§11
After a few months, however, the office life became somewhat less oppressive.
It is not in the Russian character to keep up a steady system of persecution, unless where personal or avaricious motives are involved; and this fact is due to our Russian carelessness and indifference. Those in authority in Russia are generally unlicked and insolent, and it is very easy, when dealing with them, to come in for the rough side of their tongue; but a war of pin-pricks is not in their way—they have not the patience for it, perhaps because it brings in no profit.
In the heat of the moment, in order to display their power or prove their zeal, they are capable of anything, however absurd and unnecessary; but then by degrees they cease to trouble you.
I found this to be the case in my office. It so happened that the Ministry of the Interior had just been seized with a fit of statistics. Orders were issued that committees should be appointed all over the country, and information was required from these committees which could hardly have been supplied in such countries as Belgium and Switzerland. There were also ingenious tables of all kinds for figures, to show a maximum and minimum as well as averages, and conclusions based on a comparison of ten years (for nine of which, if you please, no statistics at all had been recorded); the morality of the inhabitants and even the weather were to be included in the report. For the committee and for the collection of facts not a penny was allotted; the work had to be done from pure love of statistics; the rural police were to collect the facts and the Governor’s office to put them in order. The office was overburdened with work already, and the rural police preferred to use their fists rather than their brains; both looked on the statistics committee as a mere superfluity, an official joke; nevertheless, a report had to be presented, including tables of figures and conclusions based thereon.
To all our office the job seemed excessively difficult. It was, indeed, simply impossible; but to that nobody paid any attention; their sole object was to escape a reprimand. I promised Alenitsin that I would write the introduction and first part of the report, with specimen tables, introducing plenty of eloquent phrases, foreign words, apt quotations, and impressive conclusions, if he would allow me to perform this difficult task at my house instead of at the office. He talked it over with the Governor and gave permission.
The beginning of the report dealt with the committee’s activity; and here, as there was nothing to show at present, I dwelt upon hopes and intentions for the future. This composition moved Alenitsin to the depth of his heart and was considered a masterpiece even by the Governor. That was the end of my labours in the department of statistics, but I was made chairman of the committee. Thus I was delivered from the slavery of copying office papers, and my drunken chief became something like my subordinate. Alenitsin only asked, from some idea of keeping up appearances, that I should just look in every day at the office.
To show how utterly impossible it was to draw up serious tables, I shall quote some information received from the town of Kai. There were many absurdities, and this was one.
| Persons drowned, | 2 |
| Causes of drowning unknown, | 2 |
| ═══ | |
| Total | 4 |
Under the heading “Extraordinary Events” the following tragedy was chronicled: “So-and-so, having injured his brain with spirituous liquors, hanged himself.” Under the heading “Morality of the Inhabitants” this was entered: “No Jews were found in the town of Kai.” There was a question whether any funds had been allotted to the building of a church, or exchange, or hospital. The answer was: “Money allotted to the building of an exchange was not allotted.”