That Eurasian

by Aleph Bey

One morning early, coming out of the other room, I saw those wide open eyes as usual, but the strange appearance of the face startled me. I had never seen a dead person, I had never heard of death. I did not know that people died. Yet, ignorant as I was, I saw that something terrible was the matter with mama. The old woman came quickly and at the first sight with a wailing cry exclaimed, “gayi! gayi!” gone! gone! I could not comprehend it, mama gone and yet she was lying there before me! The little sister came and we put our hands on mama’s face, we took her hands in ours. They were so cold and strange, we spoke to her, but her lips moved not. So unlike our little mama, as we delighted to call her. The old woman beckoned to some women in the court below. They quickly came. One of them took us into the other room and tried to make us understand what had happened but all we could realize was this, that our mama had gone. When we came out into the room again a white sheet was placed over the charpoy and tied at the four corners. All was so still and silent; we went and crouched into a corner clinging to each other in abject fear.

I felt as I did when that fearful white giant was in the room on that dreadful night, that I did not dare to breathe hard for fear some one might discover us. Toward evening two men came and took away the charpoy and all on it. I tried to get the old woman to tell me what had happened, but her only reply was that mama, the dear mama, had gone and we should never see her again. Our little hearts were breaking. We wept together until we fell asleep at night. The morning came but no mama for us to see.

How many times in my life since those dark sorrowful days have I thought to myself, Alas! What numbers of women’s hearts have been broken by these faithless Christian Europeans! These women were only natives to be sure, but they had hearts as warm for those whose soft words of love they had heard, and whose promises they believed, as any of their more favored white sisters. What is the use of talking of God, of justice, of virtue, of right and wrong, if such deception, cruelties and wrongs are to remain unnoticed and unpunished? Is there to be no recompense to those so cruelly injured? Are there no memories to follow the perpetrators of such infamous deeds? If not, then this world is one of chance and confusion. Might makes right, vice is as good as virtue and the sooner we get through the farce of living the better, to die and perish forever.

Soon the few remaining rupees were gone, then the trinkets, the few articles of clothing, and lastly, the box itself, all, everything had gone to purchase the little food we needed. There was nothing left with which to supply our wants or to pay our rent. One day the old woman took the little sister and me down into a little shelter, made by an old grass roof leaning against the back wall of the court. This was to be our home. She had gathered some coarse grass on which we were to sleep. Our only furniture consisted of two old earthen pots in which to cook our food if we could get any. All of our beautiful brass dishes that we once looked upon as shining jewels, when, after our meals they were scoured and placed in the sun to dry, had gone, following the trinkets and the box. My best suit consisted of a few inches of cloth and a string around my waist. My little sister had a very short skirt much fringed by long use around the bottom. For awhile the people in the court gave us food, some rice, others vegetables, and others a pepper pod and a few grains of salt. The little sister and I gathered old grass, and dried manure with which our food was cooked. So we were happy. It takes so little when we are willing to be happy that I sometimes question whether civilization is a benefactor, for it increases our wants and adds to our labor in supplying them.

The old woman lived with us of course, as this was her only home as well as ours. She was so kind that we clung to her as our new mama. Bye and bye the neighbors gave us less and less; not that they were unwilling, but they were all so poor. I did not understand the political economy of either poverty or riches. I did not know fully why the people could not give us anything.

However, I well remember a scene, an object lesson of tyranny, and the helplessness of poverty, that occurred one day. A man on a horse rode into the big gate followed by a number of men with long bamboo sticks in their hands. I heard one who lived in a hut next to us say as he ran into his house, that the zemindar who owned the place had come to collect his rents. It seemed that the rents were long overdue, because the people were unable to pay them though they did the best they could. The people were all called out of their huts where the most of them had concealed themselves and those that would not come were forced out by the men with sticks. The man on his horse demanded the rents. The people said they had nothing to pay. The little fields outside the city that they cultivated had produced nothing, for there had been no rain. They had tried to get work but there was none to be had. They could not get the poorest food for their wives and children. They were starving. They would work for him and do anything he told them, for their lives were in his hands. He turned upon them with scorn, denounced them with all the filthy names he could use and they were many. I could understand only a few of the words, but I knew they were terrible. How angry he was!

