“He is an honest man,” said I.
“Honest, yes; but what of that? Honesty is the commonest trait of ignorance. There should be something more than honesty, don't y' know, to make a mayor. There be games like draw poker and government where to be merely honest is not a complete equipment. Besides, think of the shock of such a term of hobnails in the City Hall. If you, with your machine, would come in, we could elect my old gentleman over him or any other merely honest candidate whom those vulgarians could put up; we could, really!”
“Tell me how,” said I.
“There would be millions of money,” lisped Morton, pausing to select a cigarette; “since Money would be swimming for dear life. All our fellows at the club are scared to death—really! One can do anything with money, don't y' know.”
“One can't stop a runaway horse with money,” I retorted; “and this labor movement is a political runaway.”
“With money we could build a wall across its course and let those idiots of politics run against it. My dear fellow, let us make a calculation. Really, how many votes should those labor animals overrun us, on the situation's merits?”
“Say twenty-five thousand.”
“This then should give so experienced a hand as yourself some shade of comfort. The Master of the Philadelphia Machine, don't y' know, is one of my railway partners. 'Old chap,' said he, when I told him of the doings of our New York vandals, 'I'll send over to you ten thousand men, any one of whom would loot a convent. These common beggars must be put down! The example might spread to Philadelphia.' So you see,” concluded Morton, “we would not be wanting in election material. What should ten thousand men mean?”
“At the least,” said I, “they should count for forty thousand. A man votes with a full beard; then he votes with his chin shaved; then he shaves the sides of his face and votes with a mustache; lastly he votes with a smooth face and retires to re-grow a beard against the next campaign. Ten thousand men should tally forty thousand votes. Registration and all, however, would run the cost of such an enterprise to full five hundred thousand dollars.”
“Money is no object,” returned Morton, covering a yawn delicately with his slim hand, “to men who feel that their fortunes, don't y' know, and perhaps their lives, are on the cast. Bring us Tammany for this one war, and I'll guarantee three millions in the till of the machine; I will, really! You would have to take those ten thousand recruits from Philadelphia into your own hands, however; we Silk Stockings don't own the finesse required to handle such a consignment of goods. Besides, if we did, think what wretched form it would be.”