They laughed and kissed, and the minutes passed pleasantly. But yet their love-making fell short of Roland’s ideal of love. It was jolly; it was comfortable; but it was little more. He was not thrilled when the back of his hand brushed accidentally against hers; their kisses were hardly a lyric ecstasy. Even when he held her in his arms he was conscious of himself, outside their embrace, watching it, saying to himself: “Those two are having a good time together,” and being outside it he was envious, jealous of a happiness he did not share. It was someone else who was holding April’s hand, someone else’s head that bent to her slim shoulder. It was an exciting experience. But then had it not been exciting to walk across Hampstead Heath on a Sunday evening and observe the feverish ardors of the prostrate lovers?
He despised himself; he reminded himself that he was extraordinarily lucky to have a girl such as April in love with him; he was unworthy of her. Was not Ralph eating out his heart with envy? And yet he was dissatisfied. The Curtises’ house had become a prison for him; a soft, warm prison, with cushions and shaded lights and gentle voices, but it was a prison none the less. He was still able to leave it at will, but the time was coming when that freedom would be denied him. In a year or two their understanding would be an engagement; the engagement would drift to marriage. For the rest of his life he would be enclosed in that warm, clammy atmosphere. There was a conspiracy at work against him. His father had already begun to speak of his marriage as an accomplished fact. His mother was chiefly glad he was doing well in business because success there would make an early marriage possible. On all sides inducements were being offered him to marry—marriage with its corollary to settle down. Marry and settle down, when he was still under twenty!—before he had begun to live!
CHAPTER XII
MARSTON AND MARSTON
DURING the weeks that immediately followed his return, Roland found that he was, on the whole, happiest when he was at the office. He had less there to worry him. His work was new and interesting. Mr. Marston had decided that before Roland went on his tour alone he should acquire a general knowledge of the organization of the business. And so Roland spent a couple of weeks in each department, acquainting himself with the routine.
“And a pretty good slack it will be,” Gerald had said. “It’s the governor’s pet plan. He made me do it. But you won’t learn anything that’s going to be of the least use to you. All you’ve got to do in this show is to be polite and impress opulent foreigners. You don’t need to know the ingredients of varnish nor how we arrange our advertising accounts. And you can bet that the fellows themselves won’t be in any hurry to teach you. The less we know about things the better they’re pleased. They like to run their own show. If I were you I should have as lazy a time as possible.”
Under ordinary circumstances Roland would have followed this advice. He had learned at Fernhurst to do as much work as was strictly necessary, but no more. He had prepared his lessons carefully for his house tutor and the games’ master, the two persons, that is to say, who had it in their power to make his existence there either comfortable or the reverse. He had also worked hard for the few masters, such as Carus Evans, who disliked him. That was part of his armor. When Carus Evans had said to him for the third day running, “Now, I think we’ll have you, Whately,” and he had translated the passage without a slip, he felt that he was one up on Carus Evans. But for the others, the majority with whom he was only brought into casual contact, and who were pleasantly indifferent to those who caused them no trouble, he did only as much work as was needful to keep him from the detention room. Roland had rarely been inconvenienced by uncomfortable scruples about duty.
At any other time he would have spent the days of apprenticeship in placid idleness—discussion of cricket matches; visits to the window and subsequent speculation on the prospects of fine weather over the week-end; glances at his watch to see how soon he could slip from the cool of the counting house into the hot sunshine that was beating upon the streets; pleasant absorption in a novel. But Roland was worried by the family situation; he was finding life dull; he was prepared to abandon himself eagerly to any fresh enthusiasm. For want of anything better to do, without premeditation, with no thought of the power that this knowledge might one day bring him, he decided to understand the business of Marston & Marston.
On the first morning he was handed over to the care of Mr. Stevens, the head of the trade department. Mr. Stevens was a faithful servant of the firm, and, as is the way with faithful servants, considered himself to be more important than his employers.
“They may sit up in that board room of theirs,” he would say, “and they may pass their resolutions, and they may decide on this and they may decide on that, but where’d they be without their figures, I’d like to know. And who gives them their figures?”
He would chuckle and scratch his bald head, and issue a fierce series of orders to the packers. He bore no malice against his directors; he was not jealous; he knew that there were two classes, the governing and the governed, and that it had been his fate to be born among the governed.