is the trust she is able to put in them. One must not be conversed with more than the rest, otherwise he is envied and hated of all the rest. This of itself is a slavery; and it is another of the lies of the world to call such people masters and mistresses, who, in reality, are nothing but slaves in a thousand ways. I really see nothing good in the world and its ways but this, that it will not tolerate the smallest fault in those who are not its own. For by detracting, and fault-finding, and evil-reporting on the good, the world greatly helps to perfect them. He who will not die to the world shall die by it. O wretched world! Bless God, my daughters, that He has chosen and enabled you to turn your backs for ever on a thing so base. The world is to be known by this also, that it esteems a man not by what he is, but by what he possesses: by what is in his purse: and, that failing, the honour and esteem of the world instantly fail also. O our Lord; Supreme Power, Supreme Goodness, Supreme Truth; Thy perfections are without beginning and without end. They are infinite and incomprehensible. They are a bottomless ocean of beauty. O my God, that I had the eloquence of an angel’s speech to set forth Thy goodness and Thy truth, and to win all men over to Thee!
ON EVIL-SPEAKING
After my vow of perfection I spake not ill of any creature, how little soever it might be. I scrupulously avoided all approaches to detraction. I had this rule ever present with me, that I was not
to wish, nor assent to, nor say such things of any person whatsoever, that I would not have them say of me. And as time went on, I succeeded in persuading those who were about me to adopt the same habit, till it came to be understood that where I was absent persons were safe. So they were also with all those whom I so instructed. Still, for all that, I have a sufficiently strict account to give to God for the bad example I am to all about me in some other respects. May it please His Majesty to forgive me, for I have been the cause of much evil. For one thing, the devil sometimes fills me with such a harsh and cruel temper: such a spirit of anger and hostility at some people, that I could eat them up and annihilate them. At the same time, concerning things said of myself in detraction, and they are many, and are very prejudicial to me, I find myself much improved. These things make little impression upon me. I am under them as a deaf man that hears not, and as a man in whose mouth there is no retaliation. Nay, I almost always see that my greatest detractors have only too good reason for what they say. In this way my soul actually gains peace and strength under detraction, till it becomes a great favour done me, and a great advantage. Upon betaking myself to prayer, I find in my heart neither repugnance at my detractors nor enmity. For, although, when I first hear the detraction, it causes me a little disconcert, yet not any long-lasting disquiet or alteration. Nay, sometimes when I see people take pity on me because of my detractors, I laugh at them, so little do all my detractors now hurt me.
ON SELF-EXCUSING
That which I am now to persuade you to, namely, the not excusing of yourselves, causes a great confusion in me. For it is a very perfect quality and of great merit; and I ought far better to practise what I tell you concerning this excellent virtue. I confess myself to be but little improved in this noble duty. For it is a mark of the deepest and truest humility to see ourselves condemned without cause, and to be silent under it. It is a very noble imitation of our Lord. Were I truly humble, I would desire disesteem, even though having in the matter in hand given no real offence. Here no bodily strength is needed, my daughters, nor any one’s assistance, but God’s. How well is this written, and how ill is it practised by the writer! Indeed, I never could make trial of this grace in any matter of consequence, because I never heard of any one speaking ill of me, but I immediately saw how far short he came of the full truth. For, if he was wrong or exaggerated in his particulars, I had offended God much more in other matters that my detractor knew nothing about. And, methought, God favoured me much in not proclaiming my secret sins to all men. And, thus, I am very glad that my detractor should ever report a trifling lie about me, rather than the terrible truth.
O my Lord, when I remember in how many ways Thou didst suffer detraction and misrepresentation, who in no way deserved it, I know not where my senses are when I am in such a haste to defend and
excuse myself. Is it possible that I should desire any one to speak any good of me, or to think it, when so many ill things were thought and spoken of Thee! What is this, O Lord; what do we imagine to get by pleasing worms, or being praised by them? What about being blamed by all men, if only we stand at last blameless before Thee!
ON PRAISE, PRECEDENCY, AND POINTS OF HONOUR
Observe carefully the stirrings of your heart in matters of superiority. Pray to be delivered from such thoughts as these: I am older. I deserve better. I have laboured more. I have more talent. Such thoughts are the plague and poison of the heart. Believe me, if there remain in you any allowed hankerings after the praises of men, though you may have spent many years in prayer, or rather in idle forms of prayer, you have made no progress, and never will, till your heart is crucified to the approval and the praise of men. If you feel in yourself any point of honour, any pride, any desire of eminence or pre-eminence, you must free yourself from that abominable bondage, and for that chain there is no hammer and file like humility and prayer. Among the rest of my great imperfections this was one. I had very little knowledge of my Breviary, or of that which was to be sung in the choir, and all the while I saw that some other novices could instruct me. But I was too proud to ask any questions. I was afraid that my great ignorance should be discovered. Shortly afterwards a good example was set