ABRAHAM LINCOLN, the Great Story Telling President, whose Emancipation Proclamation freed more than four million slaves, was a keen politician, profound statesman, shrewd diplomatist, a thorough judge of men and possessed of an intuitive knowledge of affairs. He was the first Chief Executive to die at the hands of an assassin. Without school education he rose to power by sheer merit and will-power. Born in a Kentucky log cabin in 1809, his surroundings being squalid, his chances for advancement were apparently hopeless. President Lincoln died April 15th, 1865, having been shot by J. Wilkes Booth the night before.
CONTENTS
[ LINCOLN’S NAME AROUSES AN AUDIENCE ]
[ “ABE” LINCOLN’S YARNS AND STORIES. ]
[ HIS KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN NATURE. ]
[ THE PRESIDENTIAL “CHIN-FLY.” ]
[ ‘SQUIRE BAGLY’S PRECEDENT. ]
[ “ABE’S” HAIR NEEDED COMBING. ]
[ WOULD “TAKE TO THE WOODS.” ]
[ LINCOLN CARRIED HER TRUNK. ]
[ MCCLELLAN’S “SPECIAL TALENT.” ]
[ MORE LIGHT AND LESS NOISE. ]
[ LINCOLN’S STORY TO PEACE COMMISSIONERS. ]
[ “ABE” GOT THE WORST OF IT. ]
[ IT DEPENDED UPON HIS CONDITION. ]
[ “GOT DOWN TO THE RAISINS.” ]
[ “HONEST ABE” SWALLOWS HIS ENEMIES. ]
[ A JOB FOR THE NEW CABINETMAKER. ]
[ “I CAN STAND IT IF THEY CAN.” ]
[ LINCOLN MISTAKEN FOR ONCE. ]
[ FORGOT EVERYTHING HE KNEW. ]
[ WANTED TO BURN HIM DOWN TO THE STUMP. ]
[ THE CASE OF BETSY ANN DOUGHERTY. ]
[ HAD TO WEAR A WOODEN SWORD. ]
[ “ABE” STIRRING THE “BLACK” COALS. ]
[ GETTING RID OF AN ELEPHANT. ]
[ CHARACTERISTIC OF LINCOLN. ]
[ LOST HIS CERTIFICATE OF CHARACTER. ]
[ NOTE PRESENTED FOR PAYMENT. ]
[ DOG WAS A “LEETLE BIT AHEAD.” ]
[ “ABE’S” FIGHT WITH NEGROES. ]
[ WARDING OFF GOD’S VENGEANCE. ]
[ JEFF DAVIS AND CHARLES THE FIRST. ]
[ A CONTEST WITH LITTLE “TAD.” ]
[ REMINDED HIM OF “A LITTLE STORY.” ]
[ “FETCHED SEVERAL SHORT ONES.” ]
[ McCLELLAN WAS “INTRENCHING.” ]
[ MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT, ANYWAY. ]
[ VICIOUS OXEN HAVE SHORT HORNS. ]
[ LINCOLN’S NAME FOR “WEEPING WATER.” ]
[ PETER CARTWRIGHT’S DESCRIPTION OF LINCOLN. ]
[ “BOTH LENGTH AND BREADTH.” ]
[ GRANT “TUMBLED” RIGHT AWAY. ]
[ “DON’T KILL HIM WITH YOUR FIST.” ]
[ NO POSTMASTERS IN HIS POCKET. ]
[ “WHEREAS,” HE STOLE NOTHING. ]
[ DARNED UNCOMFORTABLE SITTING. ]
[ “WHAT’S-HIS-NAME” GOT THERE. ]
[ LINCOLN ADOPTED THE SUGGESTION. ]
[ TOO MANY PIGS FOR THE TEATS. ]
[ GREELEY CARRIES LINCOLN TO THE LUNATIC ASYLUM. ]
[ THE LAST TIME HE SAW DOUGLAS. ]
[ HIS FIRST SATIRICAL WRITING. ]
[ SAFE AS LONG AS THEY WERE GOOD. ]
[ “SMELT NO ROYALTY IN OUR CARRIAGE.” ]
[ HELL A MILE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. ]
[ “WHO COMMENCED THIS FUSS?” ]
[ ORIGIN OF THE “INFLUENCE” STORY. ]
[ “LONG ABE” FOUR YEARS LONGER. ]
[ EASIER TO EMPTY THE POTOMAC. ]
