That Eurasian

by Aleph Bey

The Collector received me with great kindness. He told me of his public reception, how surprised and pleased he was, that the village was a paradise compared with others, that it was the model village of all he had ever seen. When about to take leave, I told him that the committee were outside the tent. We went out. They hesitated, expecting that I would talk for them, but I preferred to let them tell their own story. Their leader began by saying how glad their hearts had been made by his honor coming to them, that they were all his servants, that everything in the village was his, and they hoped his highness would not be offended if they said that some worthless fellows in his honor’s camp had gone into the fields and taken vegetables and fruit and had caught fish from the tank with nets which was against the rule, and given nothing in payment except gali, and threatened if they were reported to take much more. He told this with great effect in his own eloquent village language which would lose all its force by translation.

The Collector at once became very angry and calling his servants denounced them for committing robbery and disgracing him, and threatened that if any of them dared to go near the village again he would have them brought up and flogged. He offered to pay for the stuff stolen but the committee refused payment as they did not care for the value, but did not like the insolence and abuse. The Collector then thanked the committee for reporting the matter. He remarked to me that this probably happened wherever he went, and no one dared to report to him for fear of ill treatment. I replied that I had heard of men boasting that they liked to travel with Government officials, as it never cost them anything to live. He asked me about the villages and I gave him their history, of the fish supply in the tank and the rules about taking fish, not omitting the committee compelling Gulab, as a punishment, to eat the fish raw that he had caught, at which he was greatly amused. He afterwards made several visits to the village, calling upon me. We had some excellent fishing in the mornings at the tank, for he was one of Izaak Walton’s followers. On his return to the station he and his wife called on us, and we became the warmest friends, dining with each other frequently, in spite of the fellow who had charge of the calling list.

I had another experience soon after, that was not quite so pleasant. The time for the settlement or re-assessment of the village lands arrived, and I went out to look after my interests while the Settlement Officer was present. I had never met this man, but I knew all about him from a to zed. I called at his tent and sent in my card, when it came back written upon, “Please state your business.” Had I not known it before, this would have shown me at once that he was English, for this is one of their ways of showing their self-importance and of snubbing, as I never met it in any other class. I wrote that I was the zemindar of the village, and left him to infer what he chose. Had I stated that I wished to become acquainted with him, he would likely have replied that he did not wish my acquaintance, or some similar remark to show that he was a gentleman; or if I had stated my business he might have sent word that he would send for me when he wanted me; and this would also have been English, you know.

I was admitted to the august presence, with scarcely a nod from him, nor was I offered a seat. “Well,” said he with a brazen stare, “what can I do for you?” treating me as if I were some itinerant beggar. I was flustered and angry, for he had brass enough in his face and insolence in his manner to upset the temper of a saint. I mildly replied that as zemindar of the village I had come out of courtesy to him. “Well,” said he, “as I am about to take my bath, I will bid you good morning,” and out he went into another apartment.

I concluded to remain at the village, come what would, without expecting the pleasure I enjoyed with my Scotch friend, the Collector. The village committee took the Settlement Officer a fine present, but he treated them with such contempt that they never went near him again. His servants robbed the gardens and fruit trees, but I suggested to the people to say nothing. He every morning fished at the tank and made large hauls, while his servants came with nets and took away loads of small fish as well as large. This was done daily, until it became irritating beyond endurance. The committee came to me with complaints, and I saw that I must do something or lose my position in their estimation; so I concluded to beard the lion or jackass, whatever might happen. I saw him seated in front of his tent. He did not rise or even nod, or say anything. I did not know why he should have treated me with such insolence, unless it was in the nature of the beast to do so.

“Well, what is it?” he finally asked. I replied, “I hope you will excuse me for troubling you, but your men have gone into the gardens of the villages and taken vegetables and fruit and abused the people when they objected.” He stopped me with, “I don’t believe a word of it; Chuprassi!” and up came a sleek villain whom I had seen in the gardens. “Did any of the servants go into the village gardens and take vegetables?” “Khudawand!” said the fellow with his hands together. “Lord, why should we become bastard thieves when we have all we want in his highness’ camp?” “There!” said the Khudawand, “I told you that it was not so.” “But,” I remarked, “I saw this very man in the garden with his arms full of vegetables.” He made no reply. I continued, “The people do not mind the loss of the stuff, but they don’t like the abuse they receive.” He only listened. Have you ever remonstrated with a man when he only stared? Is there anything more irritating? I went on, “I built a tank and stocked it with fish at considerable expense, and the rules are that no outside natives shall fish in it, and the villagers themselves shall not take fish under a certain size, and that no nets shall be used; but your servants are daily using nets and carrying away loads of small fish.” At this he sprang to his feet, blustering out, “I have had enough of this. That is a public tank, and my servants shall fish there if they want to.”

“No,” I said, “that is my tank,” when he cut me short, saying, “I have had enough; I want to hear no more. It seems to me that you are putting on a good deal of side for a damned Eurasian, if I must tell you so.” “Eurasian or not,” I replied, “my father was and is H. J. Smith of Jalalpur, and as you are his nephew we are cousins; and it comes with bad grace for you to twit me of being an Eurasian when it was from no sin of mine, but at the pleasure of your own virtuous, Christian uncle.” This all came out in a volley before he had time to interrupt me. He sprang to his feet, for he had taken his seat, his face all aglow with anger, and shaking his fist at me while he stamped upon the ground, he fairly shouted, “It’s a lie; all a damned lie! Do you wish to insult me? You must leave at once. Chuprassi!” But I was off and away before his minion could come around the tent.

It was some minutes before I recovered from my terrible anger, and then I cursed myself by the hour for being such an ass, such an extra long-eared one, for making a stupid blunder as to quarrel with a Settlement Officer who had the valuation and taxation of all my lands in his power. Though I had the satisfaction of telling the truth and getting rid of some of my bilious indignation, it would have been better not to have gone to him after the repulse of the first call; rather to have lost all the fruit and vegetables, all the fish, both small and great, before angering a settlement officer.

It is said that there are two parts in a man, right and left, to dominate the brain in turn. When one part had spoken as above, the other said, “Who cares what such a man can do? Is it not better to be a man and stand up for your rights than to cringe like a coward and quietly submit to the oppression of a tyrant? Was not the heavy blow that you gave that insolent bully’s head worth more than all the increased assessments he can make?” Thus the two parts of me alternately held the floor, the one lamenting the probably increased taxation, the other pleading for the rights of my manhood.

The officer did not depart for some days, and though I could do nothing, I also remained. The whole of the camp followers, taking their cue from their master, ravaged the gardens and fruit trees. Their delight was in fishing with nets, a score of them, taking loads of small fish, out of sheer sport. I remonstrated with them, but they replied with the insolence of their master that their sahib had told them to catch all the fish they wanted. The result was that there was not a minnow left in the tank. The villagers were terribly wrought up. They proposed to attack the thieves, but this would only have increased the trouble, as my party would have got the worst of it, not in a fight, but in the courts, where they would have been brought up for riotous conduct. Many or all of them would have been taken away from their work or their homes, kept in jail awaiting trial, and then likely be imprisoned for years as criminals, for the sahib and his whole camp would have sworn that my people were the aggressors. “He should hae a lang-shafted spune that sups kale wi’ the deil,” and I knew that our “spune” had a very short shaft compared with that of the English gentleman and his crew.