cannot always be taught, and a desire for the best interests of the child, must show us the right path. It is obvious that each case will require individual consideration and treatment. An intelligent mother, who constitutes half the child's world and more, can describe these matters to her child, can even describe the sexual act, whose existence most persons prefer to conceal from children. It is by no means impossible to present even this act to the child's mind in a tactful way. It can be done in a poetical manner, and yet without departing from the strict truth. The same considerations apply to the act of birth. In a book dealing with this subject, a mother is asked by her child where children come from, and she answers as follows: "You see, little one, how fruit grows upon a tree; in just the same way, little children grow within the body of the mother." Beyond question, there is no justification for the assumption that sexual enlightenment can be effected only in a repulsive manner; and this view depends merely upon the fact that through a perversion of moral ideas certain persons regard as unclean things which are essentially clean. Everything depends upon the person who effects the enlightenment, upon finding a suitable opportunity, and upon choosing words and phrases adapted to the child's intelligence. Success will often follow upon replying in an illuminating way to some chance question of the child. In other cases, there may be indications for making the enlightenment part of a festival occasion—a method described in an old book, in which the father effects the enlightenment of his children to the accompaniment of public prayers.[146] The description shows a truly religious spirit, and a genuine love for children; it shows, further, that natural processes may be described truthfully to children without wounding in any way their sense of shame. There is no ground whatever for the belief that to a fairly advanced child a serious person cannot suitably describe all the natural processes of the human body, including sexual intercourse. The child to whom these things are described in a well-considered way, will receive no kind of injury to its moral sentiments; nor will such a description, once more, if it is couched in well-chosen words, provoke in the child any tendency to laughter. The secrecy with which the sexual life is surrounded, confused by many with the sentiment of shame, often gives rise to the belief that the child has the same feelings about the sexual life as the adult. But the unspoiled child has absolutely no feeling that the sexual life is in any way unclean; and for this very reason, no great difficulty arises in the sexual enlightenment of such an unspoiled child—an enlightenment which includes a description of the sexual act. I have myself on several occasions been asked by parents with a proper care for the future morality and health of their children, to undertake the necessary enlightenment of these latter. I am absolutely convinced that when the child has complete trust in the person who effects the enlightenment, the explanation of everything is fully possible. In this book, I have more than once proved that a description of sexual intercourse, appealing as it does rather to the intellectual side of the child's mind, need have no bad influence at all upon its emotional life; and in the further course of this chapter I shall have to speak of the matter once again. I may add here that there are books written specially for the purpose of assisting parents in the instruction of their children in these matters.[147]