[ LINCOLN SAW STANTON ABOUT IT. ]
[ TROOPS COULDN’T FLY OVER IT. ]
[ PAT WAS “FORNINST THE GOVERNMENT.” ]
[ “AARON GOT HIS COMMISSION.” ]
[ LINCOLN AND THE MINISTERS. ]
[ HARDTACK BETTER THAN GENERALS. ]
[ STORIES BETTER THAN DOCTORS. ]
[ MR. BULL DIDN’T GET HIS COTTON. ]
[ STICK TO AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. ]
[ WANTED TO “BORROW” THE ARMY. ]
[ “AND YOU DON’T WEAR HOOPSKIRTS.” ]
[ LIEUTENANT TAD LINCOLN’S SENTINELS. ]
[ DOUGLAS HELD LINCOLN’S HAT. ]
[ MILITARY SNAILS NOT SPEEDY. ]
[ “ABE, YOU CAN’T PLAY THAT ON ME.” ]
[ COLD MOLASSES WAS SWIFTER. ]
[ LINCOLN CALLS MEDILL A COWARD. ]
[ STANTON’S ABUSE OF LINCOLN. ]
[ THE NEGRO AND THE CROCODILE. ]
[ LINCOLN WAS READY TO FIGHT. ]
[ “MRS. NORTH AND HER ATTORNEY.” ]
[ TELLS AN EDITOR ABOUT NASBY. ]
[ “WEBSTER COULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE.” ]
[ REMINDED “ABE” OF A LITTLE JOKE. ]
[ THE MAN HE WAS LOOKING FOR ]
[ THE GENERAL WAS “HEADED IN” ]
[ COULD MAKE “RABBIT-TRACKS.” ]
[ LINCOLN PROTECTED CURRENCY ISSUES. ]
[ LINCOLN’S APOLOGY TO GRANT. ]
[ IT TICKLED THE LITTLE WOMAN. ]
[ “SHALL ALL FALL TOGETHER.” ]
[ “THOROUGH” IS A GOOD WORD. ]
[ THE CABINET WAS A-SETTIN’. ]
[ NO KIND TO GET TO HEAVEN ON. ]
[ THE CABINET LINCOLN WANTED. ]
[ “THE BAD BIRD AND THE MUDSILL.” ]
[ GAVE THE SOLDIER HIS FISH. ]
[ FATHER OF THE “GREENBACK.” ]
[ MAJOR ANDERSON’S BAD MEMORY. ]
[ PRESIDENT LINCOLN’S LAST PUBLIC ADDRESS. ]
[ WELCOMED THE LITTLE GIRLS. ]
[ MOST VALUABLE POLITICAL ATTRIBUTE. ]
[ “ABE” RESENTED THE INSULT. ]
[ HIS THEORY OF THE REBELLION. ]
[ IDENTIFIED THE COLORED MAN. ]
[ OFFICE SEEKERS WORSE THAN WAR. ]
[ “JEFFY” THREW UP THE SPONGE. ]
[ DIDN’T KNOW GRANT’S PREFERENCE. ]
[ NO FALSE PRIDE IN LINCOLN. ]
[ EXTRA MEMBER OF THE CABINET. ]
[ HOW “FIGHTING JOE” WAS APPOINTED. ]
[ A FORTUNE-TELLER’S PREDICTION. ]
[ SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT ANOTHER BATTLE. ]
[ NO WAR WITHOUT BLOOD-LETTING. ]
[ LINCOLN’S TWO DIFFICULTIES. ]
[ WHITE ELEPHANT ON HIS HANDS. ]
[ WHEN LINCOLN AND GRANT CLASHED. ]
[ WON JAMES GORDON BENNETT’S SUPPORT. ]
[ STOOD BY THE “SILENT MAN.” ]
[ GO DOWN WITH COLORS FLYING. ]
[ DIDN’T WANT A MILITARY REPUTATION. ]
[ LINCOLN’S REJECTED MANUSCRIPT. ]
[ LINCOLN AS A STORY WRITER. ]
[ LINCOLN’S IDEAS ON CROSSING A RIVER WHEN HE GOT TO IT. ]
[ PRESIDENT NOMINATED FIRST. ]
[ “CONSIDER THE SYMPATHY OF LINCOLN.” ]
[ HIS PASSES TO RICHMOND NOT HONORED. ]
[ “PUBLIC HANGMAN” FOR THE UNITED STATES. ]
[ THERE WAS NO NEED OF A STORY. ]
[ LINCOLN A MAN OF SIMPLE HABITS. ]
[ FORGOT EVERYTHING HE KNEW BEFORE. ]
[ LINCOLN BELIEVED IN EDUCATION. ]
[ LINCOLN ON THE DRED SCOTT DECISION. ]
[ LINCOLN MADE MANY NOTABLE SPEECHES. ]
[ CALLED BLESSINGS ON THE AMERICAN WOMEN. ]
[ LINCOLN’S “ORDER NO. 252.” ]
[ TALKED TO THE NEGROES OF RICHMOND. ]