The men, with the women and children, threw themselves on the ground around his horse and pleaded with him for mercy, but the more they begged the more angry he grew, and then, when he became tired out with his stream of fearful words, he gave orders to his men with the long sticks to search every house, and in they went with a rush. The old charpoys, the tattered rags of blankets, here and there a brass cup or an iron dish, everything was brought and laid in the center of the court, a mass of rubbish the most of which should have gone out by the back door and been thrown into the gully. A cart was brought in and everything placed upon it and off it went. Just as the zemindar was going out of the gate, a man living in one of the huts came in. He had been out from very early morning going for miles to a pond where he caught a few small fish, not one over an inch in length. These he was bringing for his poor old decrepit mother who was really starving. As soon as the big man saw this handful of fish he ordered one of his men to take them. The poor man seeing that he was about to lose his little treasure threw himself upon the ground, and in tones heart-rending, begged the fish for his old mother who was dying for want of food; but he might as well have talked to the gate post. The fish were gone and the big man departed on his high-stepping horse.

Had the big zemindar put us all in some room, closed the door and suffocated us, it would have been an act of mercy compared with what he did. What is the little pain of a sudden death, in comparison with a life of hardship, starvation, suffering, misery, and after all, death sure to come? Better half should go and give the other half a chance, than to prolong the wretchedness of all. Death cannot be escaped by waiting. Much of philanthropy is to prolong misery. The real philanthropist should seek to shorten and end it. Men die for their country, for glory, the latter always a paltry thing. Why not die to relieve themselves from wretchedness and to benefit others by their absence? This would be the real sacrifice—a dying to save others. Words fail me to describe what took place after the robbery of our little court. In every hut there was wailing for their little losses, but all they had. There was not a tattered rag or dish left. There was no food of any kind, no work for anybody. They could gather nothing from the fields, for the country for miles was barren even of a blade of grass.

I was repelled by all I had seen, and felt like weeping as I heard the mournful cries of the women. We were more blessed than they were, because we had lost nothing, for the best of reasons. My instinct told me it were better to go away than to remain any longer. Our new mama seemed to have the same feeling, for without a word she took each of us by the hand and we went out through the big gate, whither we knew not. One direction was as good to us as another, so we took the first road we saw. We wandered on for a number of days, sleeping at night by the roadside, and during the days stopped where cartmen were feeding their cattle. They allowed us to pick up some grains of feed, which was the bread of heaven to us. One day toward evening we came to a large peepul tree with a small hut beside it. An old man, a faqir, was sitting in front of the hut. Something told him we were hungry, and going inside he brought out a few withered bananas and several dried fruits. He told us to eat them, and when he prepared his food he would give us some. I expressed my gratitude as best I could. I think I said that I hoped Allah would show him mercy. The old man gave me such a kindly smile, the first I had ever seen. We were all very weary, and the little sister was footsore. I went out to where some carts had stopped and gathered several armfuls of dried grass and straw, which I placed at the back of the hut. The old faqir, seeing this, went into his little garden and brought a square of bamboo, thatched with grass, that he placed over the straw with its top against the hut. What a house we had; a palace, furnished, for our wearied bodies. Into this we crept, for our new mama was always beside us. We slept—and such sleep! I dreamed of great dishes of food, how fragrant it was and how delicious it tasted, when we were awakened by the voice of the faqir calling us to come out and eat. We did not wait for a second call, and such dishes of rice and dhal, steaming hot and so fragrant. We ate as if we had not tasted food for many a day, and indeed we had but little for months. The old faqir smiled all over his wrinkled face as he saw the eagerness with which we ate his savory dishes. If I know anything about the matter—and probably I know as much as any one—I feel sure that the good angel above, who does the recording, gave the old faqir three very long credit marks for the good he did to each of us that day. He scarcely said a word. No doubt his motto was, “Doing—not talking,” and the very best habit one can fall into. After an hour or so of resting from our laborious task of eating so much, we crept into our little house and were all soon fast asleep. I dreamt that I saw my mama. She was looking with those large liquid eyes of hers, not to the westward, but toward us. She smiled so sweetly, the first smile I had ever seen upon her face, as she saw how comfortably we were placed.

At early morning we were awakened by the birds in the peepul tree. My first words were, “Darling mama,” for I expected to see her, and what an eternal joy it would have been if I could have had but one sight of her beautiful smiling face as I saw it in my dream! My heart was sorely disappointed and harassed. Why could not this world have been arranged without so many disappointments? Why could not the sorrows be more equally divided? The roses be without so many thorns? We went to the well in the garden and the faqir drew water with his lota and string, and the little sister and I had a nice shower bath as the faqir poured the water over us. He enjoyed his part as much as we did ours. He out-Christianed the Christian teaching, for besides food and shelter, he not only gave us water to drink, but poured it all over us. On returning to the hut he gave us some dried figs, nuts and sugar, and we were still more happy. After awhile, with a look of pleasure and pity, he asked whither we were traveling? I told him we did not know. This rather surprised him. Then he inquired where our home was, and I replied that we had no home. He wanted to know who our father and mother were, and I answered that we never had a father; that we had a dear mama once, but she had gone; two men had carried her away on a charpoy and we never saw her again.