[ “ABE” ADDED A SAVING CLAUSE. ]
[ ANGELS COULDN’T SWEAR IT RIGHT. ]
[ “MUST GO, AND GO TO STAY.” ]
[ LINCOLN WASN’T BUYING NOMINATIONS. ]
[ HE ENVIED THE SOLDIER AT THE FRONT. ]
[ HE’D “RISK THE DICTATORSHIP.” ]
[ “MAJOR GENERAL, I RECKON.” ]
[ “ABE” GAVE HER A “SURE TIP.” ]
[ THE PRESIDENT HAD KNOWLEDGE OF HIM. ]
[ GRANT CONGRATULATED LINCOLN. ]
[ HOW STANTON GOT INTO THE CABINET. ]
[ WHY HE WAS CALLED “HONEST ABE.” ]
[ “ABE’S” NAME REMAINED ON THE SIGN. ]
[ VERY HOMELY AT FIRST SIGHT. ]
[ “WUZ GOIN’ TER BE ‘HITCHED.”’ ]
[ HE PROPOSED TO SAVE THE UNION. ]
[ WOULD NOT RECALL A SINGLE WORD. ]
[ WE HAVE LIBERTY OF ALL KINDS. ]
[ TOM CORWINS’S LATEST STORY. ]
[ “CATCH ‘EM AND CHEAT ‘EM.” ]
[ SIX FEET FOUR AT SEVENTEEN. ]
[ “PULLED FODDER” FOR A BOOK. ]
[ PRAISES HIS RIVAL FOR OFFICE. ]
[ ONE THING “ABE” DIDN’T LOVE. ]
[ WOULDN’T HOLD TITLE AGAINST HIM. ]
[ COULDN’T LOCATE HIS BIRTHPLACE. ]
[ “ABE” OFFERS A SPEECH FOR SOMETHING TO EAT. ]
[ THEY UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER. ]
[ THE “GREAT SNOW” OF 1830-31. ]
[ CREDITOR PAID DEBTORS DEBT. ]
[ “BUTCHER-KNIFE BOYS” AT THE POLLS. ]
[ NO “SECOND COMING” FOR SPRINGFIELD. ]
[ THE LINCOLN HOUSEHOLD GOODS. ]
[ WAS “BOSS” WHEN NECESSARY. ]
[ “RATHER STARVE THAN SWINDLE.” ]
[ NOT MUCH AT RAIL-SPLITTING. ]
[ GAVE THE SOLDIER THE PREFERENCE. ]
[ THE PRESIDENT WAS NOT SCARED. ]
[ JEFF. DAVIS’ REPLY TO LINCOLN. ]
[ DESERTER’S SINS WASHED OUT IN BLOOD. ]
[ SPECIFIC FOR FOREIGN “RASH.” ]
[ THOUGHT OF LEARNING A TRADE. ]
[ LINCOLN DEFENDS FIFTEEN MRS. NATIONS. ]
[ AVOIDED EVEN APPEARANCE OF EVIL ]
[ WAR DIDN’T ADMIT OF HOLIDAYS. ]
[ GRANT HELD ON ALL THE TIME. ]
[ CHEWED THE CUD IN SOLITUDE. ]
[ LINCOLN PAID HOMAGE TO WASHINGTON. ]
[ STIRRED EVEN THE REPORTERS. ]
[ ETERNAL FIDELITY TO THE CAUSE OF LIBERTY. ]
[ WROTE “PIECES” WHEN VERY YOUNG. ]
[ “TRY TO STEER HER THROUGH.” ]
[ GRAND, GLOOMY AND PECULIAR. ]
[ “THE ‘RAIL-SPUTTER’ REPAIRING THE UNION.” ]
[ “FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES.” ]
[ “GOVERNMENT RESTS IN PUBLIC OPINION.” ]
[ ABOUT TO LAY DOWN THE BURDEN. ]
[ LINCOLN WOULD HAVE PREFERRED DEATH. ]
[ “PUNCH” AND HIS LITTLE PICTURE. ]
[ FASCINATED By THE WONDERFUL ]
[ THE FIVE POINTS SUNDAY SCHOOL. ]
[ WHY LINCOLN GROWED WHISKERS. ]
[ SIMPLY PRACTICAL HUMANITY. ]
[ THOUGHT GOD WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM. ]
[ NAUGHTY BOY HAD TO TAKE HIS MEDICINE. ]
[ “YANKEE” GOODNESS OF HEART. ]
[ THE SONG DID THE BUSINESS. ]
[ LINCOLN’S MEN WERE “HUSTLERS.” ]
[ DODGING “BROWSING PRESIDENTS.” ]
[ SCALPING IN THE BLACK HAWK WAR. ]
[ ONLY LEVEL-HEADED MEN WANTED. ]
[ HOW THE TOWN OF LINCOLN, ILL., WAS NAMED. ]
[ “OLD JEFF’S” BIG NIGHTMARE. ]
[ LINCOLN’S LAST OFFICIAL ACT. ]
[ “MASSA LINKUM LIKE DE LORD!” ]
[ HOW LINCOLN TOOK THE NEWS. ]
[ PROFANITY AS A SAFETY-VALVE. ]
[ PRESIDENT AND CABINET JOINED IN PRAYER. ]
[ BELIEVED HE WAS A CHRISTIAN. ]
[ LINCOLN’S LAST WRITTEN WORDS. ]
[ LINCOLN WISHED TO SEE RICHMOND. ]
[ “LINCOLN GOES IN WHEN THE QUAKERS ARE OUT” ]
[ HAD CONFIDENCE IN HIM—“BUT—.” ]
[ HOW HOMINY WAS ORIGINATED. ]
[ HIS IDEA’S OLD, AFTER ALL. ]
[ “ABE WANTED NO SNEAKIN’ ‘ROUND.” ]
[ “HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS PLACE?” ]
[ “TAD” INTRODUCES “OUR FRIENDS.” ]
[ MIXED UP WORSE THAN BEFORE. ]
[ “LONG ABE’S” FEET “PROTRUDED OVER.” ]
[ COULD LICK ANY MAN IN THE CROWD. ]
[ HIS WAY TO A CHILD’S HEART. ]
[ “LEFT IT THE WOMEN TO HOWL ABOUT ME.” ]
[ HE’D RUIN ALL THE OTHER CONVICTS. ]
[ “DID YE ASK MORRISSEY YET?” ]
[ “FIXED UP” A BIT FOR THE “CITY FOLKS.” ]
[ EVEN REBELS OUGHT TO BE SAVED. ]
[ TRIED TO DO WHAT SEEMED BEST. ]
[ “HOLDING A CANDLE TO THE CZAR.” ]
[ NASHVILLE WAS NOT SURRENDERED. ]
[ HE COULDN’T WAIT FOR THE COLONEL. ]
[ LINCOLN PRONOUNCED THIS STORY FUNNY. ]
[ “I’D A BEEN MISSED BY MYSE’F.” ]
[ IT ALL “DEPENDED” UPON THE EFFECT. ]
[ TOO SWIFT TO STAY IN THE ARMY. ]
[ WISHED THE ARMY CHARGED LIKE THAT. ]
[ “UNCLE ABRAHAM” HAD EVERYTHING READY. ]
[ NOT AS SMOOTH AS HE LOOKED. ]
[ “NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DON’T WRITE.” ]
[ THE STORY OF LINCOLN’S LIFE ]
[ ASSISTANT PILOT ON A STEAMBOAT. ]
[ “CAPTAIN LINCOLN” PLEASED HIM. ]
[ FAILURE AS A BUSINESS MAN. ]
[ GAINS FAME AS A STORY TELLER. ]
[ SURVEYOR WITH NO STRINGS ON HIM. ]
[ A MEMBER OF THE LEGISLATURE. ]
[ MARRIES A SPRINGFIELD BELLE. ]
[ DEFEATS PETER CARTWRIGHT FOR CONGRESS. ]
[ MAKES SPEECHES FOR “OLD ZACH.” ]
[ TELLING STORIES ON THE CIRCUIT. ]
[ THE LION IS AROUSED TO ACTION. ]
[ SEEKS A SEAT IN THE SENATE. ]
[ HELPS TO ORGANIZE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. ]
[ THE RAIL-SPLITTER vs. THE LITTLE GIANT. ]
[ WERE LIKE CROWDS AT A CIRCUS. ]
[ FIRST NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT. ]
[ FORMATION OF THE SOUTHERN CONFEDERACY. ]
[ THE “SECRET PASSAGE” TO WASHINGTON. ]
[ HIS ELOQUENT INAUGURAL ADDRESS. ]
[ FOLLOWS PRECEDENT OF WASHINGTON. ]
[ GREATER DIPLOMAT THAN SEWARD. ]
[ ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN GRANT. ]
[ REASONS FOB FREEING THE SLAVES. ]
[ A FUN-LOVING AND HUMOR-LOVING MAN. ]
[ WARNINGS OF HIS TRAGIC DEATH. ]
[ LAMON’S REMARKABLE REQUEST. ]
[ BOOTH BRANDISHES HIS DAGGER AND ESCAPES. ]
[ WALT WHITMAN’S DESCRIPTION. ]
[ BOOTH SHOT BY “BOSTON” CORBETT. ]
PREFACE.
Dean Swift said that the man who makes two blades of grass grow where one grew before serves well of his kind. Considering how much grass there is in the world and comparatively how little fun, we think that a still more deserving person is the man who makes many laughs grow where none grew before.